This is for you guys.
B
I Will Remember You
By Lutra Cana (16/11/99)
*******
I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
*******
Hutch had returned home from his morning run and just finished his shower
when the phone call came. It rang four times
before he was able to get to it. At this time of the morning,
he certainly wasn't expecting it to be his Captain.
"Hutchinson, is your partner there?" The gruff voice sounded weary.
"No, Captain. He usually doesn’t roll in until about five minutes
before we're supposed to be on duty." Hutch was
surprised at the question. Of course, it wasn't all that unusual
for Starsky to camp out on his couch but this was Monday
and they hadn't seen each other since Saturday afternoon. "Why?
What's up? You need us in early?"
"Have you talked to him at all this morning?" Dobey's tone was beginning to worry Hutch.
"No, we talked on the phone for a few minutes last night. He'd
spent the day with some family and just wanted to touch
base with me. Captain, what's wrong?" Hutch started to
have an uneasy feeling in his stomach.
"A patrol car found the Torino in the parking lot at the beach near
your place. There's no sign of your partner and,
Hutch, there's blood all over the front seat." Hutch's knees
gave out on him and he sank to the couch. The words Dobey
were saying made no sense. Why would Starsky's car be down at
the beach? He'd talked to him just last night. It had
been late and Starsky told him he was heading for bed.
"Captain, it can't be Starsky's car. He was getting ready for
bed when I talked to him last night. There's no reason for his
car to be down there. Did you check his place? Maybe he's
just slept in, or his car was stolen, or..." Hutch stopped,
realizing he was babbling.
"I sent a patrol car round to his apartment as soon as I got the call,
Hutch. There's no one home. And there's no sign of
anything out of the ordinary, either." Dobey sounded more than
just weary; he sounded resigned. "The uniforms found
his shield and wallet in the glove compartment. That leather
jacket he wears all the time is in the back seat. I came down
as soon as the on-duty called me."
Hutch shook himself out of the panic he felt. "Where's the car?
I'll be right there." Recognizing the address Dobey gave
He gaped in alarm at that shoe, not wanting it to be there. But
it was. Hutch approached his own car as if it would take a
After disconnecting the call, Hutch started to look around the immediate
area for anything else. Not far from where the
He turned and walked back to his LTD, searching carefully for any other
clue that he might have missed the first time.
"I've got a man on a land line who says he has some information for
you, Sergeant Hutchinson. Shall I put him through?"
"Put him through, and thanks." A click and then the sounds of
a remote link. "Hutchinson, here. What do you have for
A strange and distorted voice laughed at him. "Oh, Hutch, Hutch,
Hutch. How worried you sound. Are you missing
"Who is this? Where's Starsky?" Hutch tried to keep the
anger and the fear from his voice.
"Let's just say that I'm a concerned citizen, Sergeant. And as
for where your partner is, well, you don't need to hurry to
Hutch swore and almost threw the mike across the car, then changed his
mind and called dispatch. "This is Zebra three.
"I don't know, Sergeant. It was routed down from your desk phone.
I can try to find out, but I don't think it's possible."
"Do what you can. Patch me through to Captain Dobey." He
could almost hear Starsky's voice reprimanding him to be
Quickly filling Dobey in on the ominous call, the two tried to figure
out what it could mean. Neither spoke the words that
The uniforms didn't ask questions. They knew what was going on
and how Hutch must be feeling right now. The ride to
Arriving at the scene, Hutch got out and barely remembered to
thank the officers for the ride. All he could see was the
"Hutch. Do you have keys to the Torino? We didn't want to
pop the trunk lock if we could avoid it." Dobey had placed
Hutch fished in his pocket for his set of keys. Each partner had
a set of the other's car and apartment keys. Working so
The trunk was empty except for the normal items that were always there.
The required police equipment: flares, first aid
The only thing that was in the trunk that didn't belong was a large
pool of dried brown. A pool of what looked terribly like
*******
Monday flowed into Tuesday. There was still no sign of Starsky.
Hutch had spent the last twenty-four hours searching,
The forensics team had scoured Starsky's apartment with no success.
The same with both the Torino and Hutch's LTD.
