Parker couldn’t help but notice the weight that settled on her shoulders the moment she entered the Centre’s doors. Though she had been in contact with the office for over a week by phone, her search for a nanny had thankfully given her an excuse to delay her return to work.
That excuse vanished when Greta appeared. Parker grimaced remembering the thirty interviews she’d endured in the past three weeks. Things had gotten so awful, her father had even offered to let his and Brigitte’s nanny do double duty so his Angel could get back to work, as if she’d let anyone associated with Brigitte anywhere near her son.
But that was before the blessed Greta had finally arrived. The two women spoke easily together, something Parker found unusual since she so easily intimidated most women, and they seemed to share views on how things for Thomas should be done. Parker was already prepared to hire her pending Broots’ background check when the woman did something else Parker wasn’t used to – she told her the truth.
"Miss Parker, before you decide whether or not to hire me, there is something I think you should know." Parker raised her eyebrows, and shifted Thomas from arm to the other as she wondered what the young woman had to say.
"You see, I didn’t just happen to hear about your job. I, um, well, I’m friends with a friend of yours. Actually, Jarod sent me."
Parker fought the urge to smile at that. Why should she be surprised? Jarod was as worried about who would care for Thomas as she was, and she should have known that he would find a way to put in his two cents about just who that should be.
She’d thanked Greta for telling her about Jarod’s "referral," and told her she’d call the next day. Even though Parker trusted Jarod implicitly, she could hardly tell the Centre that she’d hired a nanny on his say so, so there was still the matter of letting Broots run required background check, but she knew that her search was over.
Now Greta was where Parker wanted to be more than anything –- home with Thomas. Her heart was heavy enough from having to leave him, and it certainly didn’t help that she was leaving him to come back here. ‘Just remember,’ she told herself, ‘you’re doing this for him.’ The thought ‘and for Jarod’ passed through her mind as well, but she couldn’t let herself think about that now, it would only add to the pain in her already tightened chest.
She hadn’t spoken to Jarod since she’d left him standing in front of their cabin in Wyoming four weeks earlier. As much as she missed him, Parker was well aware of why he hadn’t called. Still, her heart nearly stopped each time her cell phone rang, and she had even woke a few nights, just before Thomas’ 2 a.m. feeding, reaching for the phone, certain she’d heard it ring, but it never had, and she knew it might be a while before it did.
Finally reaching her office, Parker strolled in expecting to see a stack of paperwork and unopened mail on her desk. Instead she was greeted with a sight so humorous, it actually managed to make her smile.
Sydney, Broots and Sam were all seated on the floor in front of her desk. They had apparently come to welcome her back, but Angelo, who was also there, seemed to have other ideas. He had brought nearly three years of accumulated confetti he’d made from scraps of paper, and he was merrily flinging it all over the office. He didn’t seem to notice that he had completely covered the three other men, who were sitting patiently, allowing the savant to enjoy this childlike moment.
"Working hard, I see." The men looked up at Parker’s words, and then she burst into laughter. They looked so ridiculous, like paper-covered snowmen. Angelo howled with joy when he saw her, and ran forward, throwing paper on her, too. Parker quickly closed the door, and Angelo continued his unique decorating.
"This is what you’ve all been up to while I was gone? No wonder the Russell family is still on the loose."
Sydney had now made it to his feet, and he quickly made his way to Parker. He had seen her several times since her return, in fact he and Broots had been at the house to welcome her back. Jarod had called to let them know she was on her way back so that he and Broots could complete the surprise they’d begun for her weeks earlier.
He remembered the easy smile that had come to her face when she’d walked in and saw he, Broots and Debbie waiting for her. Sydney also knew he would never forget those first few moments of watching Parker with her son. Thomas had definitely brought out the best in his mother, and the weeks away from the Centre had allowed her to grow up in so many ways that the Centre had tried to prevent.
Though she was trying to appear at ease now, Sydney could see that returning to the Centre was far from easy for his young colleague. Silently, he wished that there had been away for her to remain free of this place, but he knew from his talks with Jarod that she had been right – running was no way for her son to live.
