Ah, I'll use walmart to begin this article, because aything with Walmart in it can't be bad. Or at least not that bad. Ah yes, imagine yourself at Walmart. You see the sights - people buying things they don't need, stock boys trying to not do any work, children making their parents buy them toys that they won't play with. The smells - the food court, the gardening section, some of the people who shop there. But most importantly, for the sake of this article, the sounds.
As you listen to the music playing in Walmart, you may realize that it may sound like a bad band playing a bad song, but it is actually that song by that band played more slowly and uninterestingly. For example, you may think at first you are hearing, oh, say, With Arms Wide Open by Creed or Crash by the Dave Matthews Band, but really someone had attempted to make these songs even less interesting. "So what?" you say "This way I dont have to listen to Creed. I like it." A good point, but at the moment the only reason I used them as an example is to introduce you to Muzak.
Now, before you get all excited and start saying, "I like Muzak because it means I don't have to listen to Dave Matthews sing," let me inform you to a very very small degree about it. First off, according to my Intro to Music class, Muzak was originally an insult between musicians. Like for example, if I was in a band, I would tell nsync, "Boy, that's some great Muzak you're playing," and not being musicians they wouldn't understand that I was totally insulting them.
One day someone, I assume a dentist, decided to play Muzak in his office, and it caught on. Today you hear Muzak in offices, elevators, and even Enya concerts.
Recently, and I say recently because I heard about it yesterday, Muzak has made some steps into the new millenium. No, they haven't started replacing boy bands, although I wish that was the case. Muzak has gone ethnic. Get ready for...
Also known as Heavy Shtetl or Klezmer, two terms that I can't pronounce so I will be calling it Jewzak, Jewzak is Jewish Muzak. Let's take that apart a bit. Jewish music played in the style of Muzak. Now, I never quite understood how ethnically Jewish music lasted until present day, but of all genre's to cross it with to promote it, they selected Muzak. Now, I know how many Muzak CD's I own, and it's zero. Using Muzak to make a style of music more tolerable by people is just ineffective, especially when you consider that Muzak is not made to be listened to specifically, it is made to be background music.
Ah, I know there are very few Jewish readers of this site, and all you non-Jews are thinking, "Ah, silly Jewish people" because you stereotype people like that. But before you laugh too hard, you should know about the other evolution of Muzak that will embarass anyone who believes in Jesus almost as much as the Crusades....
Yes, Jezak is the term for Christian Muzak. Oh boy.... I am a Christian--a Catholic even--and yet I would feel better not admitting that there is such a thing as Jezak. I personally have never heard such music, and I would challenge you all to find me some, but there's actually a good chance that Dave owns a Jezak CD and then I would be forced to listen to it.
My take on the branching out of Muzak? I say go for it. If Jewzak is playing in Walmart that means I'm not listening to a Muzak cover of Bawitdaba by Kid Rock.
--Scuba Steve, January 24, 2001
PS, I came across this site while looking for the above picture of Jesus or God or whomever I put about the word "Jezak" and I came to this site. This is seriously like the funniest thing I've seen all day.