I can almost believe she heard me. I spoke to her...just like I have been since yesterday. I begged her to hear me, to see me, and she's been oblivious. But this time, I almost think she heard me. Her back straightened, and there was a new resolve in her eyes.

I think...maybe. I wonder why this time she heard and before there's been nothing?

Whether or not I had anything to do about it, I'm proud of her. I know how hard it will be for her to walk into that building and face all those people. If the situation were reversed, and thank God it's not, I don't think I'd have the nerve to go in there; to walk the halls alone where once we walked them together. Unbeknownst to her, however, we'll still be walking them together.

I haven't left her side since I found her. Well, once or twice I did. I wanted to try getting through to Bessie and Bodie. Unsurprisingly, I failed. Even in death, I'm destined to be a failure.

I follow behind her as she walks slowly towards the school, her eyes trained steadily on the ground. I want her to lift her chin and her beautiful eyes and face the world like she used to. Not broken like this...

I am going to get through to her. I have to. There's so much I need to say to her, things she needs to know. There are so many things I never said...never got the chance to say.

She continues silently to her locker and I follow behind, just like a shadow. I walk among the students, and I still feel weird when they stare right through me. Maybe I wasn't always the center of attension, but I was at least acknowledged. Now....now it's just strange.

Kenny Reiling's picking his nose in the corner, furtivily checking to make sure no one sees. Sarah something or other is checking out Hunter Christian, while her boyfriend's back is turned. Hunter winks a clear blue eye at her and Sarah blushes, turning away. You'd be surprised what people will do when they think no one's looking.

She finally lifts her eyes when she approaches her locker to see what I've been aware of since we started our path down the hallway. Our friends.

Jen, Jack, Dawson and Andie stand in a cluster by her locker, talking in hushed tones to one another. I feel a wave of guilt for not even thinking about them since my 'return'. Jen's leaning against Jack, her face is a pale gray and her usually bouncing curls hang limply around her face.

Jack stands tall and straight, his legs braced apart his arm protectivly around Jen's shoulders. His face is stony, but his eyes are soft in concern, his free hand rests assuringly on Dawson's shoulder. Judging by his stance, I think Jack's become the rock of the group, the one they lean on. I have to wonder what kind of toll that puts on him. He looks so frayed around the edges.

Dawson sure doesn't look to be a candidate for support. His blond hair is dirty and hanging in his face, there are huge bags under his eyes and he keeps shifting his weight, like this is the last place he wants to be. Now he knows how I felt walking into this building every day. My eyes flit away from him to the last blond of the small group.

Andie looks just as bad as Jen, and I feel a sudden wave of worry for her. Wondering how she's handling this. After everything that she went through with her brother's death and Abby's...now mine. I never thought I had the power to put that look in her eyes.

I stare at them as a shiver of awe runs down my spine. I can't believe my death has impacted them so. I never thought I mattered so much.

Jen smiles causiously at Joey, and my love forces a smile to her face before turning to her locker. She twists the knob around around, biting her lip in concentration. The others watch with sad eyes as she keeps twisting the dial, turning...turning...turning...unable to settle on a number.

Andie steps forward, tears shining in her eyes and puts her hand over Joey's. Their eyes meet and it's like they can read each other's minds and Joey's bag falls to her side as she embraces Andie in a tight hug. Jen joins them less than a moment later.

I hang back with Jack and Dawson and watch the girls. It's the first time I've ever seen them so...in tuned to one another. Even if I could, I wouldn't want to interrupt their moment. My eyes flicker to Jack and Dawson, Jack seems turned off to the moment letting them take and give the comfort he isn't able to offer. Dawson...Dawson looks dazed. Almost like he's not there.

The girls seperate themselves with embarressed smiles and moist eyes. Joey takes a deep breath and attempts to open her locker again, Jen immediatly goes back to Jack's side, resting her head against his shoulder.

I turn to Andie, "McPhee. I'm here..." I wave my hand in front of her face half-heartedly. No reaction. This is a routine I'm getting used to.

But I've got to try.

I try to communicate with each of my friends as they move into conversation. "How're you holding up?" Jack askes Joey, rubbing Jen's shoulder comfortingly.

"Oh, I'm great." She replies sarcastically, "I'm thinking about throwing a party tomorrow in celebration of my boyfriend's death. What do you think?"

Andie gives her an appalled look oblivious to my presense right in front of her. "Joey!"

"What?" She shrugs tiredly, "You ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer."

"He was only trying to help," Jen defends Jack.

"And I'm only trying to make it through the day without wanting to join him."

"Jo..." Jack whispers, pained.

