What up.
I'm sure as sure can be that many of my fans, okay, both of my fans, have been wondering at the immense lack of updates the last few days. Well, truth be told, there are many reasons why I have not added any articles over the last few days. I will now list them all for your amusement. Some are true. Sadly, others are blatant, blatant lies, and I'm not gonna tell you which are which. Figure it out smart guy.
(1) My girlfriend is just more important than my website. Yeah, it's true. In fact, I assessed the situation psychologically and I believe that this website is for me to channel my stupidity into when she's not around. Normally she's the only one that has the privilege of hearing my insane rants.
(2) I was abducted by aliens. They took my kidneys. Even my extra ones that I stole from other people. Now I'm going to have to steal even more kidneys to make up for the lack. In a completely unrelated note, I'm having a party... yeah.... with... uh.... beer, yeah....
(3) At home I have a job. What a horrible concept. It's not really a fun job either, since factory work is not known for its entertaining variety. But, I need money, so it's a great job for the amount I get paid.
(4) Monkeys. It's all their fault, never mine. They sabotage my website while I slumber. Accursed monkeys! But soon, very soon, they shall feel my wrath.... maybe I've said too much.
(5) I can't think of anything to write about. In fact, before I decided to write this tiny, uninspired piece of drivel I stared at a blank notepad screen for about 20 minutes. Must be all that crack.
(6) Crack. See above.
(7) My brother. I allow him the privilege of using my computer to play Diablo II, and he does so. Constantly.
(8) I don't have a LAN connection at home, I have to dial up my parents ISP, which, for those of you who don't speak da Internet jive, means that instead of my lousy college connection, I have an even lousier dial up connection.
(9) Busy being the surrogate father of Jesus. If I say don't ask, I will fill you in in a couple days, will you believe me?
(10) Arrested for pimpin. Yeah, they caught me and my lovely ladies one evening, and I've been on the run ever since. Don't tell the cops I'm here.
(11) Sleep. I desperately need sleep. Unlike most Internet junkies, I do try to get about 7 or 8 hours of sleep per day. I don't know how you people survive with your 3 hours of sleep. That's just crazy. Sleep=good.
(12) Cup O' Noodles addiction has finally caught up with me. I'm not gonna explain, I’m just gonna assure you that this IS one of the true ones and let you all draw your own conclusions.
(13) I've been plotting Jim Carey's death for that horrible horrible sin he committed by making the Grinch look like a homosexual who can't act. (note to all the gay readers, and I know there's a lot: Come on, you can't tell me that he didn't look incradibly gay!) And also totally screwing up his movie. If I lived in Whoville, I'd pop a cap in the Carey's chest.
Thus, I've been rather busy. Sorry. I do feel guilty. Anyway, that’s all at the moment. I WILL write more. Or at least try to. I do feel guilty. Wow, I just reused that sentence. Wow, I just found amusement in my own mistake instead of correcting it. And now, instead of going to sleep, I'm gonna write a comic, mainly because I feel the need to keep adding shit.
--Scuba Steve, December 16, 2000