Notes: The scammers letters are posted exactly the way I received them. My replies are in the grey boxes, and the scammers and his aliases are in the other colours. I have added pictures, where necessary, in order to help those who are unfamiliar with some of the references I have made. I have also posted explanatory comments at the end of some of the messages, these also serve as a running commentary. 

Note, this scambait is fairly long, but it is well worth sticking with, as things take an unexpected and somewhat interesting turn, as the saga nears an end.

From : Mr. Joseph Otumba <xxxx@portugalmail.com>
To: Stuart Bistard <xxxx@hotmail.com>

Date : Sat, 12 Jul 2003 20:09:32 +0200

FROM: ENGR.JOSEPH OTUMBA.
H.O.D ACCOUNTS DEPT.
FIRST BANK PLC(HQ)
35 MARINA LAGOS,
LAGOS STATE, NIGERIA.
PRIVATE PHONE :+234-80-3320xxxx
ALTERNATIVE EMAIL; xxxx@yahoo.co.uk

It is my humble pleasure and trust, I write this very
important letter to you, considering you are capable
and kind enough to assist us in this understated
business proposal. I am just trying to know if you can
be of help, irrespective of the fact that we didn't
know each other before or have met for the first time
in life. I came across your contact via international
profile in my earnest searching for a truthful/honest
person to handle this business with us. Firstly,
I must solicit your strictest confidentiality in this
transaction, this is by virtue of its nature as being
top secret and confidential. I am Engr. Joseph Otumba,
Head of Accounts Department. First Bank Plc (HQ) Lagos
Nigeria. I know that a transaction of this magnitude
will make someone whom you didn't know for the first
time to feel apprehensive, but be assured that all
will be well with every involved persons at the end of
this business as it is risk free.

THE PROPOSITION

A FOREIGNER, ENGR.MICHAEL CREEK (AN EXPARTRIATE
ENGINEER, who has a domiciliary Account with this
Bank, FIRST BANK NIG. PLC (HQ) Foreign Operation
Unit,was an oil merchant / contractor with The
Federal Government of Nigeria for many years, but for
about 2 years now from 2000 his account was dormat
without saving more money or withdrawing from the
account as it used to be and because of this
development, his account officer MR. HENRY EGOBIA
reported the matter to me as the head of the account
department, and upon this report, I conducted a
personal investigation by sending MR. HENRY to the
address submitted by Engr.Creek as of the time he
opened the said account with us to know the cause or
reason of everything before the matter will be made
known to the bank in general.

But pity he came back with a report to me that Engr.
Creek died some time in 2000 in a ghastly car
accident in Port-Harcourt, Nigeria Oil heart city
leaving in his account US$20.2m cash. Now I have
informed the bank authorities and board members about
this matter and after many meetings, they resolved
that I should contact the relatives or next of kin on
behalf of the bank, for them to file a letter of
claim, but all efforts by this dept to contact any of
his relatives or next of kin have proved unsuccessful.
His country embassy has tried without success and
wrote to me suggesting that the fund be shared to THE
RED CROSS, CHILD CARE TRUST or MOTHERLESS BABIES HOME
and AIDS ORGANISATION IN AFRICA .In order to prevent
the bank from diverting this fund as unclaimed fund or
sharing it as said by the embassy which I know they
will not do, I and my colleagues MR. HENRY EGOBIA
being MR. THOMAS's account's officer, the bank lawyer,
P.R.O. and the administrative Manager now seek your
assistance for you to stand as the next of kin /
relation of Engr Michael Creek in claiming this
US$20.2m. All the documents that will enable you cliam
this fund will be carefully provided for you to submit
for the workout of this claim. If this is acceptable to
you, kindly contact me through this private e-mail
address or via my private phone number
+234-80-3320xxxx also forward to me your
telephone, fax, mobile number, your full home address
for easy communication as more detail will follow up.
We will be also happy to hear from you. We have
agreed to part with 20% percentage of the total amount
as your own share of the money for assisting us in
this deal. We shall also map out percentage of this
money to take care of incidental expenses that may
arise in the course of this transaction.
Immediately this fund is being remitted into your
account, note that high degree of trust is required
from you.

Thank you in anticipation of your co-operation.

Awaiting your response urgently.

Regards,
Engr.Joseph Otumba.
H.O.D. ACCOUNTS DEPT.
FIRST BANK PLC.

I received your message, regarding your financial offer, through my company email account.

Since I want to keep our dealings secret from my business partners, I have decided to contact you through my personal email account, instead. I hope this is satisfactory with you.

Anyway, your offer is most interesting and I would like to find out more about it.

Please contact me as soon as you can.

Yours faithfully,

Stuart P. D. Bistard.

NOTES:

I picked the name Stuart P. D. Bistard because it is a coded way for me to call the scammer a Stupid Bastard every time I respond to him. Once I gain his confidence I will simply use the name Stu P. D. Bistard.

I will play this persona with a bit of craziness.

From: Joseph Otumba <xxxx@yahoo.com>
To: Stuart Bistard <xxxx@hotmail.com>

Subject : CONTACT ME ASSAP
Date : Tue, 9 Sep 2003 07:27:36 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Stuart,

Thanks for your prompt response to my mail and also
for the courage you have taken, it is satisfactory to
me. May the good God continue to bless you. I will
like to let you know that this transaction needs
immediate follow up if you really want to assist us to
have this money in your account.

I can assure you that this transaction is 100% legal
and risk free, as all underground work has been carried
out by I and my partners. Please reply and let me know
if you really want to help us so that I can forward a
letter on your name requesting the release of this
money into your nominated bank account.

All you have to do, call me today as soon as possible
so that I can give you further directive on what next
to do immediately. You can reach me on my telephone
Number 234-803355xxxx, this is my private direct
Number.

These are the modalities.

(1) You do not have to come over to Nigeria before this
transaction can take place, what I need from you is to
be honest with me at the end.

(2) There is 100% guaranty for you to have this
money in your account within the next five (5) bank
working days.

(3) You will be guaranteed as the next of kin to
Late Engr. Michael creek as the beneficiary of
this money, as all underground work has been
Concluded.

All you need to do is to fill out carefully the next
of kin payment application form which will be send to
you from the foreign operations unit of the bank, as
soon as this form has been carefully filled out by
you, you are to returned it back to the bank via there
Email address or fax number immediatly, so they can
forward it to the vetting officers who will now sign
it for payment approval. And once it is approved you
will be paid via the central bank of Nigeria or via
our offshore payment center in UK for immediate
remmitance to your nominated bank account. We have
also made an arrangement on any cent you spent on this
transaction, must be write down by you and evidence
that the fund was incured for the betterment of this
transaction. This fund which being incured by you will
be refunded by us when the fund finally arrives your
nominated bank account, before the whole fund will be
disbursted.

Please call me as soon as you get this message on my
private telephone number-234-80-3355xxxx for further
directive on this matter, and as soon as I hear from
you. Please note that it is important that this
transaction be kept very confidential (top secret) this
is for our good interest. Please note that you will be
rewarded with 30% of the whole money ($20.2 million)
when the money finally gets into your bank Account.

