Girly Show

A Memorial for Junior
This is a SATIRE!

It was a quiet morning in a certain studio's Art & Research and Cover UP the Writers' Mistakes with OUR gorgeous designs Depot. From a VERY very very large fish tank in the corner bubbles were rising as a certain alien Queen (see MMM the second in this series) napped on a full belly of sashimi and happily crooned and burbled. "Is she asleep now?" "Okay we can play the Changethings tape without upsetting her." "Yeah and she hasnt even seen the ending yet!" "We dont want a repeat of what happened when she found out about Numa's Informant! (Group Shudder) a week of moaning and crying and sobbing and the fish tank made a great resonator for filling the room with eerie sonic SFX!" (For Numa's Informant ook up any decent Roman mythology book) One ear fin spread ever so slightly and one bronze red eye opened just a sliver and focused on a tv screen as staff dissected a certain episode's SFX. The final scene rolled to the credits and if anyone had been watching the fishtank they would have seen shudders of horror grief and sorrow. Goldie unlike the majority of her species is a kind caring and sensitive creature unlike say sNirtry or Asepia or I'm new at being a system lord or ... well. However audible screams of horror and rage were coming from a certain trailer in another area of the studio.

Amazing Gracious had just lost her usual cool calm collected elegant but well humored approach to the testerone poisoning on set and in the head office. It had just been vented to the four winds and further upwards to the stratosphere and beyond and yonder possibly at speeds hitting the light barrier and generating tachyons. Why? She had just received the script she had waited so long to direct at the same time as she received notes back on a story line submission she'd made months ago or was it years? "Space Disgrace?!" she shrieked, "it's that or an alternative of a script in which I send most of episode effected by a wierd alien substance and once again try to sexually assault Jackass and ... and ... AAARgh I'm going to set up an all-girl production company when this show is finished. AAArgh If only I could get the boys off the set for a whole day and film an episode without them ... an episode of intelligent thoughtful sf plus action but feeling and character and drama and NO #@#$%% exploding spaceships or dead boyfriends##%^&*!!!" Several minutes of heartfelt expression and screaming followed until Amazing remembered something and stepped outside her trailer and screamed to the heavens one word, one name, "SASSY!!!"

Sassy was already on site - in place - lurking in-situ - ready for action - under the table in the writers' room listening to Pugkept who was listening to a spy reporting by speaker phone and laughing. "So Amazing's got my message! HEHEHE! No weepy girly stuff on this show! Snicker! Did she really think I'ld do a story providing an emotional resolution to the Black Widow problem or dealing intelligently with the conflict between her character being a compassionate woman and a professional soldier! Nyaaah!"

Vietorius frowned. The rest of the staff shuddered at this fearsome sight except Pugkept.
"Pugkept" asked the Imperator,"what if the fans protest again?"
"Nyaaaah how could they - the majority of them are ex-soapie fans arent they? and besides I have them brainwashed!"
"How?" asked Vietorius. Pugkept pulled a vial full of purple stuff out of his pocket and waved it triumphantly. "Remember my appearance as Lord BAAL last year.?"
"Yeah" muttered someone who seemed to be close to the floor, "it was memorable! Such interesting taste! Wearing the costume of a villian from your show! Wow you actually stunned people in silence ... they were so impressed!!!" (A very merciful silence about that costume wasnt it?)
Pugkept explained "I dumped a vial full of this into the hotel's airconditioning system and into ours every time a fan visits the studio. They all leave adoring me!!!"
"So that's why otherwise intelligent women could continually croon So and so is such a nice boy on the net!" remarked a certain someone. "Pugkept what about the Danielites and the Anti-shippers!? Remember them? That minority of clear headed cynical older fans who both watch and read science fiction. They seem to be immune to purple stuff?"
"Oh them! Who listens to them? Besides what can they do? The Daniel Wars ended with you know who becoming a Recycled Deity. No more transdimensional portals! (Boy is he wrong!!!) Who's going to help them?"
"What about Sassy?" asked a voice from somewhere in the room?
"WHO??? Oh a figment of some frustrated chick's over active imagination? Talking sentient dachsies hahahah!"
"Fictional characters can be very powerful and effective in aiding social change!" answered someone who then processed to walk out from under the table and trot out of the room seen by everybody BUT Pugkept who had his back to the door. Someone with short magnificently curved forelegs ribcage and tail, long silky red fur, diamond shaped forefeet and a lotta attitude and her very own transdimensional portal. Vietorius smiled grimly as Sassy exited and went back to work on the REAL script for Amazing's first go at directing, a task it was safe to focus on, as he had already confiscated Daimonic's entire collection of Voyager videos, and marked nearly every page of the first draft of "Space Disgrace" with the BIIIG NO NO NO you've got to be kidding! stamp". Daimonic was currently standing in the corner writing out "I must not recycle ST scripts!" hundred times and by hand too on a PAPER pad so he couldnt use Cut and Paste and Control V. Pugkept just kept on babbling since his co-worker the Other M-boy was busy revising first drafts. Yes doing all the work while Pugkept babbled when not lurking in forums. Hasnt anyone wondered why one of them gets most of the media attention yet finds time to work as a producer? Girl's gotta wonder who actually does the writing work? And if someone's not being neglected or exploited or is simply cunning enough to keep a lower profile?

