(Legal Note: All FF7 characters and related crap portrayed are the property of Squaresoft. Tiberian Sun and related crap are the property of Westwood. Whatever else I put in is the property of whoever owns it.) Warning: Contains spoilers and disturbing mental images. Enjoy :)
Prologue
The fall of Shinra and the resulting world peace, that is as much peace that could possibly occur on a planet with different cultures, didn't do much to enrich the careers of the once
notorious Turks. After failed attempts at being bodyguards and mercenaries, failed due to lack of necessity and/or interest for the type of clientele, the trio became a team of private investigators. Their jobs have mainly been proving some loser has been faking his/her injuries for the sole purpose of defrauding some insurance company of a few thousand gil or some horny bastard who has been screwing around on his/her spouse, until one fateful day.
Elena thought of the late, great Turk Tseng and who could possibly replace such a great man as her crush were interrupted by a slew of obscene language screamed
by Reno as he and Rude played another rousing game of Tiberian Sun.
"Goddamn exploding crates!" screamed Reno as his stealth tank was exploded from its virtual existence. Rude simply smiled as he collected another money crate with a GDI Wolverine. Elena simply sighed. Business was exceptionally slow this time of year. Suddenly, a certain spiky haired individual came bursting through the Turk's business door. It was no other than the Turk's old enemy Cloud. However the ex-SOLDIER had something on his mind other than opening up old grudges.
"How can we help you, uh Cloud?" Elena gulped at the distraught young man. Elena had seen many things during her colorful stint as a Turk, but nothing could compare to the leader of the saviors of the planet's face streaked with tears. Reno and Rude, other than being annoyed that their battles as GDI and NOD were being interrupted, were also perplexed at the sight of the grief stricken young man. What on earth could reduce the same guy who proverbially kicked their asses so many times to tears.
"I need you guy to do investigate something for me?" Cloud sobbed.
"Well why don't you have one of your fellow 'AVALANCE' buddies..."
"Shut up Elena!" snarled Reno, then turning his attention to the sorrowful young man, he asked, "What exactly did you want us to investigate, big guy?"
"This!" Cloud then slammed a stack of newspapers on the desk in front of Reno. As the three Turk gathered around, Reno proceeded to shuffle through each individual frontpage headline and title.
"Aeris Sighting: In Midgar Slums" the Western Continent Enquirer proclaimed with large bold letters.
"Aeris is alive. We Have Proof: Exclusive Photos" the Junon Star declared.
"Aeris married to Moogle" the Weekly Planetary News stated.
The Turks turned their attention back to Cloud.
"You do realize that these are tabloids and full of MPMHH..." Elena said until Rude grabbed her mouth.
Reno simply smiled at the young man, "I'm assuming you would like to us get to the bottom of these obvious legitimate reports."
"Yes, I have to know the truth." Cloud sniffed at his former adversaries. "Why would Aeris not tell me that she's alive if she is alive. Why God Why?!?"
"We'd be more than happy to help you." said Reno in an obviously fake professional tone, quickly adding, "providing you pay our standard fee plus expenses." then handing the hero a payment schedule.
"Of course." Cloud said barely glancing at the paper Reno just handed him, " Just find out what's going on."
"Certainly, first thing why don't you start our investigation by telling us about how Aeris died."
Cloud sighed, and went over the events in a long and detailed monologue which I have no intention of writing since I'm assuming you, the reader, knew what happened during that fateful period during the first disc.
The Investigation Begins
"So tell me again why we're investigating an article from the same paper that stated that Sephiroth was the love child of Hojo and some woman called Lucrecia?" Elena bitterly asked as the Turks drove up to Rocket Town.
"Because we need the money and Cloud is desperate enough and dumb enough to hire us to investigate the matter." answered Rude.
"OK, then why are we going to Rocket Town to ask Cid what happened instead of just going to where these photos were shot?" Elena asked even more bitterly since said photographs were taken in Midgar where the Turks were based.
"Because ol' spike is paying us on an hourly basis plus expenses and Rude and I would like to get most out of it." Reno happily responded, "and beside I'm kinda curious about what the heroes of the planet are up to."