Thanks.

I await your immediate response.

Best regards,
Joseph.

Your proposition sounds very satisfactory to me, and I think we will be able to work on it together, with a good outcome for us both. These offers don't happen very often, so I am very happy that you were able to contact me, and no one else. I wanted to tell my friends Mr. Drakh and Mr. Morden about it, but since I wasn't sure that they could be trusted with such a venture, I decided to keep it secret.

Unfortunately, I have just moved into a new house, and the phone line hasn't yet been installed. However, from what the phone company has told me it shouldn't be too long before I get a connection. I am using my neighbours line to send my emails, but since I cannot talk on their phone without being overheard, it probably isn't a good idea to talk to you on it, as they will want to get involved in our deal too.

I hope this isn't a big problem, as I am very keen on helping you get Mr. Creeks money out of the bank, before someone else gets their hands on it.

What do you think?

Can we get started on this project via email first, and then sort out what to do about the rest of the details once I get my phone connection on?

I look forward to your reply, and to the opportunity to conclude this venture in a profitable and rewarding manner that will be beneficial to us both.

Your new business partner,

Stuart P. D. Bistard.

NOTES:

The first paragraph has references to the science fiction TV show Babylon 5. The Drakh are aliens who were working for the evil race called The Shadows, and Mr. Morden was an Earthling who also worked for them. Neither The Shadows, nor Mr. Morden, could be trusted.

From : Joseph Otumba <xxxx@yahoo.com>
To : Stuart Bistard <xxxx@hotmail.com>

Subject : GET BACK TO ME ASSAP
Date : Wed, 10 Sep 2003 13:18:56 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Stuart,

Thanks for your mail. I appreciate it and I pray that
God almighty will see us through as we continue in
this transaction amen.

Once again I will like to thank you for the courage
and trust you have taken. As you have said that you
will not let your friend know about this transaction
Is alright by me, you must know that you will have to
keep this most confidentially to yourself and not to
your friends.

Let me start by telling you that this transaction real
and it is 100% legal and every document backing it up.
From this very stage to the last stage has been
prepared for us not to go through any hitches. I assure
you that you are not committing any crime in assisting
me for this transaction.

And I would also want you to furnish me with these for
me to have much trust in you towards this transaction,
that if the money finally arrives in your nominated
Bank account you will not sit on it.

1. Your age.
2. Your company if there's any
3. Your house address.
4. Your photograph.
5. Name of your country.
6. Telephone number

Kindly provide me with these to assure me you will not
sit on the fund when it finally arrives your nominated
Bank account.

Thanks and god bless.

I await your urgent response.

Best regards,

Joseph.

I am glad that we are able to continue with this proposition. I believe you when you say this is 100% legal, as all the Africans I have met have been very nice people.

My friends, Mr. Drakh and Mr. Morden are still in the Shadows about this deal, and are most likely beyond the Rim of understanding it too. I sometimes wonder why I grey council with them, as they do not seem to trust the ways of fate and Valen.

Who do you grey council with? Your friends, family, or some other group of advisors? I am keen to learn your ways of dealing with people who don't live on the world as we do.

As for the details you require:

My age is 37.

I am a technical engineer for an electronics company.

My address is 2157 Avon Street, Brisbane.

Photo is attached.

My country is Australia.

My phone still hasn't been connected yet.

Since we are exchanging details, could you give me yours, as well as a photo, please?

May the blessings of the Prophets and the luck of the Bringloidi be with you,

Stuart P.D. Bistard.

NOTES:

I haven't actually met any native born Africans.

The second paragraph contains more Babylon 5 references. The Rim is where The Shadows went when they left our Galaxy. The Grey Council is the ruling body of the alien race called the Minbari. And Valen was the Minbari's greatest leader and prophet.

The last sentence has Star Trek references. The Prophets are the spiritual guides of the Bajoran race, and the Bringloidi were Irish-like colonists from Earth who settled on the planet Bringloid V.

The photo I sent him was actually one of Apollo 11 astronaut Neil Armstrong. (See below)

From : Joseph Otumba <xxxx@yahoo.com>
To : Stuart Bistard < xxxx@hotmail.com>

Subject : GOD WILL SEE US THROUGH.
Date : Fri, 12 Sep 2003 13:34:01 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Stuart,

Thanks for your prompt reply to my mail. I pray that
God almighy will guide and protect you and I to see
The end of this transaction amen.

As we have said, you will have to still keep this
Transaction proposal off the site of your friends and
Anyone else, this is due to some security reasons.

As for your question, I deal with people according to
The way they are and how much they can be trusted,
Most especially my family and friends.

As for the details you reguire too.

1. My full name: Joseph Otumba

2. Age: 44 years old (he tells my other persona that he's 47)

3. My home and office address: 12, Bishop Kings Avenue
Victoria Garding City Lagos Nigeria.

4. Office: First Bank of Nigeria plc(hq)
9th Floor, Ikoyi estate
Victoria Island, Lagos

5. Telphone number: 234-803355xxxx

6. Picture: will be sent as soon as it is ready.

I believed I have answered your questions, please
Contact me as soon as possible so as to know on what
next step to take towards this transaction.

Thanks and god bless.

Best regards,

Joseph

With the will of Sauron, I am sure we will be able to Ring in a Third Age of profit for us both. In fact, I feel I had a sign that foretold good luck while visiting the nearby town of Lothlorien, as I won a small wager with a local man by the name of Haldir Greenleaf. He bet I couldn't make a trip to Dimrill Dale, another nearby town, in less than forty minutes, but I proved him wrong!

Now, let's get back to the matter at hand.

I thank you for your details, as they give me even more confidence in your trustworthiness. It is very lucky that we were able to connect with each other, and have this great thing happen.

I have heard from the phone company, and they say I should have the phone on sometime next week. In the mean time, please continue to send me any further instructions via email, as I am very keen to complete this transaction as soon as possible.

On a side note, I was wondering if you'd be interested in investing part of your money in an Australian company. Steve Irwin International is going to start making high quality crocodile skin clothing and accessories next year, and will most likely be a very profitable investment. Returns of 15 to 25% are expected once the business is fully operational. However, this information is not in the public domain yet, so don't mention it to anyone, ok? I'm going to put about 30% of my money into this business, and if you're smart, you'll do the same. If you are interested in this, then let know, and I'll keep you informed as to future developments. By the way, I have nothing to do with this company, I'm just telling you about it in order to return the kindness you have shown me by letting me get involved in your project.

Oh, and don't forget to send me your photo, as I feel that having it is an important part in building up our bond of mutual trust.

May the First Ones look over you and keep you from the Shadows,

Stuart P. D. Bistard.

P.S. please call me Stu, as that is what my friends call me.

NOTES:

The first paragraph has references to Lord of the Rings. They are the names Sauron, Ring, and Third Age, the towns Lothlorien and Dimrill Dale, and the character names Haldir and Greenleaf. I'm not a fan of the fantasy genre, so I don't know much about Lord of the Rings.