Meanwhile over in Amazing's trailers some heavy duty plotting was going on. "So that's how he's been doing it! I wondered why Neith's and other people Lets support Amazing campaigns kept fading out. The @@#$%^&*!!! What can we do Sassy?" Sassy looked up from a bowl of chocolate milk and licked her lips. "MMM I have it - give him a taste of his own medicine!" "Yes but where will we get a hold of some purple stuff! I sure dont need it!" "Well I heard this rumor about a black market in Tretonin amongst the Stunt dudes and as for Purple stuff there's this rumor about certain male cast members buuut I have a more ironic solution. Goldie! She can exhale it directly! " "Er Sassy how are we going to get Goldie from the Art depot to the Writer's room without anyone noticing and dobbling us in to the guys! Granted she's not that heavy to carry but a bright golden red scaled alien dragonoid EVEN in this studio might be noticeable!?" "We stage a great escape!!!" snapped Sassy.

Some time later and one tranAscendent maternal SFX carrying someone outdoors ... from outside a certain office comes a cry of "Hey my skateboard's missing!" and from inside a shout of "Hey where's Goldie!? AAA she's been G-napped! EEEK !!!" And somewhere nearby Sassy was giving Goldie Skateboard 100-1 lessons. "Look you have a tail to push with and a mouth with four digits attached! Use it for braking or steering! It's easy! NO you willnt get scale rash or tear your fins! You can do it! For Junior!!!"

Boys and Girls Ladies and Gentlefolk and any lurking Goullawks! Remember those old style musical farces with people running back and forth or those pantomimes in which you see heroes and villians crossing the stage in either direction without seeing eeach other or those cardboard pullout slide toys? On one side we have a line of artists and researchers and designers holding plates of sashimi calling out "Here Goldie! Here Girl! Come home!" From another direction a search party screaming "The Gouallawk is loose! Get the Goullawk!" (cos if she finds out about all those Goullawk larvae in stasis in the props dept - oh we're leaving that for another story!!!) Somewhere in the middle is one little Queen sliding back and forth as people with intentions of both help and hindrance kick push and pull her skateboard! What next???

Boys and Girls familiar with Peter Pan?
Do you believe a Goullawk can fly?
Repeat after me... yes now
I believe a goullawk can and should fly!
Go Goldie Go! Go Goldie Go!!!
Go Goldie Go! Go Goldie Go!!!
Go Goldie Go! Go Goldie Go!!!

The Laws of Physics caused momentum to form and velocity to increase. Goldie hurtled towards the doors that lead to other doors to other doors mysteriously and with dramatic convencience ALL open !!! A figure saw her speeding towards her gaol and stepped forward. Tall dark when he has a ski tan and handsome most of the time even when snarling the Supreme Imperator lifted one foot ... dramatic pause for dread ... only to wink at Goldie and with excellent timing place his feet down on the end of the skate board with a manner that propelled Goldie flying through the air like a reddish gold blur! Though it also helped that Sassy had gone ahead and asked anyone in hte way "Excuse please you will open all these doors and don these gas masks Ja?" Pugkept and others were clustered in the writing room waiting to hear if Goldie had been captured. Faberius and Vietorius standing by the doors smiled strangely. Just before they donned their gas masks and left the room. The last conscious thought Pugkept had for several hours was "Wow what a great Close Up SFX ! I didnt know Goullawk could smile!!!" We apologize to all fans of ALIEN but well imagine a producer with a goullawk attached to his face by all four digits!!! The marks faded eventually! Goldie begun venting purple stuff. As the room filled with vapors the Senior Caesars locked the door placing a DO NOT DISTURB notice on it. "Well now we can go show Amazing the REAL script for her directioral debut and have a happy ending!" they remarked to each other ignoring the screams from within the room of "Those Eyes ! Those Eyes! ... Gosh they're sooo lovely! Please please please what can we do to please you?"

A couple of hours later a certain tall dark and handsome with a ski tan figure returned an exhausted but happily burbling Queen to her fishtank gently lowering her and affectionately tossing her bunny rug over the top. "That lil lady has had a very busy day but our Amazing is happy again". As for certain producers and writers the next day they were seen in a dazed state wandering around the studio asking "What can we do for you ? We are nice! We are so nice! Niiice nice boys!!! Can we give you toys! Really nice boys! Wanna a script done? Oh yeah tell Props to turn off that Tretonin making machine and build a fishtank for the kids and heat up Junior's stasis tank! We are such nice boys! Really truly lovely n i i i ce boys! What can we do for you'll?" Fortunately they were captured and zapped before the tally of favors and scripts blew out the entire budget for the rest of the season. Unfortunately certain people had their favors granted on signed legally binding documents!!!

THE END and maybe even the end of the series? Though I can always do another one? Specially if Amazing doesnt get a good script to direct or her wish granted to have certain plot threads resolve? And bring back Junior! We are going to have a really good season seven ... aren't we boys??? Please???