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Infertility,
Child Loss And The Bible
©1998 Sarah
Vita
 Introduction
In Judaism, as in
most major religions, a big emphasis is placed on the
family. Jews are comanded by G-d to "be fruitful and
multiply"(Genesis 1:28), and , in our marriage ceremony, we
promise to have children that will be brought up according
to the laws of Moses. It says in the Mishnah Torah (Mishnah
Torah Hilkhot Ishut 15) that, after 10 years of infertility,
men are permitted to divorce and take another wife so that
they can have children. Where does that leave childless
women?
Many prayers refer
to the way in which we must pass to our children our
heritage, our customs, our values, our names. What about
those of us who also value children but, for one reason or
another, can't have any? What can we expect from G-d? What
can we expect from our Jewish community?
Modern
Medicine
Modern medicine
has been able to help some of us get pregnant. New drugs and
techniques have permitted previously infertile men and women
to conceive. In the past, these couples had no scientific
reason for hope for having children. Some were aware of this
even before they married, and, yet, they chose to marry and
have an otherwise fulfilling life. Others found out later in
their marriage, after long periods of 'trying', of
frustration, of shame and humiliation.
Modern medicine
has been able to keep women pregnant longer. Aided by extra
doses of progesterone, baby aspirins, and other medical
interventions, more women than before come to discover that
they have become pregnant and that their late, especially
heavy menstrual cycle is actually a spontaneous miscarriage.
In my case, even though my baby died at about 6 gestational
weeks (after I had seen her heartbeat in the first
ultrasound), because I was taking hormones, I remained
pregnant, growing and happy until my next ultrasound at 12
gestational weeks.
Modern medicine
has been able to change the way we 'see', literally,
pregnancy. After about 7 weeks, we can actually 'see' the
baby taking a form. We can watch her develop. We can see her
heart beating. We can view her sucking her thumb. As we
watch her grow, we can more easily imagine what she will
look like. We can more quickly see problems as they develop
and get prompt intervention. For some of us, that may make
the difference between having a healthy baby or no baby at
all.
Modern medicine
has its limitations, and, for most of us, none of these
'miracles' results in the baby that we are hoping for. The
suffering can be enourmous.
Infertility
in the Old Testament
In
Genesis
16:1-11, 17:15-17, 20:17-21:08,
Sarah, Abraham's wife, was 'barren', in Genesis_29:20-30:24
, Rachel, Jacob's wife, was infertile, in I
Samuel 1:1-2:10,
Hannah, Elkanah's wife, had trouble conceiving, and in
Judges
13:02-24,
Manoah's wife could not bear a child. Ever faithful and
hopeful, each one grieved and dealt with their pain in
different ways. G-d did not let their suffering go
unacknowledged; nor did G-d let their prayers go unanswered.
In each story, G-d delivered them from infertility to
motherhood.
In some places in
the Bible, infertility is seen as a punishment for a crime
(Leviticus 20:20-21). G-d punishes evil-doers by making the
land barren (2 Kings, Esther, etc.), and barrenness is
sometimes seen as a metaphor for Israel's exile. Some
scholars interpret this infertility of some of our
matriarchs as a religious ordination (Teubal, Savina J.
(1984). Sarah the Priestess: The First Matriarch of
Genesis. Athens, Ohio: Swallow Press). These 'barren'
women delivered us some of our most interesting leaders:
Isaac, Joseph, Samuel, and Samson, but what about the women
for whom G-d does not intervene? What consolation is there
for them?
Child
Loss Before 30 Days
In Jewish law,
babies younger than 30 days old are not given full human
status. In the Babylonian Talmud (Yevamot 69B), a fetus up
to 40 days old is considered to be "merely water". Women who
miscarry a fetus that is more than 3 months in gestation,
may not perform a Pidyon Haben (first-born male ceremony)
for a subsequent son born alive because the fetus, in this
case, was considered to be the first issue of the mother's
womb. Still, there are not rituals for this 'first issue'.
When a fetus is 5 months old, some consider it to have
acquired a shape, and they permit some recognition of this
loss by permitting a burial (Eisenstein, J.D. 1938. A
Treasury of Laws and Customs. NY,NY: Hebrew Publishing Co.).
Fetuses older than 5 months, stillborn babies, and babies
under 30 days old are buried in family plots or in a
communal plot with others in that age group. Usually, for
fetuses, no formal ceremony is held. Stillborn children and
those under 30 days may be ritually washed, buried in a
casket, be the recipient of the El Malei
Rachamim prayer (asking G-d to watch and grant peace
to the departed soul), and be given a Hebrew name at
graveside. Circumcision of boys before burial is optional,
there is no ritual rending of garments, and some rabbis do
not permit the Kaddish Prayer to be said. A
baby who is born alive, but dies after from 1 to 30 days,
may be accorded a full burial by some of the more
contemporary Reconstructionist, Reform, and Conservative
rabbis. As it says in the Mishnah Nidah 5:3: A one day old
infant who dies is, to his father and mother, like a full
bridegroom.
Some say that
these laws were motivated by compassion; in the past, so
many women lost their pregnancies and their infants, and, in
the present, it permits Jewish women to have abortions. As a
result of this law, there are no routine mourning rituals
for women who have suffered this devastating
loss.
Maintaining
the Faith
It seems
impossible to understand why some people can have children
and others can't. We may have medical explanations, but it
is difficult to find the spiritual ones. There are those of
us who believe that, even though we may never understand
why, G-d does everything for a reason; we have a need to
search for explanations and a need for loving compassion.
Look to G-d (through yourself, your rabbi, or religious
people) for the spiritual insights, look to friends and
family (and angels in the form of strangers) for the
emotional support, and look to the medical community for
scientific explanations. Don't lose hope! Keep the
faith!
I pray that my
pages aid your journey. In my pain, I reach out to you in
love.
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