Steve Irwin, aka the Australian host of the TV show The Crocodile Hunter, is definitely not going into the crocodile skin fashion business. He is a conservationist, and does everything he can to save these reptiles.

The second to last sentence has more Babylon 5 references. The First Ones are the ancient races of the Galaxy, which also includes the evil Shadows.

I have now started using the shortened name Stu P. D. Bistard. (Stupid Bastard)

From : Joseph Otumba < xxxx@yahoo.com>
To : Stuart Bistard < xxxx@hotmail.com>

Subject : CONTACT THEM
Date : Sat, 13 Sep 2003 14:13:54 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Stu,

Thanks for your prompt response to my last mail, I'll
Like you to know that any money that is been spent in
The process of this transaction will be refunded back
As soon as the transaction is over including the 30%
which you have been promised.

I hope you will restore your phone line in no time so
As to get this done in time via the phone and mail. As
For your question, I will send you my picture as soon
as it is ready.

You are supposed to know that I am going to invest my
Own part of the money in your country and I will need
Someone who will direct me on how to make things work
Out for me, so I don't mind, I am interested as long
As you will be the one to lead me on how to go about
things. But my question is, it is going to bring profit?

I believed we can conclude this transaction this in no
Time, if you and I want it to be concluded. And also
Remember that this transaction needs utmost
Confidentiality and urgent attention, it depend on how
Committed and how much trust we have in each other
that will, get this fund out as soon as we want it to be.

So be assured that you are to recieved the percentage
You are entitled to when this fund arrives your
Nominated bank account which is 30% of the total sum.

Dear friend,

The next step for us to take now is for
You to contact the foreign unit, because they are the
One that will direct us on what to do and they are the
One that will order the central bank of Nigeria to
release the fund $20.2m into your bank account.

You have to contact them as soon as possible telling
Them you want to claim the fund of your late brother
Engr Micheal Creek, who died in Nigeria in 2000. That
It will be your pleasure for them to tell you what to
do, so that you can collect what is rightly belongs to
You as his next of kin.

Make sure you do that as soon as you get this mail.
And let me know their reponse as soon they contact
You. Their contact is e-mail xxxx@financier.com.
That is their Email address of the head office
in United Kindom.

I believed god has answered our request, just contact
Them and let know what next.

I await your urgent response.

Thanks and god bless.

Best regards,

Joseph

To: The Foreign Unit.

Dear Sir,

I am the brother of the late engineer Michael Creek, who was lost in Nigeria in 2000.

I wish to inform you that I am rightfully claiming all the funds belonging to him, as I am his legal next of kin. The authority I have for making this claim is directly from my family's Grand Nagus, and cannot be refused.

Please provide me with all the necessary documents and instructions for recovering my brothers money, as soon as possible.

Thank you,

Quark Creek.
Manager,
Quark and Rom Entertainment Company,
Brisbane,
Australia.

NOTES:

My first reply to the Foreign Unit, as the brother of the dearly departed Engineer Michael Creek.

The title 'Grand Nagus' is what is given to the leader of the Ferengi homeworld and the names Quark and Rom belong to two Ferengi brothers. Quark runs an entertainment business on the show Deep Space Nine. These references are all from the Star Trek universe.

BACK TO JOSEPH:

Hi Joseph,

I have sent an email to the Foreign Unit as you requested, and I will let you know what their response is.

I am happy that you are going to invest your money in Australia, as this country is the best in the world. You can be assured that Steve Irwin International will be profitable, as he already has many full-grown crocodiles ready to be turned into clothing and accessories. If I can get hold of a company prospectus I will send it to you, and you can then judge for yourself whether it is a good investment or not.

I will contact you again when I hear from the Foreign Unit.

May no Vogon build an interstellar bypass near your world.

Your friend in business,

Stu P. D. Bistard.

NOTE:

The Vogons were an alien race in the TV show Hitch-hikers Guide to the Galaxy. They destroyed the Earth to make way for an interstellar bypass.

From : Joseph Otumba < xxxx@yahoo.com>
To : Stuart Bistard < xxxx@hotmail.com>

Subject : MY PICTURE.
Date : Mon, 15 Sep 2003 17:19:42 -0700 (PDT)

Attachment : JosephOtumba.jpg (80k)

Dear Stu,

How are you doing today? Hope all is fine.

I will like to know if the foreign unit has contacted
You, if they have or havent let me know.

I have been able to get one of my picture scanned.

As I have said get back to me when the foreign units
contacts you.

God bless you.

Best regards,
Joseph.

From : Williams Creep <xxxx@financier.com>
To : Quark Creek <xxxx@hotmail.com>

Subject : FORM OF CONFIRMATION OF NEXT OF KINSHIP.
Date : Mon, 15 Sep 2003 10:42:59 -0500

Attachment : FORMOFCONFIRMATIONOFNEXTOFKINSHIP.doc (30k)

Attn: Quark Creek,

Your mail was received by us and this organisation sympathize with you in the
lost of your brother. And we will do all we can to get your fund out for you.

You are to provide this bank with the infomation required in the attach box
below before the transfer will commence.

Head of Department Foreign Unit

Dr. Daniel Foster

THE 'DOCUMENT' THE FOREIGN UNIT SENT:

NOTES:

They're not very imaginative. The surname of the email sender is almost identical to the surname of the 'deceased' engineer Michael Creek, and his first name is the same as my other personas first name.

To: Head of Department Foreign Unit

Dear Dr. Daniel Foster,

HERE ARE THE DETAILS YOU REQUESTED:

Deceased mother's name: Lwaxana Troi Creek

Copy of your international passport or passport photograph: Attached

Deceased home address: 47 Betazed Way, Lake El-Nar City, Australia.

Deceased occupation: Plasma injector engineer. Oil technology division.

Deceased real names: Michael Creek.

Deceased bank account number: NCC-1701-4747-001

Details of your bank account: Bendi Bank, 162 Edward Street, Brisbane 4000, Australia.

Your full name and address: Quark Zek Creek, 74 The Promenade, Bajor Territory.

Name of your country and Age: Australia. 47.

REGARDS,

Quark Creek

NOTES:

I mistakenly filled this form out and sent it to the Foreign Unit before consulting with Joseph. I nearly ended the 'game' by doing this. Virtually all of the 'personal details' are people and places from the Star Trek universe.

BACK TO JOSEPH:

Dear Joseph,

Sorry about the delay in getting back to you. I sometimes have to go out of town to do work for my company.

Your photo would not open, but do not worry about it now. We will continue on with the business, anyway.

I have been contacted by the Foreign Unit, and have sent them all the details they requested.

Let me know what to do next.

May the excellent talents of B and B continue to watch over this Enterprise, so that it may continue to honour the legacy of this great franchise.

Stu P. D. Bistard.

