I have that "Dunlop" disease

My belly
dunlopped over my belt....

A man was ordered by his doctor to lose 75 pounds due to very serious
 health risks. As he wondered how the heck he would ever do it, he comes
 across an ad for a "Guaranteed Weight Loss Program."
 "Guaranteed my foot" he thought to himself, but desperate, he called
 them up and subscribed to the 3 day-10 lb. weight loss program. The next
 day there is a knock at his door and when he answers, there stands before
 him a voluptuous, athletic, beautiful 19 year old babe dressed in nothing
 but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck.
She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The
 sign reads, "if you can catch me, you can have me!" Without a second
 thought he takes off after her. A few miles later, huffing and puffing, he
 finally catches her and has his way with her. After they are through she
 leaves, he thinks to himself "I like the way this company does business."
 The same girl shows up for the next two days and the same thing happens.
 On the fourth day he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost
 the 10 lbs. as promised.

 He calls the company and orders from them their 5 day-20 lb. program. As
 expected, the next day there's a knock at the door, there stands the most
 stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life, wearing
 nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads,
 "If you catch me, you can have me." He's out the door after her like a
 shot.  This woman is in excellent shape and it takes him a while to catch
 her, but when he does, it is worth every cramp and wheeze. She is by far
 the best he has ever had. For the next 5 days, the same routine happens
 and much to his delight, on the 6th day he weighs himself and found he has
 lost another 20 lbs.  as promised.
 He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7day-50 lb.
 program. "Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone, "This is
 our most rigorous program." "Absolutely, he replies. "I haven't felt this
 good in years."

 The next day there's a knock at the door and when he opens it he finds
 Richard Simmons standing there wearing nothing but pink racing spikes and
 a sign around his neck that reads, "If I catch you, I can have you.