Stepping out of the car, the Turks came up to Cid's place. After giving the door a healthy rapping, the P.I.'s were greeting with a chorus of swear words belted out by not one but two gruff voices. An angry Cid swung open the door.
"What the @#$& do you morons want?" demanded the pilot. Behind Cid was the massive, glaring form of Barret.
"I pity da foo's who interrupts the A-Team/Dukes of Hazzard crossover two-hour special, Turk suckas!" Barret yelled shaking his gun-fist. "Dis betta be good."
"We'd like to talk to you about Aeris." Reno said.
"Why?" asked Cid.
"Cloud asked us to investigate some claims that she might be alive."
"Only Cloud would be @*&$%!@ stupid enough to believe a paper that said that we were the creations of something called Squaresoft." Cid muttered. Barret was even less pleased.
"The hell you foo's talkin about. I should throw your asses to the northern crater for takin
advantage of Cloud like that!" Barret was about to do so when Elena blurted out,
"We'll cut you in what he's paying us." Reno and Rude glared at Elena. Fortuantely for the ex-Shinra assassins, Cid and Barret liked the idea of a little extra income.
"Alright, come on in." Cid grunted.
"This is coming out of your share." Reno growled to Elena as the Turk's filed into the crusty old pilot's home.
Cid & Barret's Story
"Shera make us some... oh wait she's at the store." Cid sat down on his favorite chair and began to recite his experience in the forgotten capital.
Meanwhile at the Rocket Town Mercantile, a certain rocket technician was buying groceries when a certain feeling struck her out of the blue.
"Oh No! The Captain needs tea!" with that Shera put her shopping speed into overdrive.
"There she was when all of a sudden that $%&$&#@ pretty-boy came swooping down jabbing his #$*#$@% sword through her. Poor kid didn't have a chance." Cid sadly recalled.
"Anything else?" asked Elena slightly peeved about losing part of her share for an R rated version of story Cloud told.
"Nope, ol Seph just impaled her and she died just like that." Cid said with a snap of fingers.
"Hol' on a minute. Dat don' make no sense." Barret suddenly blurted out. "I's seen people get impaled before and dey's jus' don' die dat fast."
"What the #*&$ are you talking about Barret!"
"I seen a guy in AVALANCE fall on a six foot spike during a botched raid on a Mako Reactor. Took him 30 seconds to die, an' he wuz spittin out blood out of his mouth an' everything."
Cid's demeanor turned from anger to confusion.
"Come to think of it, she didn't bleed at all." Cid said thoughtfully.
At the RTM, Shera was being helped by a less than speedy clerk.
"Let's see Malboro Cigarettes, those are 30 gil a carton. Wutai Black Tea that would be hmm. Hey Hal I need a price check on Wutai Tea!"
"Please for the love of god hurry." Shera groaned as the thought of an angry Cid danced through her mind.
"So let me get this straight, Sephiroth ran Aeris through with that over-sized blade of his, and she with out bleeding or death convulsions just keeled over?" Reno asked the pilot.
"That's about the size of it."
"Well thanks guys. You've been a lot of help and we'll be sure you get what's coming to you."
"See that you do." Cid grunted to leaving Turks. With that done Cid and Barret turned to the TV just to discover to their delighted surprise that the Turks ate up a very long commercial break. Without warning Shera, blasted through the door.
"Sorryittookmesolong, I'llgetstaredonyourtearightawayCaptain." she rapidly said while simultaneously trying to put away the groceries and fill the teakettle with water.
"That's ok Shera, our guests just left. Say did you remember my smokes?" Cid said not paying attention. Shera didn't answer, she just broke down and began sobbing.
The Plot Thickens
"Next stop: Cosmo Canyon" proclaimed Reno to his fellow private eyes. "You've been awful quiet Elena, what's on your mind?"
"Could it be that those tabloids were right?" she wondered.
"What, about Yuffie being a spawn of Jenova?"
"No! About Aeris being alive."
"I doubt it, let's just talk to that big cat-wolf thing, uh what his name?"
"Red XIII, I think." answered Rude.
Reno pulled up to the town dedicated to the study of the planet and the Turks proceeded to go to the Inn since it seemed that is was about sundown. At the inn Rude was signing in when, Palmer danced up to the bar.