NOTES:

The photo he sent me was simply a scanned black and white picture from a newspaper. (You can see it below) I told him it wouldn't open because I knew he'd be unable to produce a 'genuine' photo when I started demanding one later on. He obviously wasn't the person in the newspaper picture, so by making him think I couldn't open it, he'd think it was still ok to send me a real one.

The last sentence has more Star Trek references, this time to the new series Enterprise. B and B are the surname initials of the shows producers, Berman and Braga. Among Trek fans there is much debate about how well this new series is honouring the legacy of the whole Star Trek franchise,

Joseph Otumba - not!

From : Joseph Otumba < xxxx@yahoo.com>
To : Stuart Bistard < xxxx@hotmail.com>

Subject : GET BACK ASSAP
Date : Thu, 18 Sep 2003 01:53:49 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Stu,

Thanks for your response despite it was late. I
Appreciate it and pray as we continue in this season
Of hardship project, God almighty will see us through
Amen.

I am sorry that my picture couldn't open in your place
And I am glad that the Foreign Unit has contact you
And you are not to send them an answer without my
Knowledge. I will like to see what the foreign unit
Sent to you and then I will know what next to do.

How am I sure that the details you sent to them are
Truth? I am beginning to suspect you that you are not
honest and truthful as I though. You promised to send
Me the details of the foreign unit after they have
contacted you but you didn't do anyhting.

As for now, I don't know what next step to take
Because I don't know what the foreign unit has asked
You or have said.

Get back to me assap with the attachment of the
Foreign unit request, then I shall know what next to do.

Best regards

God bless you
Joseph.

NOTE:

In the third to last paragraph, Joseph let slip that he was aware of the false information I had sent to the Foreign Unit. Sloppy work, Joseph.

I just checked my email files and discovered that I forgot to send you the email telling you that the Foreign Unit had contacted me. I am sorry about that, it was just a mistake. I hope I haven't messed everything up.

However, I didn't realise that you wanted to see the Foreign Unit document BEFORE I replied to them. I just thought you wanted to know that they had contacted me, and nothing more.

I don't think it will be a problem, as I can just tell the Foreign Unit that I accidentally sent them Mr. Creeks old details, and not his new ones.

Anyway, I am sorry about this mix up. I hope we can continue with the deal.

The document the Foreign Unit sent me is attached.

Regards,

Stu P. D. Bistard.

NOTES:

I nearly blew the whole game by replying to the Foreign Unit before sending 'their' document to Joseph first. Of course, the FU and Joseph are one and the same, but I had to act as though I didn't know that. Since I felt I had to try and win back his confidence again, I deliberately kept this reply 'straight'.

From : Williams Creep Foreign Unit <xxxx@financier.com>
To : Stuart Bistard <xxxx@hotmail.com>

Subject : informations needed.
Date : Thu, 18 Sep 2003 07:10:58 -0500

Dear Mr. Quark,

Thanks for your response but I am sorry to tell you that we will not be able to
conmence on your request yet because we could not find the Certificate of
deposit and the will deceased made before his depart, with the affidavits of
next of kinship and letter of claim in your mail.

Please I want you to send all the informations need above so as to enable us
process your payment.
Truely Yours

Daniel Foster
(Head of Foreign Unit.)

NOTE:

Joseph, er, I mean the Foreign Unit, has managed to come up with a way to cover up the mistake I made when I sent those fake Michael Creek details to him/them, before showing them to him, er, the Foreign Unit, first.

Is anyone else getting confused by this?

I forgot to tell you that I didn't give the Foreign Unit my real age and address, as I don't want them to be able to find me after I get my share of the money. That was good thinking on my part, wasn't it?

Anyway, here are the false details that I sent to the Foreign Unit, just so that you know I'm not untrustworthy.

The address that I sent them was: 74 The Promenade, Bajor Territory.

And the age I told them I was is 47.

The bank details are really mine, however.

I hope this clears things up.

HEY, good news. Just as I was going to send this email I got another one from the Foreign Unit. It seems as though they could not find the Certificate of deposit, the will, and the affidavits of next of Kinship for Michael Creek. They want me to send them more information, so it looks like it doesn't matter that I made a mistake. We are very lucky today.

Let me know what to do next.

Best wishes,

Stu P. D. Bistard.

NOTE:

Since Joseph was beginning to suspect that I wasn't being straight with him, I sent him this message in which I tried to cover my tracks. It worked, and the 'game' continued.

From : Joseph Otumba < xxxx@yahoo.com>
To : Stuart Bistard <xxxx@hotmail.com

Subject : HIS GRACE IS SUFFICIENT FOR US.
Date : Thu, 18 Sep 2003 09:35:11 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Stu,

Thanks for urgent response, I appreciate it and still
Praying for god's grace and mercy towards this
Transaction.

Since you didn't give the foreign unit your real
Address, that decision was good but note that you will
Not mail the foreign unit not untill we get the
Requirements they want. Then you can send you real
Name because without your real name, we will not be
Able to collect the money from my bank.

The document which they requested for will be
provided. I will be responsible for the certificate of
Deposit and the will, because these are in our
Posession, but the affidavites of next of kin and
Letter of claim, that is the one we can not get for
You, you have to do that yourself as the next of kin
To the deaseades, you will need to get a Nigerian
Attorney whom will secure these document for you, and
You must not tell him about this transaction. All you
Need to disclose to him or her, is the document that
You want him or her to assist you with.

We have to make some changes in our bank computer here
So everything will reflect the way we want it to be.
And if you don't have any contact here in Nigeria
Contact me back so I will send someone to get an
Attorney contact on your behalf, so I will send the
Contact to you for you to deal with the attorney
Directly, because we can not get those document
For you, you are the only one who is entitled to
Secured the document as the next of kin.
So contact an attorney in Nigeria so he or she can
start work on it immediately.

Get back to me as soon as you received this e-mail so
we can conclude this transaction soonest.

Thanks and God bless.

Best regards,

Joseph.

NOTES:

Joseph seems convinced that I'm still oblivious to the fact that he's trying to scam me.

He is now getting closer to revealing the crux of his scam, as he is about to bring in 'his' lawyer. This is where the phoney documents that 'prove' the existence of Michael Creeks millions will be produced.

Although he gives me the 'option' of using my own Nigerian lawyer, he knows perfectly well that I won't actually have one.

We are very lucky that the deal can still continue, are we not? I think the Mages are still on our Techno side, and will continue to work their magic for us.

I will wait for your documents before I contact the Foreign Unit again.

As for having a Nigerian law-talking guy, that's what we call lawyers here, I don't have one. However, there is a law-talker in my town from Mozambique, his name is Klaatu Barada Nikto, will he be able to help? What about my own law-talking guy, Mr. Lionel Hutz, can I use him?

Let me know what I should do now.

May the principles of IDIC never let us down, as we continue with our venture.

Stu P. D. Bistard.

NOTES:

The game is back on so I can continue with my 'unusual' responses.

The first sentence has more Babylon 5 references. The TechnoMages are a race of beings that use advanced technology to create what appears to be genuine magic.

