No, this is not a scene from Clash of the Titans.
Jerry Springer. The very words are known to inspire fear in decent folk, and make the rednecked trailer trash of the world shut up respectfully. Sadly, recent rumors have surfaced that the show that shows us just how pathetic the people of the world can actually be, is in reality scripted. As a student, if you will, of exactly how stupid people can be (don't laugh, that's why you read my website), I jumped at the opportunity to submit my own ideas to an already popular meduim. With that in mind I present to you these exclusive SSVITU script ideas for the Jerry Springer Show. Incidentally, if a writer for the show reads this and wants to use one of my ideas, I don't really want money, just a trip to see my episode filmed live. And maybe a free tape for bragging rights.
Jonny the trailer trash man in a wife beater t-shirt has found out that his brother has been having hot country bumpkin sex with his mother, who previously only loves Jonny. The mother and brother come out, in that order, spewing nonsense like most people on Springer do. Then the father cones out, and is angry because he was betrayed. Yup, you guessed it, the father had been sleeping with the brother.
Brian, the fag, has been with another gay guy, for the sake of the story we'll call him Dave, for about 8 months. Strangely enough though, a month ago Brian decided to get a sex change and become a woman. Now, he is a lesbian and is currently with a fat bitch named Linda. They come on, and Brian informs Dave that he is a woman now. He brings out Linda and in true Springer style, they kiss. Dave looks betrayed for a moment, but only for a moment. It turns out that Dave and Linda have bothe become straight and have been seeing each other behind Brian's back.
Jimmy the playa has been going out with this girl named Jeanine for about 6 months. One day while Jeanine was out of town for the weekend Jimmy went over to Jeanine's place and had some hot loving with Jeanine's 15 year old sister. Jeanine is disgusted, and dumps Jimmy, but he just hooks up with the 15 year old sister anyway. That's alright, because Jeanine has been sleeping with Jimmy's 53 year old dad. Touche! If his dad marries Jeanine and Jimmy Marries the sister, he would be his own uncle!
Girlfriends of a number of prison inmates come on the show to address a problem that they all have with their men: it seems that they just cannot tolerate the anal sex practices that their boyfriends had learned in prison. The prison inmates have no idea they had a problem. Hopefully this idea turns out funnier than it is just plain disgusting.
Barry, who has, oh, let's say, 6 wives, has been accused of renting out his trailer trash wives to other men for sex, in exchange for money. None of the girls have a problem with it (hell, it's better than sleeping with Barry all the time), and Barry claims that he doesn't really ho them out, just lets other men sleep with them for money. He claims that it's completely up to the women, and also completely legal. Mormon pimps all the way.
It's a traditional Springer KKK show, where a number of KKK members show off their babies, wies, weddings, et cetera. One such member declares that he is in love with a barnyard sheep. Other members even seem disgusted by this, until it is identified that it is a white sheep, not a black sheep.
Fred has discovered that his new wife of 2 months is actualy a porn star, and wants to confront her. She comes out and turns out to be one of those crazy japscat chicks. They divorce, because that is just nasty.(writer's note: This isn't really a serious idea, I just had a bet with myself that I couldn't fit the word "japscat" into a post without somehow posting porn, which I do not even look at.)
Well, they bring me out, and....
Nah, that's just too far fetched.
--Scuba Steve, February 1, 2001