Midnight Hackysack


Recently I as an individual have been at college, so I haven't been able to get into the normal program of sports and exercise that I normally use to keep in shape. If you know me, you know that that last sentence is a huge lie. I am the worlds least athletic human being, unless you count that 3000 pound man from Jerry Springer as a human being, but recently even I have taken up a sport. Quite possibly the most effortless sport ever invented. yes sports fans, I took up hackysack.

For those of you who have been in an isolation booth since about 1965, hackysack is a game where people stand around and kick a small bag of pellets or something around without letting it touch the ground. It was invented by hippies in the sixties, and was one of the 3 good contributions the hippies ever made to society.


In case you were wondering, those 3 contributions were:

1) Hackysack: the worlds most effortless "sport"
2) Weed: a gateway drug that is pretty much the standard drug in use today. most people dont consider it "good," per se, but without it we would never have half of the music or television shows that we have today, let alone some of the writing.
3) the Volkswagen minibus: the coolest vehicle ever made. by far.

The only reason hippies became unpopular was because of the fact that they absolutely refused to bathe or shower, and thus, could not attract hippies of the opposite sex, eventually forcing their species to near extinction.

But this isn’t about hippies...


Anyway, hackysack was introduced to me by two people who have requested that I refer to them as a rebel and a virgin for life (note: they requested this while high). They started playing late one night while they were really high, and eventually called me to join them. Or something

We have been hacking for about a week now, and I absolutely suck balls, as does the "rebel" whom I referred to earlier, but the "virgin for life" can hack more himself than the rebel and I together. My suckiness in particular overshadows the suckiness of all other people who suck at hackysack

The most interesting hackysack experience I've ever had thus far, was midnight hackysack, an excursion that the three of us made to the outside (we left our rooms and went outside, a horrid experience in itself) one Friday night and began playing hackysack, coincidentally enough at midnight.

It began like any other game of hackysack, but it became very interesting when we realized that on a college campus late on a Friday night the number of drunk people increases a hundredfold. there were drunks coming out of the woodwork, and most of them decided that they wanted to play hackysack with us. Interesting, to say the least.

As we played, there seemed to be a party outside, with no organization whatsoever, because there was a car blaring rap music and two dozen people just standing around. I heard more rap during that game of hackysack than I have in the rest of my whole life. It wasn’t even good rap, it was bad rappers covering good rappers songs, to bad beats.

However, hackysack itself is an enjoyable experience, and that is the point of this story, even though I failed miserably to prove it. I never said I was any good at this. Anyway, try hackysack. You’ll enjoy it. And if you don’t, try another hippie product, like weed.

--Scuba Steve, October 30, 2000


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