"I'd like more lard tea please with extra... HEY-HEY it's the Turks. Uh.. my wife didn't send you here did she?" the former Shinra director of the Space Program seemed nervous.
"No Palmer, we're here for some other business." Reno answered.
A voice from the rooms rang out, "Yoo-hoo Palmer bubby! I'm getting lonely."
"I'll be right there, Mukki." Palmer got his tea and danced merrily to room from which his fat little body came. The Turks looked at each other.
"On second thought, let's just go talk to Red XIII." Reno said with a hint of disgust.
Red XIII's story.
Red XIII looked at the nauseated Turks with slight amusement. No doubt they had a run in with Palmer and his dirty little secret.
"So how I can help you?" he asked.
"We'd like to ask you about Aeris's death." answered Reno, trying to get the stomach turning image of Palmer and Mukki out of his head. "Do you remember what happened that day?"
"I do indeed. Aeris was praying, Cloud approached her, she opened her eyes and smiled, Sephiroth floated down and ran her through with the Masamune, she jolted, hung on to life for a brief moment, and closed her eyes and passed from this mortal coil."
Rude thought for a moment, "Wait a second, people don't close their eyes when they die. I know that because I saw it in a movie."
"Yes that is true, I dismissed that thought because Aeris was a Cetra and had different reaction to death. But now that I think about she was only a half-Cetra, and thusly should not have died in so peacefully when killed in a such violent fashion."
"This just keeps getting stranger and stranger." Elena said with a look of confusion on her face.
"Do you know where else we can some more information?"
"I can think of only one place. A place where the planet's most feared enemy once resided..."
The Northern Crater
"I can't believe we're doing this. What exactly do you two expect find down here anyways. Sephiroth is dead." Elena complained.
"Quit complaining Elena, Red XIII said Seph might have kept a journal or something, don't ask me why, and besides longer were working more money we get." Reno responded. The trio descended the crater not to find the bizarre cave motif that we remember from the third disc, but a well furnished room with a living room set, a complete Sorny entertainment system with a 20" screen TV, a Macron computer with a Wintel pentagram III chip and Macrohard Shinradows 2000, and fully stocked wet bar. The Turks were flabbergasted at the setting, if he was sleeping inside a big crystal, how did the megalomaniac manage to decorate the cavern.
"Ahem.." the Turks spun around to see that the answer to this puzzle had a disturbing and terrifying answer. "If I might be so bold to ask, what are you three doing in my home and why shouldn't I fillet you for trespassing?" the black-clad figure glared angrily at the intruding Turks.
"Uh.. we were just um.. seeing if anyone was home er.. Mr. Sephiroth, sir." stammered Reno as he backed away from the fearsome ex-SOLDIER.
"This is going to do me a lot of good." an evil smile crept on Sephiroth's face as he advanced towards the cowering Turks.
Terrified Elena cried out, "Oh please don't kill us! We're just looking into allegations that Aeris is alive and were just interviewing witnesses about the death and one of them said there might be a clue here or something."
"Oh is that it, I thought you were selling magazine subscriptions." Sephiroth re-sheathed the Masamune and beckoned the Turks to sit down a comfortable couch that adorned his living room. "Have a seat and I'll tell you about the events which took place during my Jenova induced insanity."
Sephiroth's story
Sephiroth sat back in his Lazy Boy recliner and recalled the events during the now, in the Turk's eyes, questionable death of Aeris. "I was sitting there in the rafters waiting for Cloud and his friends to show up. My, or more specifically Jenova's reasoning was that if I made Cloud kill Aeris, he would be so racked with guilt, he couldn't continue in his quest to stop me from becoming one with the planet yadda yadda yadda. Anyways, that didn't work out so I just flew down and killed her with the Masamune. Strange thing was it felt like I stuck it through jelly or something."
"What do you mean?" asked Reno.
"Well it didn't feel like a person, it just went in there and came out real easy." Sephiroth motioned with the long sword. "Plus there was no blood she didn't gasp or gurgle or anything like that when I pulled the sword out, it was just too easy."
"And you didn't notice anything?" Elena asked.
"Well, I was more concerned with smashing the world with an oversized rock, than details of one mere death, so I thought nothing of it." Sephiroth answered.
"So you don't think it was Aeris?" asked Rude.