Jarod was an entirely different matter. He had never heard as much sadness in Jarod’s voice as he had over the past month. He’d heard from Jarod nearly every day, and Sydney sensed this was because the Pretender was not yet sure what to say to Parker. Neither had told him what happened during their time together, but Sydney knew that his earlier instincts had been right on target – the two had formed a stronger bond than they’d ever imagined possible, and now they were having to learn to live with the enormous emotional weight of that connection.
The merriment in Miss Parker’s office was shattered by the ringing of her phone. She stepped forward to the desk and placed her briefcase down as she answered the phone.
"What?"
Sydney could tell by the change in her face who was on the other line, and his suspicions were confirmed when she finally spoke again.
"Of course, Daddy. I’ll be right there." Parker hung up the phone and closed her eyes for a moment. She was truly back in hell, and it seemed a lifetime of hours stood between her and the moment she would return home and hold her son in her arms again.
Finally, her mask of resignation in place, she turned back to face her co-workers.
"Well, duty calls. Broots, do me a favor and get someone up here to clean up. All I need is for Raines’ to see this."
"Sure thing, Miss Parker."
"And guys, thanks."
Miss Parker exited the room, leaving behind a group of pleased and happy men. They knew it was only a matter of time before she screamed at one of them, but they didn’t care. She was back and that was all that mattered.
Jarod returned to his apartment, dropping the heavy gear that was required for his current pretend. He had spent the last three weeks infiltrating the state search and rescue dive team in Massachusetts, in search of the team member he believed was responsible for drowning the team leader, a man named Ray Haskins.
Haskins had left behind a wife and three daughters, and Jarod was certain it had something to do with a report he’d been preparing on funds being embezzled from the state resource fund. After three weeks, Jarod had zeroed in on the responsible party, a woman named Eve Dalton – a lieutenant with the state police, and an expert diver – one who could easily sabotage the gear of another team member, especially one who didn’t think he was in any danger.
He sat down on the couch, placing a bottle of cold Yoo-Hoo on the table next to his laptop. He tried to tell himself that he needed to get to work. His plans for Ms. Dalton were going to go into action in less than 36 hours, and there were still some small details he needed to clean up, but he couldn’t make himself turn on the computer. All he wanted to do was think about them.
It had been this way every day. He’d come home, knowing there were a million things he needed to do, but all he wanted to do was lie here on the couch and imagine what they were doing. Was Parker feeding him? Was Thomas playing with Billy Bear, the teddy bear Jarod had brought to him in the hospital? Were they scared? Were they in danger? The thoughts tormented him and made his heart ache for them.
He was at least happy that she had hired Greta. He’d met the young woman in his first year out of the Centre during a pretend in Hells Kitchen. She had been an invaluable help as he tried to find the drug dealer who was selling poisoned drugs to suburban teens. She was only 19 then, struggling to get through college, and working as a counselor at the local youth center. Now she was a college graduate with a degree in child psychology, and a heart that had seen too much tragedy.
It was that that had made him think to match her with Parker. The two had so much in common, and when he’d approached Greta with the idea, she’d been thrilled. She needed a break from the horrors of the neighborhood, and Jarod hoped that by the time she was ready to return home, Parker and Thomas would be free to return to him.
If that’s what she wanted. That was the problem. With so much distance between them, it was so easy for his doubts to start running away with him. Did she want a life with him? She’d never actually said that, only that she would have stayed with him if it would’ve worked. What did that mean? Now, with so much silence between them, he didn’t know.
He sat up, forcing himself to turn toward the computer and turn it on.
"You’ve got mail." The computer voice rang out to him. Grudgingly, Jarod entered his password and waited for the messages to download.
After a moment of scanning the names of those who had sent him mail, Jarod saw the e-mail address he used to communicate with Sydney and Broots. Worried, he opened the message quickly.
Answers will not come without questions. Don’t you think it’s time to call?
Sydney.
Jarod scanned the message again, reassuring himself that it in fact was just an admonishment by his mentor. Then he considered the message. Was Sydney right, was it finally time to call?
Parker closed the door behind Greta, noticing that Sam was in his self appointed spot across the street. He had begun parking there each night the moment she’d returned to Blue Cove, and though she hoped she would never need to call on him for help, she had to admit it made her feel better to know that someone she trusted was so close by, keeping watch over her and Tommy.