In the second paragraph I introduce the term 'law-talking guy', which is what the lawyer, Lionel Hutz, in the TV show The Simpsons, calls people who are lawyers. The name of the lawyer from Mozambique, Klaatu Barada Nikto, is actually a phrase from the science fiction movie The Day the Earth Stood Still. The alien in the film, Klaatu, tells an Earth girl to use it to stop the robot, Gort, from attacking.

The acronym IDIC comes from Star Trek and means Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations.

A Technomage

Lionel Hutz - Law-talker

From : Joseph Otumba < xxxx@yahoo.com>
To : Stuart Bistard < xxxx@hotmail.com>

Subject : WE GIVE HIM THANKS
Date : Fri, 19 Sep 2003 09:32:58 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Stu,

Thanks for your urgent reply, I appreciate it, I give
Glory to whom all glory is due and glad that we can
Still continue in this transaction.

As for the lawyer you know in Mozambique and your
Private lawyer, they both can't help in this matter
Because the certificate of the next of kin which the
Lawyer has to prepare for you has to go through the
Federal high court of justice in Nigeria and it is
Only a Nigerian lawyer that can do that for you.

I will like you to know that I have sent someone on
Your behalf to get a Nigerian lawyer for you just
In case you don't have a Nigerian lawyer who will
Assist you get the affidavites of next of kin and
Letter of claim but I am still yet to see him.

Please put this at the back of your mind that you must
Not discuss this issue with the lawyer, all you will
Have to tell him that you will like him/her to assist
You with the affidavites of next of kin and letter of
Claim and nothing more.

So get back to me assap so that I will send you the
contact of the lawyer if you haven't seen any.

God bless you

Best regards
Joseph.

NOTE:

What a surprise, I have to use his own 'lawyer"!

I received your subspace communication and I will comply. I am confident that the assimilation of Michael Creeks money will be completed soon, as resistance is futile.

As for the law-talking guy problem, I think you are right, I do need a Nigerian law-talker. I asked some people how fast the law-talker from Mozambique, Mr. Klaatu Barada Nikto, was at providing remmacs documentation, and they told me that he was as slow as a day on which the Earth stood still. I also think that Lionel Hutz is probably a bit too one dimensional to handle a real life deal like this.

Therefore, I will use the law-talking guy that you are arranging for me. Please send me his details as soon as you can.

May the Spectrum stay green, and the Angels of Cloudbase protect us.

Stu P. D Bistard.

NOTES:

The first paragraph uses more terms from Star Trek, such as, subspace communication, comply, assimilation, resistance is futile. The last three are to do with episodes dealing with the alien race called the Borg.

I again use the term law-talking guy from the Simpsons. This time I also get in most of the name of the film The Day the Earth Stood Still. The word 'remmacs' is actually 'scammer' spelt backwards. Saying that Lionel Hutz is 'one dimensional' refers to the fact that he is simply a cartoon character.

The last sentence contains references from the TV puppet show called Captain Scarlet. Spectrum is the organization he belongs to, the Angels are female fighter pilots based on a flying aircraft carrier called Cloudbase. To say 'Spectrum is Green' means that everything is ok.

From : Joseph Otumba <xxxx@yahoo.com>
To : Stuart Bistard <xxxx@hotmail.com>

Subject : The law talking guy.
Date : Mon, 22 Sep 2003 05:26:46 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Stu,

Thanks for your assistance may the almighty god see us
thorugh. I'm sorry for responding late, the person I
Sent to look for a law-talking guy on your behalf just
Came in not quite long, so I decided to send you an
e-mail concerning the contact of the law-talking guy
which he had secured for you.

The contact is name :Barrister Bankole Martins.
E-mail: xxxx@lawyer.com and his phone
Number is: 234-80-23526271.

Contact him today so that he can direct you on what to
do by tomorrow morning. Please remember the way I
directed you to him so we won't have any problem in
this transaction.

And make sure you send me a copy of his response to me.

Thanks and god bless.

Best regards,

Joseph.

NOTE:

Joseph has adopted my 'law-talking guy' phrase. I didn't expect that!

Dear Law-talker Bankole Martins,

I am contacting you to in order to ask that you help me with the next of kin affidavits and letter of claim, for my dearly departed brother, Engineer Michael Creek.

Please let me know if you are able to assist me in this matter.

P.S. Where I come from we use the name law-talker, instead of the name barrister. Could you please use this term, as well, as it will help me to remember who you are.

Regards,

Quark Creek.

BACK TO JOSEPH:

Hi Joseph,

I sent an email to Law-talker Bankole Martins, asking him to help me with Michael Creeks details. I will let you know what he has to say.

I am a bit angry at the moment, because I missed my appointment with the telephone installer. I now have to wait at least another week before they can come back and put my phone on. This is very annoying.

Do you get angry when these things happen?

Anyway, there's nothing I can do about it now.

I'll contact you when I get a reply from the Law-talking guy.

Regards,

Stu P. D. Bistard.

From : Joseph Otumba <xxxx@yahoo.com>
To : Stuart Bistard <xxxx@hotmail.com>

Subject : RE: your email.
Date : Tue, 23 Sep 2003 13:55:54 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Stu,

Thanks for your response, I appreciate your kind
effort towards this transaction, may God Almighty
Continue to bless you and increase in wealth amen.

I am happy that you have contacted the law-talking guy
in Nigeria here. You will have to wait for him to
Contact you, then we will know when he is going to
make those documents for you.

I am sorry that you missed the telephone installer,
you will have to take it the way it is till next week,
I know it is annoying cos but have to take it so.

As for your question, sure I get angry when these
things happen to me, in fact I will not take it easy
with myself.

All you have to do now is to contact me as soon as the
Law-talking guy gets back to you.

Best regards

Joseph.

From : Bankole Martins <xxxx@lawyer.com>
To : Stuart Bistard <xxxx@hotmail.com>

Subject : Provide the requirements.
Date : Tue, 23 Sep 2003 12:39:37 -0500

ATTN: Quark Creek.

Thanks for choosing my chamber to assist you in securing these documents you
have disclose in your mail to me, and I will do all my best to assist you to
secure these documents.

I will want you to provide me with the following.

1. Your full name and address...

2. Name of the deceased...

3. Name of your country...

4. Deceased address...

5. And how you are related to the deceased...

6. Your age and deceased age...

These are all you will provide for me to proceed immediately to the federal
capital territory in Abuja, to process the documents for you.

The documents will cost you US$800 while my legal fees is US$2,000, this must be
paid before I proceed. You can pay the US$800 for the documents first, and when
the document has been done and sent to you, I expect you to send down my legal
fees which I have disclosed above.

The reason you are paying half of the fee before I proceed is to retaine you as
my client, for this how I do to all the new clients I have had in the past
years.

The fund should be send by western union money transfer with name of my personal
assistant David Demola Shobowale with the address 15, Sunmonu Street Pen-Cinema
Agege Lagos Nigeria.

