SPEECHES 

Speech Number 6 in the Communication and Leadership Manual
Insert Tab in Slot
by Joyce

Fellow Toastmasters and guests, I have just made the most interesting discovery. The quickest way to have a nervous breakdown!

It was a very hot morning when I visited my daughter.

“Mum, the air conditioner is on the blink! The repair man promised to come yesterday.”

Tom pushed a box into my hand. It was a construction kit – a 10-inch model of a delivery van. Uncle Jim had sent it for Toms birthday. “We know how you and the boys love doing things together.”

I must tell my brother that when he buys a construction kit he must assemble it before posting.

It said, “Very simple construction with a magic motor.” Excitedly Tom had all the parts scattered. Little Jake looked on. Carefully we folded all the parts marked “Fold down here” and those marked, “Fold up here.”

“Got ya!” I grabbed Jake. “What have you got in your hand?” No way would he say! Eventually I forced those little fingers open to retrieve a wheel. Howling, he protested that he only wanted one and that I had lots. I explained why I must have four wheels. “Grandma will help you find yours soon.”

“No, come now,” he said.

This magic motor required no electricity, no battery, no key to wind and it would never wear out. It was a piece of corrugated cardboard that fitted between the axles. These needed a small notch cut mid-centre.

“Tom, please get Grandma a knife and board…”

“I don’t wanna!”

“Tom, please get me a knife and board!”

“I said I don’t wanna!

Well, with a gentle tap on the bum, that almost sent him through the kitchen door, the utensils arrived.

Well, the axle must have been a factory second, because with blood gushing, I rushed to the bathroom. Returning, my finger wrapped in Band-Aids, I found the boys had put the wheels on the axle. Of course, I congratulated them. I realised they at least had inherited some of my abilities.

Now to assemble the box shape. It said to insert tabs A to L into slots a to L. However tabs and slots were not co-operating as odd ones fell out. Eventually, I decided to insert all and then reset the missing ones. No way would they stay put! Then I pressed it into box shape.

“Come on, boys, let’s have a cold drink.”

“Mum, Grandma won’t finish my van!”

Irritable and fed up, I returned to find a side had fallen off. With sticky tape, I fixed it securely to the axles.

“There you are, Tom. Just give it a gentle push and it will roll down the table. Don’t let it fall off.”

I headed for the toilet.

Door bashing.

“Grandma, it won’t go!”

I returned to the table and rechecked the instructions. Yes, that was what it said. I give a gentle push. Nothing happens. Muttering. “Go, go. Go. Damn you, go!”

I think I fainted. The heat. Then I heard a soft muttering; “If I work this right it will be a slow expensive recovery.”

Later I hear my daughter, “Doctor, what will I do if she is restless?”

“Just give her three of those white tablets, a good murder mystery or a jigsaw puzzle. Something to keep her hands busy.”

Opening my eyes, I saw Jake holding a partly constructed aeroplane for me, apparently abandoned by Dad in the hope that someday it would be forgotten.

Hasn’t he got a lot to learn!

Toastmasters, I do not recommend construction kits for pre-school children!