The Hammer
    The man didn't like being in jail. The jail he was in has to be the most 
 boring jail in the world. The most boring. Anyone who knows anything 
 about life in jail knows that jails are not exciting. At all. Well 
 now looking at these facts even a half-blind dog from Madagascar could 
 see that the man's life was extremely boring. 
  His daily routine went something like this : 6:59 am: The man was
 awakened by a young, overbearing guard with a handlebar mustache and a
 watch that was precisely one minute fast. 7:04 am: The man was ushered,
 along with several other inmates, to a breakfast of stale toast, bad
 (insert main dish here), and warm orange juice that had far too much
 pulp in it. 7:34 am: The man was ushered to the shower area and allowed
 a luke-warm shower. 7:59 am: The man was given a new uniform and
 ushered back to his cell where he spent the next 9 hr's and 26 minutes
 either staring at the walls, counting the dots on the ceiling (there
 are 9463.8 if you must know) or conversing with his cell mate, a man
 who had refused to pay his speeding fine claiming that his speedometer
 is 30 mph off (actually it was 40 mph off but the judge didn't buy it).
 The speeder was usually pleasant enough unless it was between the hr's
 of 6:59 am and 10:00 pm. During these hours he was the worst cell mate
 a guy could hope for. He was loud, rude, obnoxious, and generally not a
 nice guy. But I digress. 
 5:30 pm (The guard with the bad watch was gone) The man is ushered to supper
 (lunch doesn't exist) and served a meal of luke-warm (insert main dish here)
 and day old bread with somewhat cold milk. 6:00 pm: The man is returned to
 his cell and repeats the morning routine. 10:00 pm: The guard announces
 lights out and then the lights go out. 10:15 pm: The man falls asleep. This
 continued for his entire sentence.  
    Then one day he was brought before the judge. "So telephone wrecker" the
 judge said "Your sentence is up eh? Well we'll get you out of here just as
 soon as we can. First I want to talk to you in private. The judge ,who if
 you'll recall looks like a Norse God, led the man to his chambers and closed
 the door. "So tell me where did you get this?" the judge said indicating it.
 The Hammer. "I well got it at the hardware store sir." "Which hardware store?
 " " The Used Saws etc. hardware store." "How much did you pay for it?" "5 or
 6 dollars." "Well" the judge said "5 or 6 dollars. The most powerful hammer
 in the world and some used hardware store sells it to a large office worker
 for 5 or 6 dollars. It would serve them right if I sent a thunderbolt down to
 smite them " "Sir?" the man said. "Yes I know that would be a little extreme.
 After all they probably didn't know that the hammer was actually Mjolnir."
 "Mjolnir? Wait that would make you..." "Thor? Yeah that's right I'm Thor. The
 Norse God of Thunder. So what? Does that mean I can't have a normal life?
 Just because I'm a god doesn't mean I can't have a job like everyone else
 does it? " "Well I ..." "No of course not." Thor then went into a long boring
 speech about his duty to humanity or something like that (I wasn't paying
 much attention). "Well I guess you can go now. Show this to the guard." So
 the man left the chambers with the hammer which he showed to the guard. He
 then went home and slept until 6:59 am the next morning (old habits die
 hard..) at which point he got up, said hello to the burglar that was...wait I
 already used that bit. Sorry let's try this again. He got up, had breakfast
 and took a shower. By now it was 7:59 am. The man then went out to get his
 paper and as he opened the door, a cat jumped into his house. The man
 shrugged, (he always wanted a cat) picked up the paper and went back inside
 and read for a while. The cat purred like it was special. (It was but (you
 guessed it) that's another story) He then fed the cat and left for work in
 his large red convertible with blue trim and white sidewalls. The man got to
 work and was greeted by his secretary who informed him that he was fired and
 should clean out his desk. "Fired?" the man asked, "Why?" The secretary
 handed him a paper which read :George, Sorry but due to your recent criminal
 activities this company can no longer employ you. Effective immediately you
 are terminated. Clean out your desk and leave. Sorry.
   The man was devastated. He didn't expect to be fired. His crime was only a
 gross misdemeanor not a felony! He immediately went to Mr. Hutchins office
 and knocked on the door. "Come in" the man did "Oh George I'm really sorry
 about..." "You fired me?!!? You fired me just because I hit a phone with a
 hammer and took the quarter that the phone ate?!!? I demand an
 explanation!!!!" "I'm sorry George I didn't want to fire you but the board of
 directors just instituted the policy 1 day before you were convicted. I had
 no choice." The man left, cleaned out his desk and went home to look through
 the want ads. The man looked and looked. Finally he found one that read:
 Security guard needed. No experience necessary. Great Benefits. Get to carry
 nightstick. $12.00 starting pay inquire at 555-1234. So the man did. They
 decided to hire him starting immediately. So the man had a job. The next day
 he got up went through his normal routine until 12:45 pm when he left for
 work. When he got there he was given the following his nightstick, lots of
 keys (one of which was marked: Door) a jacket, badge and these instructions
 :Stand outside the door until your replacement arrives at 9:00 eat here.
 Check the list for visitors don't let anyone not on the list in and let no
 one in without I.D. Have a nice day. The man stood and guarded the building
 until 9:00 pm. He then went home and parked his large red convertible with
 blue trim and white sidewalls. The man then noticed the following 1. The
 Hammer was gone in its place was the following note : George :I took the
 Hammer and went back to Asgard. Disregard previous speech about duty to
 humanity or something like that. Bye. P.S. I fed the cat. Take good care of
 Beth (The cat's name is Beth) for me. Thor.

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