HT:Sport!

Steve Collins Calls it a day!

On Thursday (2nd Oct) Steve Collins called it a day. He said

"Thursday,I never could get the hang of Thursdays... I think I'll just call it a day"

When asked why he was to do this, he just shrugged and claimed that life is full of excrement, when you look at it, and walked out of the press conference.

We think that it is good, that a Boxer knows enough, that a day, is clearly a day... a week, is clearly a week... a month is clearly a month - and so on. We feel that Steve is making the right decision here - it is always best to leave the ring whilst you are still sure of the important things in life.

The WBO Supermiddleweight had only one regret.

"You know that bit in Rocky 5, where he runs all the way up them steps... Then he jumps in the air when he reaches the top... Then he goes and beats up the russian... I just wish that I, once, could have done that. I do have, after all, the eye of the tiger."

Of course, we spoke to that tiger, and he had this to say

"I want my eye back... Now"

Alternate Job for Pleat?

After Sheffield Wednesday's 4 - 3 defeat by Grimsby (who are they) Town, David Pleat's future as Wednesday's boss looks more and more uncertain. This defeat sees them tumbling head over heals out of the Coco-Cola cup.

When we spoke to Pleat, he had this to say

"It's not my fault. The cup is way too small for two football teams to fit easilly inside at anyone time. In fact, I'd go as far as to say that it was inevitable that one team would fall out, I'm just sorry it was mine."

We asked him about the rumours of him leaving Wednesday - or being pushed , although he refused to comment on the speculation that he was planning to leave to become something big in skirts.

Branston Hunts Al!

Yes, Alan Hunte is being ironically hunted by a jar of sweet pickle. The jar in question is rumoured to be 100 foot tall and have a keen interest in horse racing. Our source in the street says that dyxlexia never stopped him from reading the papers.

Eubank is bach... and this time, It's musical!

Everybody's favourite boxer, Chris Eubank is rumoured to be replacing Frank Bruno in panto this year. This comes on top of Eubank's return to boxing - with him making an attempt for the WBO Supermiddleweight - of course, this is hampered by Steve Collins' retirement. When we spoke to Chris, he had this to say

"Putt-em-up! Putt-em-up! Let-me-att-em! Let-me-att-em! I'll Pulverise him! I'll grind him into dust! I'll make fishpaste out of him! I'll .... Mmmmm Fishpaste..."

As you can see, he was raring for a fight - and were it not for the steel cage that Eubank was being carried around in, our reporter would not have made it back alive...

Ballesteros calls it a day

Having just lifted the Ryder Cup proudly above his head, Seve Ballesteros said

"Today is Monday, I never could get the hang of Mondays..."

which, less than five days later, boxer Collins was saying exactly the same thing - which could explain any sense of deja vu. Yes, Seve is calling it a day - no more to being skipper of the European team. He has well and truely hung up his skipping rope and decided to concentrait his efforts more to the golf course. And Bully to him we say. Bully!

Scumacher 0 Schumacher 0

In formula one this weekend, a clear display of brotherly love was seen when Ralf collided with ex-world champion Michael on the first lap. What can we say, but, hah! Michael publically refused to blame his younger brother - pointing the finger more at Fisichella, Ralf's Jorden co-driver.

The race was eventually won by Villeneuve (Yay!) but only after unreliability put almost-race winners Coulthard and Hakkinen out of the race (which is a shame... no, really, it is. I'm being sincere here!)

Wood's Whipped by Monty!

Colin Montgomerie sent world champion Tiger Woods home crying his eyes out. After Colin gained the vital half-point that meant the Europe won the Ryder Cup, Tiger blamed the lack of his mom and dad for his poor-to-average gameplaying... and he did this a little too often for Colin's liking.

"There is more to golf than Tiger Woods and I'm sick of talking about him"

So are the rest of us Colin, so are the rest of us.

Lewis Loves Bruno... or does he?

Lennox Lewis has decided that he doesn't like Frank. He hates him, know what I mean (Harry)? He hates the way he speaks, acts, and the fact that he had a role in the spice girls movie, whereas Lewis could only get a small vol-au-vont! Lennox reveals all in his biography, which is released next week.