Dear Bn,

You and I both came to the same conclusion - that it is time for a change between us.

There are some fundamental differences between what we each want and need right now. Yes, you are right - our loving each other is not enough to make this kind of relationship work. Trying to be friends AND lovers doesn't work for either of us; I see now that although we were able to do that in the past, we can't have both anymore. The passion of sex and the comfortable intimacy we naturally feel around each other cannot be easily separated from the love you want and need in your life. And believe it or not, I have learned that I cannot have both happily, either.

Much of the turmoil and confusion in my life centers around work, family and money. But I DO have very strong mixed feelings for you, which are only confused and strained by trying to have everything with you.

I have been selfish sometimes. So have you, and you have not always been honest with me. I have not always listened to your needs. But many times I have, and I try very hard to find out what you want. The relationship could have been better at times, but for the most part I think we both were very good to each other.

I think it comes down to this - I cannot give you what you want from me. What you want is very reasonable; understandable. You have the right to expect more out of this relationship, after all this time, and all we've been through. You are well within reasonable expectations to want a commitment from me - but I am not able to make that commitment honestly with you.

I do not love you less; I do not regret any of the times we've had together. And I do not intend to change the friendship. The friendship will always be there. We have shared many special and interesting times together; these will not be forgotten. But I think our friendship will eventually be stronger if we do not have the passion and intimacy any more.

I would like to ask that we stop being lovers, and give us some time apart so that we can become closer friends in the end. This is sad and uncomfortable for me; probably for you, too. But I think we both know it is the right thing to do.

You have been and continue to be a great joy in my life. You have touched me like no one else has. You've supported me in my life struggles, have been a constant friend, and taught me how wonderful being unique and different can be. I love you for all those things, yesterday, today, and tomorrow.

I will not try to foretell the future for either of us - it is simply too unpredictable. Except for this - you have touched my life in a way I will always cherish and that means that I know I will love you as a friend always. Beyond that? Who knows?

I love you.

Your Friend.