Huggy, once told of the situation, had tapped into his network, but
nothing had come of it. He finally came down to the
"I don't care what you have to do! I have a missing officer and
precious little to go on to find him. Now, get those extra
Two such different people united in the love for the third part of the
equation. The missing part. Hardly speaking,
They had been going through Starsky and Hutch's case files for some
hours now, trying to pinpoint who might be
"Hutch, Huggy." The two men looked up from their work. "Let's
go down to the cafeteria and get some breakfast. I don't
"Captain, I can't take..."
Dobey interrupted Hutch. "It wasn't a suggestion, Hutch.
It's an order. You have to have something in your system to
Giving in to the inevitable, Hutch and Huggy put aside their files and
followed the older man. Their meal was a silent
They had almost finished when a uniform hurried up to their table.
Bending down to Dobey, he quietly spoke to the
"What? Is it Starsky?" Hutch dropped the fork he was holding.
He barely felt Huggy's hand clutching his arm.
Dobey dismissed the uniform with a wave of his hand. Turning to
Hutch, he tried to look composed. "Hutch, now be
For just a moment, Hutch thought he was going to pass out. Deep
in his heart, he knew that his partner was alive
Taking up his fork again, he resumed eating. The others watched
him in silence, observing the deliberate way he
"Well, I'm done. Shall we go down to the morgue and get this over
with? It's not Starsky, but I suppose we'll have to make
Again, no one spoke. Not down the long hallway to the morgue,
and not in the little office where they sat waiting for the
When the morgue attendant notified them that the wagon had arrived,
all three proceeded to the room where the body
"Hey, Hutch. Do you want me to look for you? You don't have
to put yourself through this you know." His friend's
"No, I'll do it, Hug. If it, if it should be Starsky, then it's
only right that I should be the one to identify him." Patting his
Hutch felt a flood of relief as he looked down at the face of a stranger.
It wasn't Starsky. He had been right. He felt
The secretary from the outer office poked her head around the corner
of the doorframe. "Sergeant Hutchinson? There's
"Hutchinson."
"Hi there, Hutch. Did you have a little scare?" It was that
voice again. "I thought I'd see how you were holding up. Don't
"What the hell have you done with Starsky? And what the hell are
you trying to prove?" Hutch ground out.
"Prove? Just that what goes around comes around. You took
away something that I loved; now I've taken away
All he could hear was that voice in his head, 'taken away something
you loved', over and over again. *******
*******
It took a little time, as well as some encouraging words from Huggy,
before Hutch pulled himself together. Dobey was still
The three went back up to Dobey's office, pausing for a moment to talk
to the team dusting the office that the caller had
*Hutch, thought you'd like this back.
It was simply signed
*A concerned citizen*
Dobey was furious. The caller had been in his office, in broad
daylight. He got on his phone, yet again, and called the
Hutch had gone beyond simple fear into full-fledged terror for his partner's
safety. The wording of this letter combined
Huggy and Hutch set to picking up the files. The recent call made
their earlier sorting a futile effort. From what the man
Hutch called down to records for more files, giving the time span before
he and Starsky became partners. He also would
Huggy offered to drive the detective home, but Hutch didn't want him
making that trip when Huggy was as tired as he
***
***
Days passed without any more of the phone calls. Without any clues,
and increasingly, without hope. The other officers
Captain Dobey was going through his own kind of hell as well.
He was very fond of his two maverick detectives. Dobey
He missed Hutch too, even though the man was in the same room.
There were no smiles, no gentle words of reason. No
Dobey had issued a Missing Person's report to the media on the Thursday
following Starsky's disappearance. Something
Hutch had contacted the LA enclave of the Starsky family, hoping that
one of them would have something for him, to no
By the middle of the second week, Dobey was certain that Hutch was slowly
going out of his mind. The detective would sit
It was to the point where Captain Dobey wished they would just find
Starsky's body so that Hutch could properly mourn.
him, he hung up the phone and rushed to get dressed. Trying to
do up the snaps on his holster, he realized his hands
were shaking.
