A while back, I was talking to someone either before or during class (probably before, since I sleep IN classes) and they mentioned to me that they had gotten up early that morning to eat breakfast. I had the same response that most of you had: "What's breakfast?"
Apparently, there is this entire meal that people eat first thing in the morning called "breakfast." The word breakfast is reportedly derived from the words break and fast, meaning that people break the fast that they have been having since last time they ate. What kind of an obvious statement is that? Every time you eat you are breaking the fast since last time you ate. Every word I hear about this rumored meal gets more and more ridiculous. Am I supposed to believe it?
Also, I hear that there are certain foods that are customarily eaten at breakfast. There are waffles and toast, which all people know are used in reality for dessert and garlic topping before meals, in that order. There is also apparently some kind of imported toast from France that you put syrup on. Those wacky French people, when will they learn that syrup is for pancakes. Pancakes are also reported to be served at breakfast, but I've eaten them for many different meals at IHOP, so that one could be a lie as well.
They also apparently eat lots and lots of eggs and bacon for breakfast. According to some sources there are many ways to prepare eggs. You can make them "over-easy," which I guess means flipping them over. You can "scramble" them, which probably means electrocute, like when you scramble somebody's brains. The easiest of these is to poach them, since poaching is basically just stealing eggs. Even I can steal.
There is one good thing that happens at this breakfast thing, though. They eat cereal. Holy lord, cereal is good. Especially the ones with all the marshmallows in it. Lucky Charms are totally da bomb, and I don't use that expression very often. These cereals apparently get milk poured on them. Now, normally I eat cereal as a snack food, but in all my days this milk thing has not occurred to me. It sounds like a great combination.
This also explains all of those adds on television that say "part of a balanced breakfast." I guess they wouldn't use that term. And that stuff that they serve at McDonald's before 10:30 am. That is some good stuff. Why didn't someone tell me that they called it breakfast. If it's all as good as the grease-flooded stuff they serve at McDonald's I may try this breakfast thing tomorrow.
Wait, I've just been informed that you need to be awake before noon to eat "breakfast." I should've written an article on midnight snacks...
--Scuba Steve, December 8, 2000