CORK POPPED OFF!

Dominic Cork, has failed to be picked by England selectors for the tour of the West Indies. To some, this would be considered a setback, but to old Corkie as he's affectionately known (*1) this is a chance to sit back and relax, his first winter without cricket.

"How much do you get on the dole?" he has been reported as saying. Of course, this is a joke as the young chap has a number of part time jobs, including those of windowcleaner and paperboy. (*2)

He had this to say, however, about life in the team (*3)

"Life in the team is pure hell. Every minute of the day, they're there, making fun of my name. They use all the old jokes ; ' hope he hasn't popped too soon', 'oh no, that delievery was corked' - to tell the truth, I'm glad I've not been picked . I can spend the time with those I love, the Soaps."

Having imparted that little known fact onto us, he started remenissing of the good old days of the eighties, when Dalas and Dynasty were always on the BBC. Of all those old storylines. How the soaps of today failed totally to measure up. Of course, once he started, there was no stopping him, so we couldn't probe any further into his relationship with the selectors.

Frankie goes to Hollywood!

Champion Jockey, Frankie Dettori, is rumoured to have a staring role in the film "My life, the horse." We spoke to him after his win at Bath on Monday. He commented on the film industry in general, and how he had always longed to star in a film. When asked about the plot, he went all coy and said simply "I ride a horse, I winckey, Frankie Dettori, is rumoured to have a staring role in the film "My life, the horse." We spoke to him after his win at Bath on Monday. He commented on the film industry in general, and how he had always longed to star in a film. When asked about the plot, he went all coy and said simply "I ride a horse, I win some races, I bed the bird with the huge tracts of land"

So, we wondered, with him being lured of to the bright lights of cinematic glory, would we ever see him racing atop a horse every again.

"It is always really great to be back riding winners" he beamed.(*4)

(*1) Well, he might be affectionately known as Corkie. Alternately he might loath it.

(*2) , (*3) This of course, is totally made up and any bearing on the truth is totally coincidental.

(*4) With the exception of the win at bath, this story is entirely fictional, unless of course, you know better.