Grabbing his jacket and car keys, he was out the door and down the
stairs to his own car. He skidded to a halt when he
realized there was something lying beside the passenger side door of
his LTD. One blue running shoe. A very familiar
blue running shoe.
bite out of him. Crouching down on the curb, he looked at the
shoe, realizing with a tremor of real fear that there was
blood on it.
up and gave his car a good looking over. There was nothing unusual,
nothing that shouldn't have been there, that he
could see. Going around to the driver's side, he opened the door
and picked up the radio mike. Contacting dispatch, he
had them patch him through to Dobey. Quickly explaining to his
Captain what he'd found, he requested a squad car to
pick him up and a forensics unit to come and dust the car. Just
in case.
shoe lay, he found a splatter of what could possibly be blood, then
another near the back of his car. Trying to stay calm,
he followed a trail of drops and splatters to a parking space a couple
spots back. All of the splatters were dry. There was
a larger splatter and then they just stopped. This must have
been where Starsky had parked his car the night before, but
why? It had been after ten when the partners had spoken on the
phone. There had been no reason for him to come
over to Hutch's, not without calling first. And why hadn't he
heard the Torino's distinctive motor? A sound he was so
familiar with. Starsky almost always revved that darn motor when
he pulled up in front of his partner's place. It made no
sense at all.
Just as he arrived back at the car, the dispatcher's voice came on
the radio. "Zebra three, come in Zebra three." Hutch,
praying that it was some good news, picked up the mike and responded.
"Zebra three, go ahead dispatch."
The female dispatcher, well aware of what was happening, sounded concerned.
me?" Fully expecting it to be Huggy.
something Sergeant? Like maybe a partner? Well don't worry,
I've taken very good care of him. He's in good hands
now, the best of hands you might say."
look for him. He's quite fine where he is. I'll let you
and your friends on the police force look for him for a little while, then
I'll tell you where you can find him. Of course, you may not
want him by then, but at least you'll know where he is."
Another short, ugly laugh and the connection was broken.
Where did that call come from?"
polite. "Please."
they truly feared, trying not to give life to what might be.
Hutch turned as a patrol car pulled up beside him. Letting his
Captain know that he was once again on his way, he hung up the mike.
The uniform sitting in the passenger side got out
and gestured for Hutch to take his place. The blond nodded his
thanks and got in as the uniform climbed into the back.
the parking lot was silent, only broken by the normal chatter on the
radio.
Torino, sitting by itself in the lot, surrounded by police. Spotting
his Captain, Hutch hurried over, hoping against hope
that he had some good news for him. Dobey saw the worried detective
loping across the pavement and moved away
from the car to intercept him.
his hand on Hutch's arm. A sure sign of his worry.
closely together, driving each others cars at times, it had always
seemed the prudent thing to do. Handing the keys to
Dobey, the blond followed his superior to the red and white car.
Watched as the captain inserted the key and the trunk
hood popped open. Praying that whatever might be inside that
trunk was not what he feared.
kit, things like that. Some of Starsky's own things, a basketball,
a gym bag with a change of clothes, an overdue library
book. Nothing that unusual, except for what wasn't there.
Hutch pushed forward, wanting a better look. The blanket that
his partner always carried in the trunk was gone as was the small shovel
that was standard equipment. He knew they had
been there on Saturday when he had had to move them to fit the picnic
cooler in. They and their current girlfriends had
spent the day at the beach, just enjoying being together.
blood. Hutch and Dobey stared at each other, fear written across
their faces.
questioning, cajoling, and threatening. Trying to track down
any clue, no matter how small, to find his partner. There had
been nothing. It was as if the man had vanished into thin air.
Nothing. They took samples from the sidewalk in front of Hutch's
apartment, from the Torino's front seat and trunk. All
they could prove was that it was human blood, Starsky's blood type.
But they couldn't say with total conviction that it was
Starsky's. What fingerprints they could raise from the cars were
traced back to either of the partners or of people known
to have been in one or the other of the cars in the recent past.
Nothing that helped.
stationhouse, hoping that even if he couldn't find Starsky he could
at least lend support to Hutch. The beginnings of the
day shift found the two of them camped out in Dobey's office, drinking
cold coffee and going through old case files. The
Captain, who hadn't slept much either, was once again on the phone.
men out on the street and look." Dobey slammed down the receiver.
"Damn fools." Muttering to himself, he reached for
his coffee cup. Realizing that it was empty, he sighed and just
sat watching the other men.
passing papers back and forth, eliminating possibilities. Generally,
Dobey wouldn't have allowed a civilian access to the
files or to participate so closely in an investigation. But this
was a special case. All three of them were a special case.
He knew how often his detectives turned to Huggy for information in
their work. How that information helped to solve
some very important cases. Huggy would have made a good cop if
he didn't have such a larcenous soul. It was a good
thing that an innate sense of decency balanced that side of Huggy.