If this payment is made I can now proceed to the federal High court in Abuja to
get the documents done, contact me if this fees as been sent so I can proceed,
along with the control number and any important questions you filled in the form
you are going to be given by the bank. You can contact me on my phone number
234-80-235xxxx for more enlightment.

I look forward to your response.

Sincerely yours,
Law Talking Guy Bankole Martins (SAN)

NOTES:

This just gets more and more amusing. The lawyer has actually agreed to refer to himself as a law-talking guy! 

Actually, the lawyer has slipped up here, as I never used the term 'law-talking guy' in my message to him' - I only used the term 'law-talker'. It's stupid mistakes like this that highlight how bad these guys are at keeping their stories straight.

However, this early request for money has caught me off-guard, as these scammers usually wait until the deal is at a more crucial stage, before making such demands.

Oh well, it doesn't look like I'm going to be able to string this tale along much longer, but I'm not going to give up just yet.

I think we have a bit of a problem. Law-talking Guy Bankole Martins wants payment for his services before we start. In Australia, this is regarded as a bad sign, as the only Law-talkers who do that are not trustworthy. I think we need to find another Nigerian Law-talking Guy, as I don't trust this one.

Please advise me what to do now.

Regards,

Stu P. D. Bistard.

NOTE:

I waited a few days before getting back to Joseph, in order to make him sweat a little. Let's see what he has to say about this email.

From : Joseph Otumba <xxxx@yahoo.com>
To : Stuart Bistard <xxxx@hotmail.com>

Subject : SEND ME A COPY.
Date : Thu, 25 Sep 2003 12:03:22 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Stu,

Thanks for your mail, all you said concerning the Law
Talking guy are noted. I would want you to send me a
copy of what the Law-talking guy requested you to do,
I guess from there I will know what to advise you on.

Thanks and God bless.

Best regards
Joseph.

NOTE:

Hmm, didn't have much to say, did he?

Here's what Law-talking Guy Bankole Martins sent me. As you can see, he wants to be paid before he does any work. That is not the way a Law-talker should operate.

Regards,
Stu P. D. Bistard.

FROM: LAW TALKING GUY BANKOLE MARTINS.

Thanks for choosing my chamber to assist you in securing these documents you
have disclose in your mail to me, and I will do all my best to assist you to
secure these documents.

I will want you to provide me with the following.

1. Your full name and address...

2. Name of the deceased...

3. Name of your country...

4. Deceased address...

5. And how you are related to the deceased...

6. Your age and deceased age...

These are all you will provide for me to proceed immediately to the Federal
Capital Territory in Abuja, to process the documents for you.

The documents will cost you US$800 while my legal fees is US$2,000, this must be
paid before I proceed. You can pay the US$800 for the documents first, and when
the document has been done and sent to you, I expect you to send down my legal
fees which I have disclosed above.

The reason you are paying half of the fee before I proceed is to retaine you as
my client, for this how I do to all the new clients I have had in the past
years.

The fund should be send by western union money transfer with name of my personal
assistant David Demola Shobowale with the address 15, Sunmonu Street Pen-Cinema
Agege Lagos Nigeria.

If this payment is made I can now proceed to the federal High court in Abuja to
get the documents done, contact me if this fees as been sent so I can proceed,
along with the control number and any important questions you filled in the form
you are going to be given by the bank. You can contact me on my phone number
234-80-2352xxxx for more enlightment.

I look forward to your response.

Sincerely yours,
Law Talking Guy Bankole Martins (SAN)

From : Joseph Otumba <xxxx@yahoo.com>
To : Stuart Bistard <xxxx@hotmail.com>

Subject : THINK ABOUT IT
Date : Fri, 26 Sep 2003 13:23:49 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Stu,

Thanks for your mail, I have seen what the Law-talking
Guy Bankole Martins sent to you and I will like you to
know that all is noted.

I will like you to know that he is only assisting you
to get the affidavites of next of kin and letter of
Claim and you know that he has to be paid for the
Document he is going to do for you.

Well since the Law-talking guy is requisting for part
of the payment which is $800 first, I will advise you
to pay him that $800 so that he can prepare the
Documents for you and you know it is only you that has
the right to the affidavites of next of kin and letter
of claim since you are the next of kin.

I would have loved to get another law-talking guy for
You but I don't know if the other can be trusted, as
for Law-talker Bankole Martins is one of the best
Law-talking guys we have in Nigeria here and I suggest
you listen to him since he is only assisting you and I
Believe you can trust him.

My friend Stu, please don't let this be a stumping
block on our way that god almighty has given unto us,
Since he is not collect the fully payment now not
untill he has done the documents, then you can pay the
Remaining balance, the money he is collecting first is
for the documents and not for his legal fee.

These are the following he requested for.

Name of deceades: engr Micheal Creek

Deceadse address: 45, Royce Road off Adeola Odekun
Vitoria Island Lagos Nigeria.

How you are relate to the deaceased: tell the Law
talking guy that engr Micheal Creek is your half
Brother same mother but different fathers.

Age of the deceased is: 57.

You should try and fill the other question he required
so that we can conclude this transaction by next week.
If these document can be ready by next week, I will
send you the certificate of deposite and the will
Of the deceased when the lawyer finally sends the
Other document, so you can send it to the bank for the final
stage of this business.

I believe you should be free to send the US$800 to the
Law-talking guy Bankole Martins, as I have always told
you that any cent been spend will be refunded when the
US$20.2m arrives your nominated bank account

Try and think about it and let me know in your next
mail.

God bless you

Best regards
Joseph.

NOTE:

Damn, I was hoping he'd find me another less demanding 'lawyer'. I guess Joseph is testing me to see if I'm going to 'play ball'.

Well, if the game is going to end soon, I'm going to try and get myself some trophies.

If you say Law-talking Guy Bankole Martins can be trusted, then I will use him. However, I will need some official documentation of his request for any fees, as this will make me feel safer about dealing with him. As a result, I have sent him a message telling him what he must do before I will send him the $800.

I will get back to you as soon as he sends me the official letter.

Kind regards,

Stu P. D. Bistard.

NOTE:

The 'official' document will be my first trophy - if I can get him to produce one.

Dear Law-Talking Guy Bankole Martins,

Thanks for your reply.

Unfortunately, I didn't know you would be requiring payment in advance. In my country this is not the way a Law-talking Guy does things.

However, if you send me a scan of an official letter from you, with your request for the $800 fee on it, then I will be happy to pay that amount. To be acceptable, the letter must contain the following:

It must be on your company's official paper.

It must describe what the $800 fee is paying for.

It must be signed by you.

Please send me your letter as soon as possible, as this matter is very important.

Yours faithfully,

Quark Creek.

From : Joseph Otumba <xxxx@yahoo.com>
To : Stuart Bistard <xxxx@hotmail.com>

Subject : wait for him
Date : Sat, 27 Sep 2003 10:49:03 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Stu,

Thans for your mail, I appreciate it and thank god for
protecting you and I to see this day that he has made.

Since you said you have mailed the Law-talking Guy
Bankole Martins, I will advise you to want for him to
send you the official letter that you requested of.