She rushed into her bedroom, eager to peel off her Centre suit and crawl into her comfortable silk pajamas. Then she walked into the nursery and smiled down into the happy face of her baby boy.
"Hey there, little man. Are you ready to play with Mommy for a while?"
Thomas reached his arms toward her and she felt the now familiar rush of emotion in her heart as she reached down and picked him up. She held him close for a moment, breathing in his wonderful baby scent, and as she did, her eyes scanned his nursery, reminding her of their homecoming.
It had taken all of Broots’ self control to let her unload Thomas’ bag and place the baby into Debbie’s ready and loving arms before he’d dragged Parker down the hallway to a door which was adorned with an enormous blue ribbon. She remembered seeing Sydney fight down a smile as the two men ushered her into the room.
What greeted Parker on the other side of the door was a fully decorated nursery. The two men beamed with pride at their handiwork – the walls were decorated with tiny, stenciled construction tools in tribute to the baby’s father, and mountains of stuffed animals and toys filled each corner. Parker was awestruck by the love that had gone into the room – love, she reminded herself, for her.
Looking at the room now, she couldn’t help but drift back to the thoughts she’d had that day. So often, she’d wondered what she had done in her life to deserve the leeway that those who really loved her granted. She certainly knew how difficult she could be, and though she wanted to be loveable, it was hard for her to let anyone inside the walls the Centre had worked so hard to build inside of her. But always it seemed there had been Sydney and Broots, tunneling away at the sturdy barriers and worming their way inside. Then Thomas and the baby – and, of course, there was Jarod.
For now, she didn’t have the energy to face such questions. She was exhausted from her first day back at the Centre, and all she wanted was to settle down into the window seat and play with her son. She carried Thomas out into the living room, stopping to pick up his favorite blanket and Billy Bear, and then she climbed into the comfortable cocoon of the window, placing Thomas in the crook of her lap and bent knees.
God, what a hideous day it had been. She’d been summoned to her father’s office where her brother and stepmother waited under Mr. Parker’s stern gaze to welcome her back home. It was all Parker could do not to break Lyle’s neck after what he’d tried to do to her and her son, but she’d promised her father she’d leave the situation alone for now, and so she’d fought down the urge to kill him.
Brigitte sat with one of her ever-present lollipops stuck in her mouth, and it pleased Parker to no end to see that the troll was still saddled with forty extra pounds of weight. It had taken almost no time for Parker to recover her figure – of course, that was thanks in part to the hell she’d been through physically – but Parker still knew it would drive Brigitte insane to see her back in her short size six skirts so soon after giving birth.
The meeting had only lasted an hour, but it seemed to take forever and her only escape had been a promise to come to dinner Friday night so that she could meet her new baby brother. She hated to think of going to their house, mostly because she knew her father expected her to bring Thomas, and she didn’t want her son anywhere near the troll or her back stabbing twin.
Parker forced those thoughts out of her mind and instead thought about Jarod. She had half expected him to break his silence today. She knew he wasn’t staying away out of anything other than self-preservation, but she missed him terribly and she was beginning to feel a little abandoned. She knew Sydney had picked up on this, though she would never admit it to him.
A loud gurgle from Thomas brought Parker out of her head and she smiled down at her son. She knew so clearly now what his father had been talking about, that night when they’d sat in her dining room, talking about her mother. Parker had been convinced that the studio had been her mother’s refuge from all of the horrors of her life.
"No, Parker, you were." She could still hear his voice, and now she knew the truth of his words. If her mother had found half the joy in her that she found in Thomas, then Parker couldn’t help but feel she had done something wonderful for her mother after all.
Snuggling Thomas close to her, she rocked him gently, staring out at the moon as it shined above them.
Lyle and Brigitte were on their best behavior at the family gathering Mr. Parker had called. To their knowledge, the Chairman didn’t know the part Brigitte had played in the plan to eliminate Parker’s son, but he was definitely watching everything Lyle did, and so they played things very carefully.
