It all began on a bright sunny day… I was minding my own business when my wife excitedly offered me a proposition… “Hey, you wanna go skating!!!”  Well, it wasn’t “exactly” what I had in mind.  I looked around to find her being strapped into a pair of black shoes with wheels on them by her best friend’s husband, and quickly responded with an enthusiastic “No!”  My mind had immediately registered skating with kids, and at the youthful age of 45, the thought of constantly falling over and over again was tangled with the expectation of pain and breaking bones; in particular my own!  Having declined from the invitation I walked away thinking to myself, “she won’t stick with this after a fall or two anyway, so why should I get hurt too! Besides, somebody has got to be able to drive from the hospital and it may as well be me!” 

Later, as I sat to watch a video of her being escorted around the rink with a big smile of excitement on her face, I began to reconsider my initial “enthusiastic” response.  I thought to myself, “I’ll never hear the end of this if she gets it down… besides… it does look like it could be fun… and I have done it before. Okay, I was 16 or so but it can’t be that hard to do again… after all, I do have great balance and I can… just do it!”  I would realize later on that this train of thought would be my first mistake in the art of skating.

So after swallowing my pride and rendering about 15 to 30 minutes of groveling to change my position on the subject, I was “allowed” to go to the rink, and entered my first skating session at the Landmark Skating Rink in Pensacola, Florida. It was a Saturday morning at 10:00am. There were no other witnesses… I mean skaters, to witness my introduction to learning the meaning of the old adage "a fish out of water”. 

As I strapped on the old skates that had probably been used to teach skaters before I was born, I watched our friends’ two children easily gliding around the rink. My wife was then escorted to the rink for her walk around to adjust to the skates. I was offered a helping hand too, but the “macho” side of my brain quickly engaged my mouth and said “I got it, just help her!” So, I stood up and waddled like a professional to the rink and took my first step forward. I suddenly felt my upper body lurching backwards as my lower body tried to go forward and yank the rest of me with it! I quickly invented a shuffle step that would have been the envy of all skaters (if I could remember what I did!) and began sailing forward! If you ever saw Jackie Chan’s “Drunken Monkey” routine, then you can understand the spectacle I presented as I was sailing along, out of control… and the turn was rapidly approaching.

   Now the speed that the brain can send a message to any part of the body and have it react is like the speed of sound but faster… unfortunately for me that wasn’t as fast as the turn which was approaching me. As my feet attempted to engage the instructions sent by my brain, the rest of my body just missed the message entirely, and I suddenly found my lower body raising upward as my upper body went back and downward. Now, if you’ve never seen the sight of the Landmark snack bar from between your legs, while in flight with your feet and hands pointed straight to the ceiling, then you have truly missed a memorable experience in your life. I also suddenly became aware that the ceiling could use a paint job, but lost track of this train of thought as I quickly shifted into the experience of going down.

   I must admit I used to wonder what it felt like when wrestlers would be slammed to the mat. Well, the mat gives for a wrestler… skating rinks are not this kind to first time “slammers on the mound”!!! Needless to say, I have never had so much oxygen rush out of my body instead of sticking around to help me out… even my scream leaped out of me at impact to let me know it didn’t appreciate me treating my body like this. As I lay there with my feet seemingly suspended in midair, I was keenly aware of the wheels spinning on my skates as if to say to me… “you ready to go or what!”  

   The battle was on at this point… that is, after my oxygen and voice decided to come back and help me up!   

As I lay there watching the “four” kids skating by upside down, I thought to myself “where did those other two come from and why are they upside down?” It was then that my brain made a simple statement that would set the stage for further adventures into the land of skating… “ We ain’t going out like this!!!!” I should have known that this would mean more variations of my “fish out of water” routine, but it didn’t seem to matter. So I slowly got up and steadied myself as the quivering in my legs subsided.  It wasn’t easy prying my hands off the handrail, but after 10 minutes of hard work I succeeded to the disappointment of my legs… and experienced my second fall!

Now I must say that the second fall was vastly different from the first one. This one resulted from my legs trying to keep down low on my feet as they were rolling forward… and forgetting about taking my upper body along for the ride too.  Recognizing that my upper body had no choice but to go where my legs and feet took it, I realized my full body was going into a slide. As my legs once again went up towards the ceiling, I fearlessly prepared myself for impact.

   The fall wasn’t so bad this time. Opening my eyes, I realized I had come to a stop just short of the wall by the rink entry point. I tried to play it off as I saw a little girl standing there in her skates… but she knew it wasn’t a new skate maneuver as she asked me “are you okay?” Assuring her I was fine and felt no pain, I aggressively gritted my teeth in agony, as she glided off.

    I knew at this point that just as I had to learn to crawl before I could stand, and walk before I could run, balance and controlled motion were important to learn to skate.

Although there would be many other falls, I found the formula for learning to skate was as simple as DDPF-37!!!  Dedication, Determination, Patience & Falling- 3 weeks, 7 sessions!  Make up your mind after you try it one time and experience a few falls. If you still feel that desire to learn, stick to it and be patient with each session. Be consistent in skating at least 2 sessions per week for three weeks, and by the seventh session you should be able to at least stay up on the skates and move on your own with ease. Don’t depend on others to constantly walk you around the rink after the first session. Find a place where you can work on improving your abilities in some way with each session.

   I found my dedication to learn more intense when I spent $80.00 on my own pair of skates after the second session. I knew at this point that it was learn or be prepared to wear my new “skate” shoes to work when my work shoes wore out. You see, my wife wouldn’t let me buy any other shoes if I didn’t learn to skate after spending money on them! She is truly a great motivator!

   Finally, recognize and accept the fact that falling is an intricate part of skating, especially when you are a beginner. However, the more you skate, the better you get, the less you fall!!! If you aren’t able to make it around on your own without falling at least twice by the seventh session…then maybe you should try something else… like Inline Skating!!!! See ya at the rink!!!