"No, unless Ancients are made out some sort of gel." Sephiroth answered.
"One last question." Reno stated with a look of concern, "How is it that you're still alive and do you plan to summon meteor again to become a god?"
Seph chuckled, ignoring the fact that was two questions. "No, I'm just going to sit back and relax and live off of the equities from my Macrohard stock. For me being alive that's an interesting story."
Sephiroth began to explain about his survival of his encounter with Cloud and
AVALANCHE but since that has nothing to do with the story, I'll omit it.
An Answer From the Planet-Protector
"Wow, what an amazing story." Reno exclaimed about Seph's tale of surviving by means of genetics, illusions, and more his less discussed talents. The Turks were riding gold chocobos they rented from the new rent-an-other-yellow-chocobo shop where the Chocobo Sage's house used to be, to Midgar.
"So what next?" asked Elena, "We talked to Cid, Barret, and Sephiroth. What else is there to do?"
"Well, since this investigation has gotten long and tedious, we're going to check out the place where most of these pictures were taken." Reno smiled as he shook the tabloids, "The church in the Midgar slums."
"What we should have done in the first place." Elena muttered as the chocobos sped off to the slightly trashed city.
As the Turks approached the ruined church, their thoughts were interrupted by a sweet and familiar voice.
"And how are my babies today. Oooh, do you need a drink of wa-wa. I bet you do." The Turks entered to find a pink-clad woman watering a makeshift flower garden in the middle of the church. When Aeris noticed the Turks, she began a rather unimpressive blinking ghost impression. "I am the spirit of Aeris Gainsbourgh. Please Cloud defeat Sephiroth and end the threat of Meteor so I may return to yooou."
"Knock it off, Gainsbourgh, we know you're alive." Elena spat.
"I'm not alive, I'm a ghost, I must haunt this church until the Planet is safe and I can return to my beloved Cloud."
Elena sighed, "Meteor is gone, Sephiroth isn't threatening anybody anymore, you're a tabloid headliner, and quite frankly I'm getting sick of this whole mess so you'd better explain what the hell is going on." It had become evident that Elena's patience had been eroded from the events of the past few days.
Aeris beamed at Elena's revelations. "How wonderful, I can't wait to see Cloud and the others."
"Wait a minute, you didn't know about the destruction of meteor. Didn't you guide the lifestream to help Holy destroy it?" asked Reno incredulously.
"Well yes, but the Planet said Sephiroth was still alive, but it didn't know what he was up to so I hid until now."
"Well what about the Ancient Capital?"
"That was a Cetra illusion."
"Why didn't you tell anyone?"
"I would have blown my cover silly, tee-hee." Aeris giggled. "But since everything is just swell, I'm gonna go see Cloud and restart our wonderful relationship." With that Aeris kissed her flowers good bye and skipped merrily out the church door, but not before Rude gave her a "special letter" for Cloud. Satisfied with a job well done, the Turks went home and waited for a well deserved payment.
Epilogue
Cloud was billed 75,000 gil for the Turk's services and expenses including chocobo rental, gas, danger pay for being threatened by Sephiroth and being exposed to Palmer's personal lifestyle. Cloud paid with his earnings from chocobo racing.
Aeris let everyone know she was alive and well, and everyone was happy except for Tifa with whom Aeris fought over for the affection and Cloud.
Cid & Barret received 5000 gil each for aiding the Turks. They were both happy to get paid.
Red XIII explained how combs improved his ability to fight, met another of his kind, and did other things.
Sephiroth wrote a book on his life, including a chapter on how he survived the AVALANCE encounter. This chapter alone insures the book becomes a best seller due its so incredible.
Yuffie said 'GAWD' a lot and tried to steal materia.
Vincent slept in his coffin, but woke due to a particularly disturbing dream involving a purple, plush, dinosaur with a bad habit of singing lame songs about sharing and other garbage. He's been battling insomnia ever since.
Cait Sith generally annoyed people.
Author's Note
This is the first fic I've ever wrote (and finished). If you're offended by my trivializing of Aeris's brave sacrifice, I'm sorry, but I needed to do something about a very unconvincing death scene. If you liked my fic, send me your compliments. If you hated it, tell me why (preferably without obscenities ). My email c_delisio@hotmail.com