For her part, Brigitte found the whole evening barely tolerable. Her stepdaughter wore a tight, black wool dress to the dinner, rubbing the blond’s face in the fact that she still looked like a beached whale following the birth of her son. It also drove her insane to see her husband holding Thomas protectively, cooing over the baby when he hardly ever even looked at the child she had given him.
Parker, meanwhile, adopted an attitude of survival. She would do what she had to do to get out of the dinner in one piece as quickly as possible. To that end, she had marched directly over to Master Parker’s bassinette, and picked up the baby. This action had not gone unnoticed by anyone in the room, most of whom had half-expected her to turn her nose up at the new baby.
Parker looked down at the little boy and noticed that he didn’t look anything like her father. Of course, neither did she, but she knew why that was true, and she knew the same could be true of her new
"brother." Hadn’t Broots himself caught Lyle and Brigitte fooling around? Parker had her suspicions, but for now, she had decided to keep her own counsel.She had, however, nearly come unglued when Lyle tried to take Thomas from her father. Parker had never thought herself capable of moving as fast as she had to intercept the baby, saying she needed to go change him before dinner. Once they were safely inside one of the guest rooms, Parker couldn’t stop the small shudder of fear that ran up her spine as she held her son close to her.
Dinner passed uneventfully, minus a few barbs thrown by the Parker women, and mercifully, Thomas had begun screaming to be fed at about 9:30, giving Parker the perfect excuse to head home.
Unfortunately, her son had fallen sound asleep on the way, and she knew she would have to wake him to feed him, or else face the wrath of his tiny screams when he woke up starving in a few hours. She parked the car and pulled the sleeping baby out of the car. As she did so, she noticed Sam pulling up into his usual spot. Smiling, she continued into the house, quietly shutting the door behind her.
She was greeted by the sight of a roaring fire, and Jarod sitting on a blanket in front of her fireplace. He had turned to look at her as she entered, and now sat staring at her, both unsure who should speak first.
"Jarod, I – Sam’s right across the street." She swallowed hard, her nerves suddenly failing her and making her feel like a flock of butterflies had taken flight inside of her. God, he was here, right in front of her, and that was all she could think of to say, "Sam’s right across the street"? Thankfully, Jarod responded positively to her nervousness, standing up and crossing to her.
"I’m not afraid of Sam."
They stood there, staring at each other for a moment, their eyes only breaking contact when Thomas began to squirm in Parker’s arms.
"I – I’m sorry. I should go feed him and put him down. Give me a minute?"
"I’ll be waiting right here."
Parker was halfway down the hall before she stopped and turn back to look at Jarod again, just to make sure that she wasn’t dreaming and that he was really here. He smiled at her, a nervous, uniquely Jarod smile that sent the butterflies inside of her flying again, and made her very aware of the reality of his presence.
She laid Thomas down just long enough to change into her pajamas and then headed back into the nursery to feed her son. She laughed as Thomas sucked hungrily at her breast, acting as if he hadn’t eaten in days rather than just a few hours. Was it possible, she thought, that just a few months ago she and Jarod had been worried that he was too small to be healthy?
Jarod – her mind couldn’t help but turn back to thoughts of him. There seemed to be so much they needed to say, and suddenly she couldn’t think of a single thing. She was just so glad he was here, so close to her again. She had known she missed him, but not how much, not until this very moment.
In the living room, Jarod stoked the fire and nervously anticipated Parker’s return. He knew he could join her in the nursery, but he needed a few more moments to prepare himself for whatever was about to happen.
He’d decided to come here after watching Eve Dalton be arrested for murder and embezzlement. He had come because he realized that the sense of satisfaction he normally got from the justice he doled out just didn’t feel the same. He was still convinced he was doing the right thing, helping those who couldn’t help themselves, but it just didn’t feel like the most important thing in his life anymore.
What he didn’t know was what he was going to say to her. Do you want to spend your life with me seemed like a heavy question to lay on someone you hadn’t even talked to in a month. But, God, did he need to know the answer.
Neither of them needed to worry so much about what would happen next, because it happened so easily, so naturally that neither would later be able to recount exactly how the scene had played out, they would only remember the enormity of the commitment they made to each other.