He never broke laws, just bent them a bit.
responsible for Starsky's disappearance. There were two piles
of files on the floor, one, maybes, and the other, nos.
The no pile was much bigger than the maybes. All three of them
in the room were tired, both physically and emotionally,
but Hutch looked close to the end of his endurance. He hadn't
slept at all since this had all started and Dobey wasn't
sure that he had eaten either. The Captain decided that they
all needed a break, even if only long enough to eat.
know about you two, but I need something more than stale coffee."
Dobey tried to smile but wasn't too successful.
keep going. You're not going to be any good to Starsky if you
exhaust yourself. Now, put down those files and come with
me. I'll let Ted know where we'll be in case anything comes up."
affair; each ate mechanically, lost in thought. Occasionally
one of the other officers or staff would pause at the table with
a word of encouragement or to pass on an idea. But most left
the three alone. They were a little zone of misery and
fear. The whole station was hushed, as much as such a busy place
could be. Everyone waiting, praying for the safe
return of one of their own. Or dreading a different outcome.
Captain. Dobey's eyes widened then shifted to Hutch. Catching
that look of concern, Hutch felt the food he had just
eaten turn to a lump in his stomach.
calm. It doesn’t mean anything, but a patrol unit found a body
downtown that matches Starsky's description. The coroner
is bringing the body over to our morgue. Should be here in about
ten minutes."
somewhere out there. He couldn't be wrong. Suddenly remembering
to breathe, he shook himself. There was no way
that he was going to believe that Starsky was not coming back until
he had the evidence in front of him.
attacked the remaining food on his plate. Finally Hutch ate the
last bit of toast, drank the last sip of coffee. Putting his
knife and fork carefully on his plate, he looked up at his companions.
that official." He calmly pushed back his chair and stood up.
Headed for the door without looking back to see if Dobey
and Huggy followed. By the time the others caught up to the fast
moving blond he was at the end of the corridor pushing
open the dividing doors. Hutch held the door open for them and
then led the way to the other wing that held the morgue.
coroner's wagon to arrive. Huggy and Dobey sat like bookends
to the stiff figure between them, patiently waiting to prove
the coroner wrong.
was. Just for a moment, Hutch hesitated at the door. From
there, he could see the sheet covered body lying so still on
the table. It looked to be the right length, the right shape.
Huggy turned around and walked back to his friend.
concerned voice shook Hutch out of his freeze. Looking into those
dark brown eyes, so filled with compassion, Hutch felt
suddenly blessed to have a friend like Huggy.
friend's shoulder, Hutch walked on into the room. Up to that
still form and took a deep breath. The attendant, at a nod
from Dobey, pulled the sheet back far enough to reveal the head and
face.
Dobey's hand on his shoulder and turned to look at him. "It's
not Starsky. It's not him." Never had he felt so glad for
someone else's misfortune. If things had been different, if they
hadn't have feared that this poor soul was Starsky, he
would have felt guilty.
a phone call for you." Hutch followed the woman out to the office
and picked up the receiver.
worry, when it's time for you to find your partner, I'll tell you right
where to look. Be patient."
something you love. As for what I've done with Starsky, well,
you'll just have to wait. Not that you're going to be happy to
have him back. Not at all." A sharp click signaled the
end of the call. Hutch just stood for a moment, clenching the
receiver in his hand. The words, 'taken away something you love'
burned in his mind.
Heard himself repeat what the voice had said to him. Felt other
hands came and guide him to a chair, urging him to sit
down. He heard his Captain's voice barking orders into the phone.
To the switchboard operator to tell him where the call
came from. For men to search the station for unauthorized people.
For so many things, that he finally stopped hearing
the orders at all.
I'm so tired but I can't sleep
Standin' on the edge of something much too deep
It's funny how we feel so much but we cannot
say a word
We are screaming inside, but we can't
be heard
on the phone, directing the search for the man who had made the phone
call. Hutch was surprised to learn that the call
had come from inside the station, from an empty office just down the
hall from the squadroom. Unfortunately by the time
they discovered this little detail, the man was long gone. Dobey
ordered a search of the whole building. The searchers
were to stop and question everyone that didn't seem to belong.
He had also sent officers out onto the street to check
everyone within a block radius. Drastic measures, perhaps, but
the caller had brought the battle onto their turf and they
weren't going to let that pass without a fight.
used. They found that there were no fingerprints on the phone
and the team hadn't found anything else useful.
