Yeah, this article wasn't planned, but this is so frickin funny that I couldn't not write about it. As I write this right now, in fact, whenever I write, I usually have the television or some other method of distraction of myself, because if all I did was write stuff it would probably end up much more rushed and less interesting.
Anyway, the TV was on and Cartoon Network's Toonami, the only outlet I can find for my Japanese Anime addiction came on at 4 o'clock. The first show was Sailor Moon. Yes, I guess technically I watched Sailor Moon. Laugh at me.... okay good, now be ready to laugh more.
For those of you who have never seen it, Sailor Moon's plot is as follows: This 16 year old girl, Serina, and her friends have super powers, because Serina is actually the Princess of the moon.... anyway, she has her daughter, Renie, living with her, who travelled back in time to live with her mother when she was younger. There is also a guy named Darien and 3 talking cats. Anyway, in the season the show is currently in, there are these three caracters looking into the dreams of people for a character named pegasus. These three are the villians. Serina transforms into Sailor Moon, and Renie changes into Sailor Mini-Moon, obviously a take off of Dr. Evil's Mini-Me. Anyway the three villians never realize that Renie has Pegasus in her dreams, even though she uses his power and calls him BY NAME every single episode to defeat the villians.
Thats a basic overview... there's more, but it would be far far more confusing if I told you the rest.
Back to the story of full amusingness. Anyway, the plot of today's episode was that there was this fashion designer who had the greatest designs. Anyway, he came under the influence of the one female evil villian, and she made him design all these ugly clothes just for her. Anyway, then he met Serina, and she somehow inspired him to get rid of the nasty clothes and design more beautiful clothes again.
He returns to his studio or whatever, and tells the villianess, and she flips out and attacks him, looking in his dreams for Pegasus, who's not there, if you'll remember, becuase HE'S IN ONE OF THE MAIN CHARACTERS. Anyway, Sailor Moon and Mini-Moon show up to stop this, and what follows is the most non-sense making animated action sequence I have ever seen in my entire life, and I've seen the short-lived animated version of Clerks that was shown only once on MTV.
Where to begin, where to begin.... Damn, I wish I would've clipped video of this.
Well, first off, the villianess insults the was Sailor Moon and Mini-Moon are dressed. Being young/teenage girls, this naturally pisses them off. Then the villianess calls for help from her mystical evil sea lion. Yes, she said "Help me mystic sea lion!"... And an actual sea lion arose from her shadow, bouncing a spinning ball on its nose.
This caused different reactions from both of our heroines:
Sailor Mini-Moon: "Wow, that's pretty good!"
Sailor Moon: "Our enemy seems to have changed its strategy somewhat."
THAT'S ALL SHE HAD TO SAY ABOUT A SEA LION COMING OUT OF THE FLOOR BOUNCING A BALL ON ITS NOSE WITH ORDERS TO KILL HER??????
Anyway, the vilianess escapes through a hole in the ceiling, which she is lefted out of, and the sea lion bites onto her leg and goes with her, but not before it throws the ball at the Sailor people. The ball then grows a face, and begins to attack them relentlessly. Holy shit, I said to myself, this makes no sense.
But then came the real surprise.... The ball was kicking the shit out of them. It was bouncing off of walls and smacking into them, and for the most part it looked like the heroes of Earth had been defeated by a kickball. Then that Tuxedo Mask guy hit it with a long stemmed red rose, which is his form of projectile weapon, and the Mini-Moon summoned Pegasus who finally killed the kickball.
Would ANYONE care to explain what the hell kind of drugs they use in Japan to come up with plots like that?????
--Scuba Steve, March 28, 2001
Sorry about lack of pictures, I scoured the net for like half an hour and I found lots o Sailor Moon pics, but none that were of exactly what I wanted. So use your imaginations.