September 27, 1999

You'll have to excuse me; I'm not at my best,
I've been gone for a week; I've been drunk since I left.
These so-called vacations will soon be my death,
I'm so sick from the drink, I need home for a rest.

                                    -- Spirit of the West

Hey All,

As you could probably guess, I've spent the last week and a half on the 
Emerald Isle.  My roommate Krishna came over from Ottawa and we met up 
at Heathrow, only to fly into Dublin to find it pissing rain (who'd a thought?).  
I would describe Ireland as a country where there is a lot to see, but not a 
lot to do.  Which is why they spend most of their time in pubs drinking themselves 
into oblivion.  Trying to desperately understand their culture, Krishna and I had 
to subject ourselves to multiple pub visits per day, stomaching pints of Guinness, 
Murphy's, and Kilkenny.  Oh, the horror of it all.

Before I go into it all, a couple of interesting facts about this island.  
They brew 1.5 billion pints of Guinness per year, of which they only export 
50% of it.  The rest is drunk domestically.  They distill 23 million bottles 
of Irish whiskey per year, of which they export 50% of it.  With a population 
of only 3 million, it's no wonder the Irish have a reputation for drinking alot.  
And that's not including all the other Irish beers, imports, other alcoholic 
drinks, etc.

Arriving at Dublin, we immediately got on a bus to the Guinness brewery.  Forget 
accomodation, we had our priorities (getting into the Irish spirit, of course).  
Now I've only ordered two Guinnesses in my life prior to Ireland, and I haven't 
really enjoyed them very much.  I've been told the Guinness in Ireland actually 
tastes different, and mark my word, it's golden there.  I ended up drinking more 
Guinness than anything else.  After the tour and the complimentary beverages, 
we found our way to Jacob's Inn Hostel.  We were in a mixed room of 10.  A couple 
guys came in and were asking us questions, of which we couldn't understand.  I 
guessed at a couple answers and amazingly got them right, 'cause they didn't kill 
us.  Krishna thought they were Dutch, but when we asked them, they said Cork, which 
is in the south of Ireland.  It was at that point, that despite Ireland being mostly
English, we were going to have a major language barrier with their strong accents.

We hit the pubs that night and met up with Monica and Rachel (no Pheobe wasn't around).  
They were massage therapists in Toronto.  Rachel was nice, but Monica was strange (to 
be polite).  She insisted that she could kick my ass in a battle of wits (no laughing 
out there).  When I got back to England, I even received an email from her still 
insisting that she could beat me.  We visited three pubs that night.  That night, 
there was this guy in the hostel who snored like a chainsaw.  He kept us up the 
entire night.  We debated about throwing our shoes at him, but opted for living 
throughout the trip.

The next morning we went to the airport to pick up our Ford Focus, which was bright red.  
As such, we named her Nicole, in honour of Nicole Kidman, who (we know she's an Aussie) 
played an Irish woman in Far and Away.  Nikki did us proud for the week.  We drove to 
Galway and found a nice hostel with a two bed room and its own bathroom and shower.  
We stopped by a pub for lunch, a pint, and to watch a hurling match, which is a very 
violent Irish game.  It's kind of a cross between lacrosse and football (soccer).  That 
night we went to a pub and they had Face Value playing.  They were an excellent local 
band whose lead guitarist looked like he was on major steroids.

The next day (once we awoke from the night before's debauchery), we drove down to 
the Cliffs of Moher.  Now, this is what I pictured Ireland to be:  rolling green hills, 
large cliffs jetting down into the ocean below, with waves pounding against them.  Our 
goal for the day was not to fall off the cliffs.  Luckily we succeeded.  The cliffs 
were amazing and we took the most pictures here, than anywhere on the trip (which means 
about 6 each).  At this point, it started to rain (quel surprise), which let up once 
in a while, as the sun would burst through the clouds.  It's no wonder that Ireland is 
the greenest country ever.  It was sunny, it rained, it was cloudy, it rained.  This 
would happen in a span of 30 minutes.  It was strange.

That night, we met Kate and Caroline and went to the pubs with them.  The first one was 
a typical Irish pub with Irish music.  Then we went to Buskers and stayed there till close.  
We went back to the hostel (all of us were staying there) and stayed up till about 5am 
chatting away.