He walked into the nursery and saw her standing up from the rocking chair, gently cradling Thomas in her arms as she headed for his crib. Jarod moved toward her as she lay the sleeping infant down, pulling his quilt softly over him. She felt Jarod standing behind her, and smiled as he placed a hand on her shoulder. She reached up and took his hand, and they just stood there, watching Thomas sleep.
After a few moments, she turned quietly, and, keeping hold of his hand, led him from the room. Once in the hallway, they had started talking softly about something that now seemed unimportant as they headed toward the blanket Jarod had set out in front of the fireplace.
She looked back to tell him something, and at that exact moment her foot caught on the edge of the end table and she tumbled to the ground, pulling Jarod with her. They hit the floor, the softness of the blanket somewhat breaking their fall and then they both froze, hoping the noise hadn’t awakened the sleeping baby.
When silence continued to rule the house, Parker looked at Jarod to apologize for her clumsiness. Instead, they both burst into giggles, neither stopping to say that this behavior wasn’t like them or that it wasn’t smart. Instead they surrendered to the fit of laughter, though they struggled to contain the noise to just their small area of the world.
As the laughter began to subside, Parker looked at him once again to offer her apologies. Jarod, too, finally fought back his giggles just in time to catch her eyes at she lifted hers to his. And then, it just happened. One or both of them leaned closer and their lips brushed, and after what seemed a lifetime of waiting, they were kissing.
The kiss was gentle and slow, both waiting for some sign that the other was indeed ready for what was about to happen. Then each reached for the other, holding them more securely. The kiss deepened, their hold tightened, and there was nothing more to fight or to keep them apart as his hands began to peel away the silk that stood between them.
Later, they didn’t speak. She lay on her side, Jarod snuggled against her back, his cheek resting against hers. His right arm lay under her body, extending in front of her, and she lifted her left hand and placed it in his. And then, they began to stroke each other’s fingers. There was no urgency to the movement, and they continued to lay in silence, the physical connection between them having made the long-existing emotional one all that much stronger.
Time went by and they continued to hold each other in the same way. Then her fingers curled into his and his wrapped around hers, and they drifted off to sleep.
It was early morning when Jarod woke. That brought immediate tension into Parker’s body, which was now curled against his side, her head lying on his chest. He smiled and reached a hand to her face, gently stroking her cheek.
"It’s okay, Parker. I’m not going anywhere."
Parker flew away from him, her body shaking, and panic flooded Jarod. He had never seen her react that way to anything. He moved quickly to her, his hands taking her arms as he tried to calm her.
"Parker, what is it? Tell me what it is."
She shook her head, silent tears streaming down her face. Her body continued to shake. Helpless, Jarod pulled her into his arms, holding her tight against him.
‘Don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere,’ the words suddenly flooded back to Jarod from deep inside his memory. Faith had said those words to Parker once. And now, feeling the fear that gripped Parker’s soul, he imagined that Thomas must have said them, too, maybe even her mother.
Realization taking hold, Jarod rocked her gently in his arms. There was no way to fix this for her, and though he hated that knowledge, he accepted it and did what he could to help it pass. Finally, her body began to relax against him, and she lifted her head.
"I’m sorry."
"It’s okay, Parker. We both have too many demons to think they’ll all go away in one night."
She nodded against him and stayed in his arms for several more minutes. He began pulling her back toward the blanket to lie down when she turned and stopped him.
"Let me check on Tommy while I’m up."
She stood and walked naked through the living room and into the nursery. There was something very touching to Jarod in the fact that she didn’t feel the need to cover herself around him. When she didn’t return right away, he guessed that Tommy was awake and hungry, and he laid back down, waiting for her.
After a while, she returned, sinking down beside him, her head coming to rest on his chest once again as his arm wrapped around her, holding her close.
She slept again. Jarod watched over her, sleep holding far less appeal than the pure joy he felt from seeing her relaxed and content in his arms.
He felt her breathing change, and then she was looking up at him. And then she smiled and Jarod was sure he felt his heart actually grow in order to hold all of the love he felt for her. His lips found hers and once again, the rest of the world slipped away as the two lovers said with their bodies what both were still hesitant to say in words.
go to part 13