"I'm just trying not to see him everywhere I go. Not to here his voice. Not to remember his smile. I'm a wreck, Jack! Is that what you wanted to hear? That I can't take a single step without wanting him to be there with me? That when I breathe, I ache?" I feel tears sting my eyes as I stand beside her, helpless to do anything to ease her pain.

"We know how you-"

"No!" She cut off Andie with a glare, "You don't have any idea. You lost a brother and you lost a friend," she swallows back her tears with difficulty. "You-you don't understand. I lost my true love...I lost him before I even got a chance to say goodbye...before he-he even knew how much I love him."

"I know, Joey! I know!" No matter how hard I yell, I can't make myself heard. It hurts, knowing I caused this pain. That I'm here and she doesn't know it.

"So don't tell me you know how I feel." She continues, her anger gone to be replaced with raw agony.

Jack abandons Jen to embrace Joey. If it weren't Jack, I'd feel jealous. Damn it, it is Jack and I'm still jealous. He gets to be there, holding her, feeling her, easing her pain when I...I don't even fucking exist.

"I'm sorry, Jo." Jack whispers, "I'm sorry."

She steps back, wiping her eyes. "Me too," she forces a smile. "I didn't mean to-"

"I know," he rubs her back reassuringly.

"It's just...the only way I'll make it through today is if I try not to think about it." She explains.

"I understand, I wont ask again."

She leans her forehead against his shoulder, "Thank you, Jack." She murmurs.

"Come on, Jo." Jen steps forward, her voice quieter than I remember. "Let's go to class."

Joey nods and pulls out the science book she needs for first period and her binder before closing her locker and hooking an arm through Jen's. Andie gives them a small wave and turns on her heel swiftly and walks away. Jack faces Dawson, who I've yet to hear utter word, and mumbles something to him I can't quite hear. They turn and walk down the hallway after Andie, their footsteps heavy.

I don't move to follow any of them, my feet are frozen in place. I watch Jen and Joey walk away from me, hating myself for being the cause of all this heartache.

The girls are almost at the end of the hallway, about to make the turn down the science wing. The long strands of Joey's hair are tossed over her shoulder and she looks back and her large hazel eyes are bright with so many emotions as they stare into mine for that single moment in time.

A second later it's over and she has disappeared down the hall.

I can almost believe she heard me. I spoke to her...just like I have been since yesterday. I begged her to hear me, to see me, and she's been oblivious. But this time, I almost think she heard me. Her back straightened, and there was a new resolve in her eyes.

I think...maybe. I wonder why this time she heard and before there's been nothing?

Whether or not I had anything to do about it, I'm proud of her. I know how hard it will be for her to walk into that building and face all those people. If the situation were reversed, and thank God it's not, I don't think I'd have the nerve to go in there; to walk the halls alone where once we walked them together. Unbeknownst to her, however, we'll still be walking them together.

I haven't left her side since I found her. Well, once or twice I did. I wanted to try getting through to Bessie and Bodie. Unsurprisingly, I failed. Even in death, I'm destined to be a failure.

I follow behind her as she walks slowly towards the school, her eyes trained steadily on the ground. I want her to lift her chin and her beautiful eyes and face the world like she used to. Not broken like this...

I am going to get through to her. I have to. There's so much I need to say to her, things she needs to know. There are so many things I never said...never got the chance to say.

She continues silently to her locker and I follow behind, just like a shadow. I walk among the students, and I still feel weird when they stare right through me. Maybe I wasn't always the center of attension, but I was at least acknowledged. Now....now it's just strange.

Kenny Reiling's picking his nose in the corner, furtivily checking to make sure no one sees. Sarah something or other is checking out Hunter Christian, while her boyfriend's back is turned. Hunter winks a clear blue eye at her and Sarah blushes, turning away. You'd be surprised what people will do when they think no one's looking.

She finally lifts her eyes when she approaches her locker to see what I've been aware of since we started our path down the hallway. Our friends.

Jen, Jack, Dawson and Andie stand in a cluster by her locker, talking in hushed tones to one another. I feel a wave of guilt for not even thinking about them since my 'return'. Jen's leaning against Jack, her face is a pale gray and her usually bouncing curls hang limply around her face.

Jack stands tall and straight, his legs braced apart his arm protectivly around Jen's shoulders. His face is stony, but his eyes are soft in concern, his free hand rests assuringly on Dawson's shoulder. Judging by his stance, I think Jack's become the rock of the group, the one they lean on. I have to wonder what kind of toll that puts on him. He looks so frayed around the edges.