The next day we left for Killarney.  At Torc Waterfall, I dropped my sunglasses and they 
are now a permanent resident of Killarney national park.  The park was beautiful.  While 
driving back from Torc, we picked up a couple people who needed a ride back to the town.  
The girl happened to be the dumbest person in the world, and it was difficult to keep a 
straight face on the ride back into town.  Going out to pubs in Killarney wasn't as good 
as Galway.  The average age in the pubs was 70.  Many tour groups of old people were around 
and they all wanted to check out the pubs.  We decided to go to a club, but at 11pm, we 
were the only two people there.  We then went to another pub and found two English girls 
who were roughly our age.  Unfortunately their combined IQ was less than a lamppost.  
They wanted us to go to a club with them, but Krish and I declined as the brainwaves were 
just powerful for us.

We were supposed to stay in Killarney for a couple days, but opted to move onto Cork 
(pronounced Cark by the locals) as the nightlife just wasn't good in Killarney.  During 
the day, we drove through the Dingle Peninsula.  It was difficult to say Dingle Peninsula 
without laughing like a schoolgirl.

In Cork, we went to Rosie O'Reily's pub.  It was great.  Krish dared me to use the following 
line on one of the girls there, which I of course did.  Now let me say it was really funny 
after a couple of pints.  The line was "I hear there's this really cool local band... U 
something, U3?"  I tried it twice.  The first time I got a five minute chat out of this girl.  
The second time, at the On Brog pub, we ended up chatting with these two girls from Tipperary 
and let me tell you, it wasn't a long way to go.  We ended up going to a club with them 
afterwards where the maximum age was 23 (?)  We got in and had a great time.  On the way 
out, this gorgeous girl grabbed me by the arm and said "You're so cute!".  With the lack 
of brain cells actually working at this time, I conveniently thanked her and walked out of 
the club.  We went back to Una and Emer (sp?)'s place and watched a Metallica concert.  
I kept saying:  "Una, Oprah, Oprah, Una", but she didn't get it.  Krish had a laugh.  
We ended up crashing there 'cause there was no possible way of finding our hostel at 
5 in the morning.

The next day, we went to Blarney to see the Blarney Castle and kiss the Blarney Stone.  
Kissing the stone is supposed to make you eloquent, but ever since I kissed it, I've 
lost all my charm (no jokes please).  I've never actually stood in line to kiss a 
rock before, but oh, was it worth the $7.00 to do (sarcasm).  Afterwards, we went to 
the Jameson Whiskey Distillery for a tour and some sampling.  Krishna was chosen to 
be tutored as an Irish Whiskey taster.  I dared him to take one sip of the whiskey and 
pound the table, knocking over everyone's drinks saying, "Oh yeah, that's good stuff".  
He declined unfortunately, but it would have been hilarious.

The next day we drove to Kilkenny.  We had trouble actually saying Kilkenny without 
saying "You Bastard" (a la South Park).  Unfortunately the Kilkenny brewery was 
closed for the season.  Kilkenny is exported as Smithwicks.  We went to a couple 
good pubs that night and tried the Kilkenny.  It must have been really strong, 'cause 
it really had a big effect on us.  We met up with a hen party (bachelorette party) 
who were all just drunk out of their minds. One of them kept chatting Krishna up, 
but because of her strong Irish accent, after a couple minutes, just said "I have 
no idea what you're saying".

The next day, we drove back to Dublin and returned Nikki to Murray's Eurocar.  She 
was a fine automobile.  We got to the hostel and slept most of the day, other than a 
brief stroll through a downpour back to the Guinness brewery to buy some merchandise.  
That night, since we were both a little sick (after 7 days of pubbing), we decided to 
go see the Thomas Crowne Affair.

And finally, the next morning, we got to the airport (grudgingly) by 6:15am to fly back 
to Heathrow.  So ends our journey through this land of beer, whiskey, and lots of green 
things. Again, it's a great place to visit, but there's not much to do there other than 
go to the pubs and drink your troubles away.

Till next time,

Rob O'Saxe