As the writer/editor of the website to end all other websites, I have tried in my writings to incorporate everything that is cool on the internet, thus exposing you, the reader, to all the parts of the internet, good and bad. I've got html, bad reviews citing my opinions about literally everything in the known universe, and even my bad bad cop off of SA's Awful link of the Day. But a while ago I realized I was neglecting a large aspect of what is incredibly horrible about the internet: fan fiction.
Apparently, fans who really love tv shows or movies decide that, no matter how much they like the show, the writers are apparently idiots who don't know how to write scripts for their own characters. To remedy this, these people get really bad html editors and write out what is called "fan fiction," where the fans write their own scripts to their favorite shows. To throw gasoline on this proverbial fire, these people always love the worst shows on television. For example, I just searched Yahoo! for "fan fiction" and among the numerous "general" fan fiction sites that have multiple shows, I see sites dedicated to SWAT Kats fan fiction, Stargate SG-1 fan fiction, M*A*S*H fan fiction, and even Daria fan fiction. Having not read any of these, and very much not wanting to, I can judge that just reading one would roughly cause my brain to explode. But the pinnacle of fan fiction, is what's known as the crossover. Basically, this combines two of the writers favorite shows into one, sort of like when Jay Sherman from "The Critic" appeared in that one episode of the Simpsons, except if the writing was horrible and there were no jokes.
Anyway, for this article, I've taken the liberty of writing quasi-crossover style Dragonball Z fan fiction, where the main characters of Dragonball Z are placed in situations resembling the situations on other television shows that I watch with some regularity. Just to save myself the time consuming process of writing half hour long episodes, I have used the "same amount of things happed as in an average episode of DBZ" theory, which is completely justified, since it is DBZ fan fixtion. So let the hilarity ensue, as you read my awesome DBZ crossover fan fictions:
Announcer: Last time on South Park Z. Gokou, Kuillin, Piccolo, and Vegeta began training for the first round of the tournament to see who gets to fight the giant robotic Barbara Streisand on the distand planet Namek, when, -WHATS THIS- Kuillin is inadvertantly (yeah, thats it, inadvertantly) hit with one of Vegeta's large energy blasts. But whats this? Who is hte mysterious force that is approaching? Is it friend or foe? Find out today on South Park Z.
Piccolo: Oh my god, you've killed Kuillin!
Gokou: You Bastard!
Vegeta: Screw you guys, I'm going home!
Gokou: But Vegeta, we all need to work together to destroy the Giant Robot Barbara Streisand.
Vegeta: AH ah ah ah... Screw you, home.
Piccolo: Fine you assraping piece of monkey shit, GO HOME!
Vegeta: Don't make me kick you square in the nuts!
Announcer: It seems like things have really heated up here on South Park Z. But what will happen to Kuillin's disembowled corpse? Will Vegeta really kick Piccolo square in the nuts? Do Nameks have nuts? Is Mr Garrison gay? What about the unmentioned serious force of power that is approaching? Find out next time, on South Park Z!
Announcer: Last time, on Scooby Doo Z, Tien suggested that the gang split up, so no surprise, Gokou and Kuillin ended up in the kitchen! After eating large sanwiches, Gokou and Kuillin found A KOOKY GHOST! There was a hilarious chase scene, with music from Davey Jones' solo album, and then Bulma had a plan to trap the kooky ghost! But will their plan succeed? Why is Kuillin the dog? Is it because he's a loser? Probably! Will Gokou ever eat enough food to be full? Who is the kooky ghost? Find out today, on Scooby Doo Z!
Gokou: Zoinks! We caught the kooky ghost you guys!
Kuillin: Yeah, the ghost!
Tien: Shut up you idiot.
Yohcha: Let's see who you really are! (Pulls off mask)
Master Roshi: Rats! I would've gotten away with it if it weren't for you martial artists! And that lame bald guy!
Kuillin: Rooby Rooby Roo!
Everyone: Shut up Kuillin no one likes you.
Announcer: It looks like Master Roshi was the kooky ghost all along! But whats this? Do they have to fight to the death now? Why didn't Gokou eat anythign in this episode? Did the writers forget that he needs food constantly? When will the gang stop hanging out with that loser Kuillin? Find out next time, on Scooby Doo Z!
Announcer: Last time, on Star Trek Z, Klingons attacked the Enterprise, thereby starting a war with the Federation! Captain Kuillin orders a red alert but Gokou is busy training in 600 times the natural gravity of Earth and Vegeta is ranting wildly about how he desperately needs to become more powerful than Gokou. Tien meanwhile, went blind and now needs to wear a stupid visor over all three of his eyes. But what will happen when the Federation goes to war? Will Vegeta ever become more powerful than Gokou? Why didn't I make Kuillin be the real stupidest character on this show, Wesley Crusher? Find out today on Star Trek Z!
Kuillin: Captain's Log, Stardate 69.69.6.9. The Klingons are out there, doing that thing that Klingons do so well, and meanwhile My crew are a bunch of morons who totally despise me because I'm the most worthless character ever created.
Kuillin: Plot a course for someplace where soem strange alien virus can infect our ship. Engage!
Piccolo: That is highly illogical. You idiot!
Gokou: Hey guys, guess what, I've reached the level of Super Saiyin 36!!
Tien: Wow, so exciting.
Kuillin: Gokou, none of us give a shit.
Piccolo: Really. When you became a Super Saiyin, it was cool, and then Super Saiyin 2 was impressive, but then it just got repetitive, Gokou.
Vegeta: Yeah really Cacarot, you're a one trick pony. Learn a new move for cryin out loud!
Kuillin: Oh no, I'm being eaten by tribbles!
Announcer: Next time on Star Trek Z! The ship has a problem that they could've avoided if they would've just minded their own business! But what about Gokou's feelings being hurt by everyone lack of concern for this week's new ultimate power? Will Vegeta ever become even stronger? Does anyone care that Kuillin is being eaten by tribbles? Fiond out next time on Star Trek Z!
Next time on Scuba Steve's Venture into the Unknown! Scuba rants on an on for paragraphs in a useless attemp to entertain people who mistakenly stumble onto his website! But what about his writing staff? Will any of them ever write again? Will any of Scuba's articles ever have a point? Find out next time, on Scuba Steve's Venture into the Unknown!
--Scuba Steve, October 15, 2001