Make sure when he gets back to you, let me know and
please try and pay him in time so that he can do the
documents for you immediately and then we can proceed
to my bank to claim the money.

Get back tome assap.

God bless you.

Best regards
Joseph.

Subject : Re: Letter required
Date : Sat, 27 Sep 2003 08:32:42 -0500

Dear Quark Creek.

I have gotten your request and I will like to assure you that I will send you
the letter of you paying $800 for the payment of affidavites of next of kin and
letter of claim with my company's name on it and my signature.

It will be send it to you by Monday unfailinly and please do note that $800 is
for the documents I will be preparing for you and not my legal fee which is
$2000.

I will include the $2000 at the botton of the letter that you will have to pay
me $2000 which is my legal fee after the documents have been done for you.

You will have to wait for me to send you the letter before you pay the fee.

It is nice knowing you as good friend.

Law-Talking Guy Bankole Martins (SAN).

NOTE:

Great, it looks like I'm going to get my trophy! And he's still using my Law-talking Guy title too - excellent!

From: Joseph Otumba <xxxx@yahoo.com>
To: Stuart Bistard <xxxx@hotmail.com>

Subject: has he contacted you?
Date: Mon, 29 Sep 2003 15:47:22 -0700 (PDT)

DEAR STU,

How are doing today? I will like to know if the
Law-talking guy has contacted you since you said he
will contact you on Monday.

If he has contact you, let me know what he says.

God bless you.

Regards
Joseph.

NOTE:

This message arrived on Tuesday, and was sent by Joseph at midnight Lagos time. I think he forgot to get the document made, and only realised it late at night.

No, the Law-talking Guy hasn't contacted me yet. The fact that he hasn't would seem to prove my point about him not being trustworthy.

I will send him an email about it, but if he doesn't give me a satisfactory answer, then you will have to find me another Law-talking Guy, as I won't want to continue using this one.

Anyway, I will let you know what he says.

Stu P. D. Bistard.

NOTE:

I thought I'd make him sweat a little, by pretending to be angry about not getting the document on time. Truth is, I was surprised he offered to send me one as quickly as he did, as I was sure he'd say he needed at least a couple of days.

Dear Law-talking Guy Bankole Martins,

I haven't received the document you promised. Why not?

If you are going to work for me, then you will need to be a lot quicker at getting back to me than this. If you aren't able to send me the required document within the next day, then I will have no choice but to find myself another Law-talking Guy.

Please get back to me urgently.

Regards,

Quark Creek.

From: Joseph Otumba <xxxx@yahoo.com>
To: Stuart Bistard <xxxx@hotmail.com>

Subject: Lets give him a chance.
Date: Tue, 30 Sep 2003 01:22:35 -0700 (PDT)

DEAR STU,

I got your mail and I really understand how you feel
about Law-talker Bankole Martins but lets give him the
chance till Friday, if he doesn't contacts you back, I
will send someone to go get another Law-talking Guy
for you.

But be aware that this Law-talking Guys are always
busy doing one thing or the other and I am very sure
he sould be working on your official letter that you
asked of him.

Get back to me when he contacts you.

Reagrds
Joseph.

Hi Joseph,

Sorry, but Friday is much too long to wait, especially since he said he would definitely send it on Monday.

I will only wait until Thursday, AUSTRALIA TIME. After that it will be too late and I won't use him as my Law-talker anymore.

Regards,

Stu P. D Bistard.

From: Joseph Otumba <xxxx@yahoo.com>
To: Stuart Bistard <xxxx@hotmail.com>

Subject: Re: Too long.
Date: Tue, 30 Sep 2003 12:35:47 -0700 (PDT)

DEAR STU,

I got your mail, if you say Friday is too long, there
is no problem, as you have said that you will wait for
him till Thursday, if he doesn't contact you before
then, I will send someone to get you another
Law-talking guy has you have requested.

Try and wait till Thursday, if when he contacts you,
let me know and if he doesn't, same too.

Reagrds

Joseph.

From: Bankole Martins <xxxx@lawyer.com>
To: Stuart Bistard <xxxx@hotmail.com>

Subject: See for yourself.
Date: Tue, 30 Sep 2003 13:34:43 -0500

Attachment: LETTEROFAWARENESS.jpg (75k)

Dear Quark creek,

I am sorry that the documents took me much time than I expected. I have to get
to Abuja, Federal High court for the documents because the Federal High has know
about it before I send it to you.

Below you will find the document attached.

NOTE:

That was quick!

It arrived the very next day - I guess the prospect of receiving $800 for producing it was a pretty powerful incentive. Note the rather un-lawyer-like subject line of the email. It sounds like he's pissed off!

Here's the 'document' he sent. What's great about it is that he even uses the Law-talking title on 'official' paperwork!

Hi Joseph,

I am happy to tell you that the Law-talking Guy has sent me the required document. Since I am now satisfied that he is trustworthy, I have decided to sent him the entire $2800.

However, the transfer of the $2800 is on hold at the moment, as I am not certain that you are being completely open and honest with me. Therefore, in order to prove that you have nothing to hide, I think that we should exchange new pictures of ourselves.

What I suggest is that you send me a picture of yourself holding a sign with my name on it, and I'll send you a picture of me holding a sign with your name on it.

I will write Joseph Otumba on my sign.

You will write Stu P. D Bistard on yours.

That way, we will know that both of the pictures are real.

As soon as we have swapped our pictures I will tell my bank to send the $2800 to the Law-talking Guy.

I am attaching a scan of the receipt I got from my bank for the money transfer. This is to prove to you that I am serious about getting this matter finished as soon possible. The reason I am sending it through my bank is because there are no Western Union offices nearby.

Note: the code number on the receipt is a Bendigo Bank code only. The bank will give me the necessary Western Union code numbers once I tell them to send the money.

Let me know when you are ready to swap pictures.

Have a great day.

Your business partner,
Stu P. D. Bistard.

NOTES:

I'm now trying to get him to pose for the 'dumbass' picture.

I have told him that I will send the entire $2800 as a way of 'blackmailing' him into getting the picture taken. I figure that the lure of all this easy money will be too much for him to resist, and that he won't think too carefully about what I am really up to.

I also sent him a phony bank receipt, that I created in my graphics program, as 'proof' that I was actually going to send him the money.

Let's see if he's going to fall for my charade.

Dear Law-talking Guy Bankole Martins,

Thank you for sending me the required document, it is most satisfactory. As a result, I have decided to send you the entire $2800 fee, as I am now confident that you are trustworthy and will do a good job.

I am sending you a scan of the bank receipt for the transfer of the $2800, which has to go through my bank, as there are no Western Union offices where I live.

At present, the transfer is on hold, as I need to confirm a few things with a friend of mine, who is helping me with this matter. As soon as I have sorted out everything with my friend, I will tell the bank to send you the money.

Regards,

Quark Creek.

NOTE:

This message was actually a ploy to convince Joseph that I really was serious about sending the $2800. But the funniest thing about this is that despite the fact that the 'lawyer' knows me as Quark Creek, he fails to question why my bank receipt is in the name of Stuart Bistard.

