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DOWNHILLS DOWNDEADBEAT
Thought for the day: Kissing a girl because she lets you is like scratching a place
that doesn't itch.
Another thought: If all the cars in Britain were laid end to end along the Southend
Road, it would be Sunday.
INJELLIJENSE TEST
1. A man takes 2 hours to write 3,000 words by hand, how long would it take him if he
used a pencil?
2. If one foot of ¼ inch elastic catapults a one pound weight seven feet, and
if elastic costs 3/- a square foot, what is the cost of sending six people to
America?
3. Did the panic of 1837 start because it was really 1838?
Thought: Before Columbus found America in 1492 it was lost for how many years?
Quote from a member of staff: "Downhills is becoming more Co and less Educational."
When Caesar's armies invaded Britain in 54 BC, a Scotsman was heard to remark,"OCH!
There's a Roman in the Gloamin!"
I wish that my room had a floor!
I don't so much care for a door,
But this crawling around
Without touching the ground
Is getting to be quite a bore!
Under our new security scheme we are forbidden to tell you that R. Lockyer and
R. Morgan compiled this page of .............. (please fill in suggestions).
The news that only we dared to print
MONDAY: Today members of staff denied that rugby was on the syllabus for G.C.E.
geography.
TUESDAY:- During a fight in the playground, prefects did stirling work helping
hurt first years.
WEDNESDAY:- The Headmaster would like to speak with two boys in connection with
today's fire-drill; firstly the one who called the fire brigade and secondly the one
stood in the road asking passing motorists for petrol.
THURSDAY:- The Head Boy denied that the prefects spend all their time playing billiards.
Several prefects were caught playing poker.
FRIDAY:- For the past week the Pepsi-Cola machine has been giving a full cup of Pepsi
every time it is used and members of staff are anxious to know who has been tampering
with it.
PROGRESS - After many years of careful planning and negotiations the powers
that be managed to arrange that instead of this school working in a forty
year old building we should move to a fifty year old building.
AT THIS RATE BY 2063 THE SCHOOL WILL BE IN A CAVE.
If all the pupils who attended morning assembly last week will give their names to
the Head Boy he will refund the price of admission.
At the school sports, after a boy had run the hundred yards in 4½ secs. the
starter was issued with blank cartridges.
NOTICE. It has come to our notice that magazine staff have been dying on the job
and either refusing or neglecting to fall down. Staff found dead on the job in an
upright position will immediately be dropped from the magazine. In future if a member
suspects that any of his fellows have made no movement for three hours, it will be
his duty to investigate as it is almost impossible to distinguish between death and
natural movement in some of our staff. A reliable test is to hold a five pound note in
front of the body although natural impulse has been known to make several corpses
reach out for the cash even after rigor mortis has set in.
by A. Willis (2C)
I love exams - they're most exciting,
Not very hard - but so much writing
Pencil sharp - pen full of ink?
Now what's the first one - let me think.
Noise by C. Martin (1L)
I like noise
Big banging noise
The bell goes clang,
The choir is loudly singing,
The bells clanging and ringing,
Bang goes the drums,
Crack goes the guns,
I like noise,
Big banging noise.
Spaghetti by R. Huff (3H)
A lump of spaghetti
All covered in salt,
I hate it with meat-balls
And also with malt.
I find it disgusting
How people can eat
Spaghetti with meat-balls
And still be discreet.
I cannot get over
This shameful display
Of eating spaghetti
With meat-balls each day.
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