Resigned, they continued onto Dobey's office where they made an unsettling
discovery. On Dobey's desk, right in the
middle of the files he had been sorting through, lay Starsky's gun,
holster, and harness. Sticking out of the holster was
an envelope, addressed to Hutch. Dobey carefully worked it loose
and, using only a letter opener and the tips of the
fingers of one hand, he pulled the unsealed flap open. Getting
the single sheet of paper out took a little more work, but
finally it lay open on the desk. The message was typewritten
and short.
It's of no use to your partner now, and maybe you'd like to keep it
as a memento.*
forensic team working down the hall to come to his office. He
knew it was probably useless, but he had to follow
procedure.
with the last call left little doubt that the caller meant for them
to believe that Starsky was dead. He still couldn't bring
himself to believe that. He had always thought that he would
know if something were to happen to his partner. Would
feel his passing somehow. To think that his best friend may have
died inches away from him and he not even know it was
impossible. He wouldn't believe it. Not for one minute.
Not until he saw his partner's body for himself. And he prayed
that would never happen.
had said it sounded more like the partners had killed someone close
to the caller than simply arresting someone. They
would have to rethink the approach to the investigation and start over
again. Hutch had a feeling that he knew that voice
from somewhere, but couldn't pin it down. Also, it seemed as
if the man was targeting Hutch himself rather than Starsky
or both of them. That Starsky had simply been the means of getting
to Hutch. That meant that it had to be a case that
only Hutch was involved in. And that would mean going back a
few years to before the two of them had become
partners. It could also mean it had occurred during one of the
rare times that Starsky wasn't there.
have to sit down and figure out the times he'd soloed without him.
Those times had been few and far between. Huggy
and Hutch set to work once again. By nightfall, they had eliminated
most of the cases, narrowing things down to a dozen
or so. Both of them were falling asleep where they sat and Dobey
finally convinced them to go home. A place he was
planning on going himself.
was. Instead, he got a patrol car to drive him. He hated
the thought of going home to that empty apartment, not knowing
if his partner was safe and warm somewhere. But he knew he needed
sleep. He felt muddled and that was no way for a
cop to be. Besides, maybe, just maybe, Starsky would call him
there. Would find a way to get a message to him.
Somehow.
It didn't take long for Hutch to fall asleep, even though his mind
was still racing. His body had simply had enough and
shut down. Hours later, the alarm clock woke him. For a
moment he allowed himself to believe that the previous two days
were all a bad dream and that his partner would be pulling up to the
door in a couple of hours. That life would continue
on the way it always had. That he wasn't waking up to a world
without his best friend in it.
started to avoid Hutch whenever they could. He wandered through
life as if part of him was missing. The anger he had
felt at the beginning of the week had faded to a numb despair.
Huggy became his shadow, even though he was as afraid
as Hutch; he felt the need to be there for the remaining partner.
He owed that much to both of his friends. Huggy made
sure that Hutch ate, that he slept, that he got up in the morning and
showered. He made sure that he dressed in clean
clothes. Mostly he made sure that he kept going.
missed Starsky, the way he'd slouch in his chair, feet up on the desk.
The way he'd wisecrack and drive his Captain
crazy. He even missed the way he always shut the office door
with his foot, something that he knew irked Dobey no end.
Basically, he just missed him.
sudden flares of anger at an injustice, no long tirades about something
or other. All he had left was this silent, pale man
who walked through each day as if he had no reason to go on living.
Dobey's heart broke for him.
he was loath to do for a police officer, especially an undercover officer,
but circumstances forced his hand. None of the
requests to the other divisions in the city had brought any responses,
no reports of unidentified persons showing up in jail
or hospital. No unidentified bodies showing up at any of the
other city morgues. They had to widen the circle of people
watching for the missing man.
avail. He made them promise not to say anything, yet to Starsky's
mother until they more to go on. He didn't want her to
go through the same pain he was until it was absolutely necessary.
and stare at nothing for minutes at a time. He took to wandering
the halls, not speaking to anyone for hours. One day he
disappeared long enough that Dobey got worried and went looking for
him. He found Hutch sitting in the Torino parked in
the police garage. Not doing anything, just sitting there.
Dobey left him alone. Huggy always made sure he got home at
night, because he'd forget to go.
So he would stop hoping. So they all could.