From: Joseph Otumba <xxxx@yahoo.com>
To: Stuart Bistard <xxxx@hotmail.com>

Subject: I AM CONFUSED HERE
Date: Wed, 1 Oct 2003 14:44:07 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Stu,

I am happy that the Law-talking Guy has contacted you
and also happy that you can trust him since he has
Sent you the document you asked of him. I am really
proud being a business partner with you.

I have been honest/ faithful to you completely, I
trust myself just as much as I have trust in you. I
Believe every word you say, I have sent you one of my
pretty long picture which was in white and black but I
Still don't understand why you want another one.

Nigeria is unlike Australia, things are not the way
you think they are here that is why I want to invest
My own part of the money in your country in the
Crocodile sick cloth you told me about. Getting
another picture is not the problem but its going to
Take me sometime to get it prepared and scanned.

Note that we are spending much time than we expected,
the more time we waste, the less our chances of
getting this money.

I will send you mine as soon as I get yours.

Regards

Joseph.

NOTES:

Joseph took longer than usual to reply to my email, and I thought I'd scared him off. But when this arrived, I knew he was reluctant to miss out on a possible gold mine. I guess my phoney receipt didn't look phoney after all. But he is still rather cautious, and has called my bluff by asking me to send my picture first. This was, of course, something I was prepared for.

So, I decided to keep pushing for my second 'trophy'.

By the way, did you notice that he is now keen on investing in Steve Irwin's crocodile skin business?

I am sorry that you are confused about my request for us to swap pictures. I will try and explain why I have done that.

Although it would be nice to trust everyone with words only, that is sadly not enough when it comes to matters of business. For a business deal to succeed, BOTH partners must be happy that the person they are dealing with is open and honest about everything. If your partner does not want you to even see his picture, then that is a very bad sign, and simply proves that he has something to hide. This is the reason why I have made my request. Also, don't forget that I couldn't open your original picture, so, while you have seen my picture, I have not seen yours.

If you want to end the deal because of a small thing like this, then that is your choice. However, I would like to see it through to the end, and I hope that you will too.

As a sign of good faith, and to prove that I have nothing to hide, I will send you my photo first, even though this is the second one of me that you have received.

The lady in the picture next to me is a workmate of mine, but she knows nothing about our deal. She just likes to be in every picture that gets taken at work. She's a bit silly sometimes, but she is a very nice lady.

Anyway, I hope that you will choose to continue with this great business deal of ours.

Let me know what you have decided to do, as soon as you can.

Stu P. D. Bistard.

NOTES:

I thought I'd better give him a genuine-sounding and 'honest' reason for wanting his picture, something which I think I achieved quite nicely.

Anyway, I sent him a 'photoshopped' image of Neil Armstrong's head (I used Neil's image when I sent Joseph a picture of 'me' at the start of this saga), superimposed onto a picture that I found on the Internet. The image was of a couple holding a sign, on which I was easily able to 'insert' the name Joseph Otumba. He obviously accepted the photo as genuine, as you will see from his next email to me.

I am only posting part of the picture I sent him, as I don't want anyone to 'borrow' the image for their own scam-baiting project - it's just too good to lose. ;-)

Neil sure has aged well.

From: Joseph Otumba <xxxx@yahoo.com>
To: Stuart Bistard <xxxx@hotmail.com>

Subject: SEE U SOON.
Date: Thu, 2 Oct 2003 00:19:12 -0700 (PDT)

DEAR STU,

Thanks for your mail and your picture too, its nice. I
really have trust in you as a business partner. I will
send you mine too.

I have no decision than to send it in order for you to
have trust in me.

See you soon.

Regards
Joseph.

NOTES:

Aww, he liked 'my' picture, ain't that sweet!

However, the good news is he's going to send me his picture!!!

Can it really be true?

Let's hope so!

I am very happy that you are going to send me your picture, as it will give me 100% trust in you.

Don't forget to use the same name as I use at the end of my e-mails, as that is how I always want to see my name.

Thanks for wanting to continue working with me.

Stu P. D. Bistard.

NOTE:

I' m still not sure that he will actually go through with the photo, but I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

From: Bankole Martins <xxxx@lawyer.com>
To: Stuart Bistard <xxxx@hotmail.com>

Subject: Re: Thank you.
Date: Fri, 03 Oct 2003 02:56:28 -0500

Dear Quark Creek,

Thanks for the trust you have in me as I will not let you down, I will make sure
I assist you with the documents which are the Affidavit of next of Kin and
Letter of Claim inorder for you to get your Late brother's fund out I am happy
that you got the document and you have decided to pay the entire money which is
$2,800.

When you are through confirming the few things with your friend, you can call me
on my private number 234-80-2352xxxx or e-mail me so that I can proceed with the
documents when the money has been paid.

Till then.

Regards
Law-Talker Bankole Martins

Dear Joseph,

My bank contacted me yesterday and wants to know when I am going to let them send the $2800. I had to tell them that I don't know, as I am waiting for some information from overseas.

When are you going to get back to me with your photo, so that I can tell the bank to send the money? Or have you decided that you do not want to continue with our deal?

Let me know what is happening, as soon as you can.

All the best,

Stu P. D. Bistard.

NOTES:

Since it had been nearly three days since Joseph had told me he was going to send me his picture, I was starting to get worried and so I sent him this message in order to hurry him up.

It didn't work, and I was seriously concerned that he had 'rumbled' me.

Since I didn't get a response to this message, I decided to get out the big guns and make him so angry that he would want to come after me, no matter what the 'dangers'. Hence, the rather nasty message that follows.

Since you haven't responded to my last email, I have cancelled my bank transfer to Law-talker Bankole Martins.

Although I am angry that I have obviously been wasting my time dealing with you, I guess I shouldn't be surprised that you have chickened out on completing our deal. It is now obvious that you aren't smart enough, or brave enough to handle such an important deal as this. Are all your countrymen as scared as you, or are you the only one?

If you ever get brave enough to carry on with our deal, then let me know, because I am still prepared to make it work. But, knowing you, I doubt that you're even man enough to reply to this email, let alone man enough to want to complete our deal.

Don't be a loser all your life, Joseph, play the game to win!

Your very disappointed partner,

Stu P. D. Bistard.

NOTE:

This message was definitely a 'do or die' effort. If he didn't respond, then it was all over, if he did, then I was fairly sure I'd get my 'prize' - that elusive 'dumbass' picture.

Let's see what happens!

Dear Law-talker Bankole Martins,

I regret to inform you that I won't be able to use your services, after all.

The friend who has been helping me has proven to be unreliable and useless. If he is able to sort himself out, then I will let you know, and we can continue doing business. However, I somehow doubt that he will get any better, so this may be the last time I talk to you.

Thanks for trying to assist me.

Regards,

Quark Creek.

NOTE:

I thought I'd ram the point home, about me wanting to end the deal, even more by sending this message to the 'lawyer'.