Vladimir

Born in 1986 in Colorado in early February (Aquarius). Died November 29, 1998.

 

If I Were A Human I'd Be . . . . . . homosexual, intellectual, brooding, a mama's boy, a Jewish Russian philosopher and physicist, highly intelligent, maybe a nerd, angry, evil, demon possessed, insane, fat.   Things I Love Food; puking; aligning small objects such as bottle caps and then swatting them in order to study physics and bio-dynamics which is supposed to be beyond cats; beating up Natasha; sitting on Ann's lap while she's trying to make art.   Things I Hate Duh....canines, as a species, should systematically elimated.   The Scariest Time in My Life (at least for my humans) I was living in Colorado in 1989 on Grant Street (still my favorite place) and I was really fat and happy. Then, my humans started putting all my stuff in boxes. One day some people came in a big truck and took all my furniture (even my favorite chair!). This really stressed me out, and I also developed a problem peeing at the same time this was all happening. My humans took me to the vet where he squeezed my bladder. It really hurt, and then they put me on a special diet. Ann and Stan said I had "Kitty Crystals." Not only that, but they put Natasha and I in the same box they take us to the vet in, put us in Ann's car and drove really far for what seemed like forever. We had to stay in two strange tiny rooms for two nights. I felt horrible...I thought I was going to die. Then we arrived at this empty flat with this bully neighbor cat who lived upstairs. Ann and Stan slept on the floor for several nights, because they didn't have my bed. Fortunately, my kitty crystals were clearing up and I was getting used to the new Boring Tasting Science Diet For Fatsos. I didn't like the set-up much; they kept my litter pan in the bathroom. I liked it before at Grant Street when it was in the basement and didn't have to share it with the human's toilet and shower. Then one day, the same people in the big truck who took my furniture away about a week ago back in Colorado, came and delivered all the furniture back to me! I guess they felt guilty or something. I still didn't like living there--the neighbor cat tried to break in the windows to kill me once, but at least my health cleared up. And about a year later, Ann and Stan took me to yet another different place, the same place that I've lived for 7 years now. It's almost as good as Grant Street (except now I have to share it with two dogs)...and I have a basement for my litter pan.
Stupid Names my Humans Call Me Schmooter Moopy Smaft Schmooterman Bob Dole Smafter-head Vladimir Schmooterman Evil Cat Smafter Bad Cat Evil Smafter Wafter Bob Cat Smaftulater Warfter

E-mail me at vladimir@ann-s-thesia.com

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