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| Introduction to Proctos |
| The Principia Proctos and Screwism |
| The Principia Proctos is a collection of books that detail the principles of Screwism. Most of us are already familiar with screwism. Murphy was the first to discover and document this pheonomenon although he failed to uncover the source In the words of Proctos, "Whosoever I may screw, I shall. And in so doing visit upon him the most unfortunate and difficult of circumstances." The Principia is a living document. It is not complete, nor will it ever be, and new elements are continually being added. Proctos is a resourcful god and is ever-mindful of finding new ways to inflict himself upon us. |
| Indeed Proctos is a powerful god, virtually omnipotent. Fortunate for us, there are two other gods that aid in our journey through life and keep Proctos from reigning supreme. They are Suertos, the god of good luck, and Vaselentis, the random element. The appearance of one of these gods is usually unmistakable. In a potentially catastrophic situation where Proctos is poised to really give it to you, Suertos may suddenly appear out of nowhere and everything turns out fine. If Suertos doesn't interviene, there is the chance that Vaselentis will smooth the way. The situation may still turn out less than desirable, but at least Vaselentis can keep being screwed from hurting quite as much as it otherwise would have. Suertos and Vaselentis, however, have their own agenda and it's never possible to know for sure when they will appear. But when they do, be very thankful! |
| Good Luck and The Random Element |
| The Minions of Proctos |
| Proctos is a busy god. So many people to screw, so little time. Proctos generally reserves his own appearance for the really nasty jobs; those catastrophic events that ruin one's life. But he also enjoys annoying anyone at anytime and opportunity he has. So he has sent forth his minions to take care of the little day-to-day screwings that happen to all of us. Things like traffic lights turning red when you're in a hurry, or when playing a game the dice just won't give you what you need to win. As God has angels and Satan has demons, Proctos has pricks. Pricks are not particularly powerful, but they do make life aggravating. Much like hemorrhoids. |