Yes, I haven’t posted in about 5 days. There are two reasons for this. Firstly, I was at my real home, far from my computer with my other love, my woman. Secondly, nothing interesting has happened to me since the weekend before last. Well, nothing I want to write about right now. Anyway, last night I was trying to think up something to add to this site, and I decided that it must be Clue related. "Clue," you ask, "a board game?" No you idiots! I am talking about Clue the movie, starring the worlds greatest actor, Tim Curry.

After much deliberation, by which I mean I watched the intro, I decided that the only media that Clue had yet to be introduced to that it truly needed to be part of was, of course, a drinking game. It was an easy enough transition, but afterwards I realized that I didn’t drink. So if anybody tests this game out, I would be most appreciative for a description of how well it works. If not, no biggie, I know people that have volunteered to get wasted with it. But if you are going to try this sucker out, be forewarned, you will be so incredibly piss drunk afterwards you probably won’t be able to walk.

I have considered reviewing the movie in this page as well, and then just putting a link to the drinking game, but upon closer consideration of my mood, I am far too lazy right now, so I am just going to put the game right here. Enjoy!

Take 1 Drink Whenever:

-A new character is introduced
-Someone is killed
-Anyone mentions Washington
-Mr. Green is bossed around
-Mrs. Peacock is severely frightened (use your own judgment on this one, folks)
-Wadsworth has a visual aid for whatever he is talking about
-Someone fires the revolver
-Someone asks for a drink
-Ominous music plays for little or no reason

Take 2 Drinks Whenever:

-Professor Plum tries to score
-Colonel Mustard tries to score
-Mr. Green is obviously gay
-Miss Scarlet or Mrs. White makes a penis joke
-Yvette screams
-Mr. Body has more than 3 lines in one scene
-Wadsworth slaps, pushes, or otherwise attacks someone
-Mr. Green says "I'm innocent."
-Too many people squeeze through a narrow passage or door
-Mr. Green catches a falling person
-Someone removes an article of clothing (this is hard to notice sometimes, if you are still sober enough, watch closely)
-Anybody breaks a glass

Take 3 Drinks Whenever:

-A line is repeated exactly
-A chandelier almost hits Colonel Mustard
-Someone insults the UN
-Lightning crashes at just the right time
-Someone is actually shot
-Everyone does exactly what Wadsworth says
-A car breaks down
-Someone breaks furniture
-Anyone sings a song

Take 4 Drinks Whenever:

-All the main characters run through the hall at once
-Anybody says, "Communism was just a red herring."
-Someone is assumed dead but really isn't
-Someone slaps Mrs. Peacock
-Anybody breaks down and cries
-There is an alternate ending
-Wadsworth takes a shower
-The lines "To make a long story short" and "Too late" are uttered

That’s all I came up with. If you don’t have alcohol poisoning by this point, try playing a game of Clue, its great, because it is the only game where you can be the villain and not even know it.

DISCLAIMER: Scuba Steve and SSVITU are in no way responsible for your alcohol poisoning or binge drinking caused by the Clue drinking game.

--Scuba Steve, November 7, 2000