Toasties and Politics
By THOMAS ABLEMAN,
political editor of The Toastie Times
Following a period of legal restrictions, toastie making underwent liberalisation in the 1960s (described in greater detail by Salisbury in his seminal work History of the Toastie, published by Hook 1999). The last of the great toastie trials took place in 1967, inspired by DH Lawrence's infamous book Lady Chatterley's Toastie, which included scenes of highly descriptive toasting, and indeed tasting (See The Influence of Toasties on Literature by Chandler, 1999). With the exception of the recent film Smash, describing the effects of combining Oregano toasties and ready made mashed potatoes, toastie making has not since been criticised for reasons of decency.
Toastie making found a more serious threat in the form of Margaret Thatcher, elected British Prime Minister in 1979. Thatcher launched a series of attacks on the Toastie United Cookers (TUC), describing toasties as outdated, outmoded and holding Britain back. Frequent street battles occurred, culminating in the infamous Toastie Tax introduced in 1989. This was the turning point. Toastie makers from across the United Kingdom converged on Trafalgar Square. Giant toasties were hurled over the gates of 10 Downing Street. Despite her defiant assertion that "The Lady's not for Toasting", it was clear Thatcher was finished. In the infamous "Night of the Butter Knives" Margaret Thatcher was ousted from office whilst in Paris negotiating the Common Agricultural and Toastie Policy (CATP). John Major, her successor, promised a "Classless society" with a "Toastie shop in every town". Despite gaffes such as the "Toastiemakers' Charter" and the troubled policy of "Back to Basic Toasties", John Major won widespread approval for his pro-Toastie stance.
In the 1992 general election the Labour party was widely seen to be in trouble. The leader Neil Kinnock, whilst correctly interpreting the public mood as generaly pro-Toastie, led a campaign that went too far. His threat to expel all militants (militant being defined as those that did not eat cheese) was seen to backfire. The Sun Newspaper killed of Labour's chance of victory with a frontpage headline "Will The Last Person To Leave Britain Please Turn Out The Toastie-Maker".
The years 1992-7 were a disaster for John Major. The start of the sleaze season was a story involving the Duchess of York which appeared in the News of the World: "He sucked her Toasties". The next year the culture minister David Mellor was forced to resign after being accused of making toasties whilst wearing a Chelsea strip. Neil Hamilton and Tim Smith both lost their jobs after being accused of accepting cash for toasties, and in 1997 Piers Merchant was photographed kissing a toastie in a London park. The Labour party capitalised on Tory disarrary, presenting an image of wholesome, wholemeal toastie consumption. The leader Tony Blair (or Toastie Tone as he preferred to be called) ran a campaign under the slogan New Labour New Toasties, promising shorter toastie queues, more toasties for 5,6 and 7 year olds and no rise in toastie prices for five years. However, he was criticised for sticking to basic Tory toastie recipies.
In the 1997 election Toastie Tone was swept to power in a landslide victory widely seen as a repudiation of Tory toastie policy. However, since that time growing rumbles of discontent have been heard. Despite Blair's frequent calls of "Toasties for the many, not the few" and frequent pledges to be "Tough on sogginess, tough on the causes of sogginess", many say not much as changed. Toastie distribution is still biased towards the rich, and parties at 10 Downing Street in which Chris Evans was seen eating caviar toasties did much to tarnish New Labour's image. In 1998 the Welsh Secretary Ron Davies was seen eating a bent toastie on Clapham Common, while Trade Secretary Peter Mandelson had to resign after buying toasties with money he had not earned. Meanwhile, William Hague, the new Tory leader, has adopted a resolutely populist line. He has launched a crusade for a ban on European toasties, but was criticised for describing the head of the EU as a "Croque Monsieur". Today, toasties, as ever, remain at the heart of political debate.