=== Heaven's Entrance Exam === A man dies and goes to heaven.Of course, St. Peter meets him at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter says, "Here's how it works. You need 100 points to make it into heaven. You tell me all the good things you've done, and I give you a certain number of points for each item, depending on how good it was. When you reach 100 points, you get in." "Okay," the man says,"I was married to the same woman for 50 years and never cheated on her, even in my heart." "That's wonderful," says St. Peter,"that's worth three points!" "Three points?" he says."Well, I attended church all my life and supported its ministry with my tithe and service." "Terrific!" says St. Peter."That's certainly worth a point." "One point?!!" "I started a soup kitchen in my city and worked in a shelter for homeless veterans." "Fantastic, that's good for two more points," he says. "Two points!?!!" Exasperated, the man cries. "At this rate the only way I'll get into heaven is by the grace of God." "Bingo, 100 points! Come on in!"
Romance Never Dies An older couple were lying in bed one night. The husband was falling asleep but the wife felt romantic and wanted to talk. She said, "You used to hold my hand when we were courting." Wearily, he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep. A few moments later she said, "Then, you used to kiss me." Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep. Thirty seconds later she said, "Then, you used to bite my neck." Angrily, he threw back the bed covers and got out of bed. "Where are you going?" she asked. "To get my teeth!"
A man walks into a store to buy a Barbie doll for his daughter. "How much is that Barbie in the window?", he asks the shop assistant. In a condescending manner she responds, "Which Barbie? We have ... - Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95 - Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95 - Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95 - Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95 - Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for $19.95 - and Divorced Barbie for $265.00." The guy asks, "Why is Divorced Barbie $265.00 when all the others are only $19.95?" "That's obvious," the assistant states, "Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, Ken's boat, Ken's furniture..."
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