Dawson sure doesn't look to be a candidate for support. His blond hair is dirty and hanging in his face, there are huge bags under his eyes and he keeps shifting his weight, like this is the last place he wants to be. Now he knows how I felt walking into this building every day. My eyes flit away from him to the last blond of the small group.

Andie looks just as bad as Jen, and I feel a sudden wave of worry for her. Wondering how she's handling this. After everything that she went through with her brother's death and Abby's...now mine. I never thought I had the power to put that look in her eyes.

I stare at them as a shiver of awe runs down my spine. I can't believe my death has impacted them so. I never thought I mattered so much.

Jen smiles causiously at Joey, and my love forces a smile to her face before turning to her locker. She twists the knob around around, biting her lip in concentration. The others watch with sad eyes as she keeps twisting the dial, turning...turning...turning...unable to settle on a number.

Andie steps forward, tears shining in her eyes and puts her hand over Joey's. Their eyes meet and it's like they can read each other's minds and Joey's bag falls to her side as she embraces Andie in a tight hug. Jen joins them less than a moment later.

I hang back with Jack and Dawson and watch the girls. It's the first time I've ever seen them so...in tuned to one another. Even if I could, I wouldn't want to interrupt their moment. My eyes flicker to Jack and Dawson, Jack seems turned off to the moment letting them take and give the comfort he isn't able to offer. Dawson...Dawson looks dazed. Almost like he's not there.

The girls seperate themselves with embarressed smiles and moist eyes. Joey takes a deep breath and attempts to open her locker again, Jen immediatly goes back to Jack's side, resting her head against his shoulder.

I turn to Andie, "McPhee. I'm here..." I wave my hand in front of her face half-heartedly. No reaction. This is a routine I'm getting used to.

But I've got to try.

I try to communicate with each of my friends as they move into conversation. "How're you holding up?" Jack askes Joey, rubbing Jen's shoulder comfortingly.

"Oh, I'm great." She replies sarcastically, "I'm thinking about throwing a party tomorrow in celebration of my boyfriend's death. What do you think?"

Andie gives her an appalled look oblivious to my presense right in front of her. "Joey!"

"What?" She shrugs tiredly, "You ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer."

"He was only trying to help," Jen defends Jack.

"And I'm only trying to make it through the day without wanting to join him."

"Jo..." Jack whispers, pained.

"I'm just trying not to see him everywhere I go. Not to here his voice. Not to remember his smile. I'm a wreck, Jack! Is that what you wanted to hear? That I can't take a single step without wanting him to be there with me? That when I breathe, I ache?" I feel tears sting my eyes as I stand beside her, helpless to do anything to ease her pain.

"We know how you-"

"No!" She cut off Andie with a glare, "You don't have any idea. You lost a brother and you lost a friend," she swallows back her tears with difficulty. "You-you don't understand. I lost my true love...I lost him before I even got a chance to say goodbye...before he-he even knew how much I love him."

"I know, Joey! I know!" No matter how hard I yell, I can't make myself heard. It hurts, knowing I caused this pain. That I'm here and she doesn't know it.

"So don't tell me you know how I feel." She continues, her anger gone to be replaced with raw agony.

Jack abandons Jen to embrace Joey. If it weren't Jack, I'd feel jealous. Damn it, it is Jack and I'm still jealous. He gets to be there, holding her, feeling her, easing her pain when I...I don't even fucking exist.

"I'

m sorry, Jo." Jack whispers, "I'm sorry."

She steps back, wiping her eyes. "Me too," she forces a smile. "I didn't mean to-"

"I know," he rubs her back reassuringly.

"It's just...the only way I'll make it through today is if I try not to think about it." She explains.

"I understand, I wont ask again."

She leans her forehead against his shoulder, "Thank you, Jack." She murmurs.

"Come on, Jo." Jen steps forward, her voice quieter than I remember. "Let's go to class."

Joey nods and pulls out the science book she needs for first period and her binder before closing her locker and hooking an arm through Jen's. Andie gives them a small wave and turns on her heel swiftly and walks away. Jack faces Dawson, who I've yet to hear utter word, and mumbles something to him I can't quite hear. They turn and walk down the hallway after Andie, their footsteps heavy.

I don't move to follow any of them, my feet are frozen in place. I watch Jen and Joey walk away from me, hating myself for being the cause of all this heartache.

The girls are almost at the end of the hallway, about to make the turn down the science wing. The long strands of Joey's hair are tossed over her shoulder and she looks back and her large hazel eyes are bright with so many emotions as they stare into mine for that single moment in time.

A second later it's over and she has disappeared down the hall.