| Blonde Rancher |
| Blonde Puzzle |
| Blind Blonde |
| A Blonde Man Joke |
| Blonde Girl |
| Another Blonde Joke |
Two
sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately,
after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep
the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that
they can breed their own stock. The brunette balances their chequebook, then
takes their last $600 dollars out west to another ranch where a man has a
prize bull for sale.
Upon leaving, she tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to
buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home."
The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides
she does want to buy it. The man tells her that he can sell it for $599, no
less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister
a telegram to tell her the news.
She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram
to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need
her to hitch the trailer to our pick-up truck and drive out here so we can
haul it home."
The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds,
"It's just 99 cents a word."
Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realises
that she'll only be able to send her sister
one word. After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, "I want
you to send her the word, 'comfortable'."
The telegraph operator shakes his head.
"How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer
to your pick-up truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch
if you send her the word, 'comfortable'?"
The brunette explains, "My sister's blonde. She'll read it slow."
A blonde calls
her boyfriend on the phone with a problem. "What's the matter?"
he asks.
"Well, I've bought this jigsaw puzzle, but it's too hard. None
of the pieces fit together and I can't find any edges." "What's
the picture of?" he asks.
"It's of a big rooster," she replies.
"All right," he says, "I'll come over and have a look."
When he arrives, she thanks him for coming over and leads him over to the
kitchen table where she has it laid out. He takes one look at what she's
been struggling with and says, "Oh, for fuck sakes, put the cornflakes
back in the box!"
A blind
guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"
In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke,
you should know something. Our bartender is blonde and the bouncer is blonde.
I'm a 6' tall, 200-pound black belt veteran of the Special Forces. The
guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225 and he's a rugby player.
The fella to your right is 6'5", pushing 300 pounds and he's a
wrestler. Each one of us is blonde. Think about it, mister. You still wanna
tell that joke?"
Blonde Girl
The blind guy thinks for a moment and replies, "Nah, not if I'm gonna
have to explain it five times."
An Irishman, a Mexican and a blonde guy were doing construction work on scaffolding
on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said,
"Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and
cabbage one more time for lunch I'm going to jump off this building."
The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get
burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too."
The blonde opened his lunch and said, "Bologna again. If I get a bologna
sandwich one more time I'm jumping too."
Next day the Irishman opens his lunch box, sees corned beef and cabbage and
jumps to his death. The Mexican opens his lunch, sees a burrito and jumps too.
The blonde opens his lunch, sees the bologna and jumps to his death also.
At the funeral the Irishman's wife is weeping. She says, "If I'd
known how
really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage never would have given it to
him again!
The Mexican's wife also weeps and says, "I could have given him tacos
or
enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much."
Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife. "Hey, don't look
at me"
she said. "He makes his own lunch."
A depressed young blonde woman was so desperate that she decided to end her
life by throwing herself into Auckland Harbour. When she went down to the
docks, a handsome young sailor noticed her tears, took pity on her, and said:
"Look, you've got a
lot to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I
can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you
food every day."
Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added, "I'll
keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy."
The blonde nodded 'yes.' After all, what did she have to lose?
That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a life-boat.
From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit,
and they made passionate love until dawn. Three weeks later, during a routine
search, she was discovered by the captain.
"What are you doing here?" the Captain asked.
"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she explained.
"He's taking me to Europe, and he's screwing me."
"He sure is, lady," said the Captain. "This is the Devonport
ferry."
Another
Blonde Joke
A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer.
She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow
$5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for
such a loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce parked
on the street in front of the bank. Everything checks out, and the bank agrees
to accept the car as collateral for the loan. An employee drives the Rolls
into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the
blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.
The loan officer says, "We are very happy to have had your business, and this
transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While
you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire.
What puzzles us is why would you bother to borrow $5,000?" The blonde replied,
"Where else in New York can I park my car for two weeks for 15 bucks?"
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