2. He screams "Yeehaa," as he turns the boat away from the dock and pushes the throttle forward.

3. He thinks it's an asset that he can drive so fast that he gets the boat completely out of the water.

4. It takes him two hours and twenty-five minutes to reach your fishing destination on a five hour charter.

5. He can't stop laughing when he realizes that his brother the Sheriff gave you a speeding ticket on your way to his boat, and says nothing about getting the ticket cancelled.

6. He casually tells you that on days he can't get a charter he's a delivery driver for Pizza Hut.

7. He goes on for hours about how boats are safer than cars, but only because there are less vehicles directly next to one to hit. He runs aground three times during this oration.

8. He goes on for hours about his alien abduction experiences, with much detail given to the tests they supposedly performed on him.

9. The other fishing guides hold up protective religious icons as he passes by.

10. At the end of the day's catchless fishing, he begs you to allow him to use your name as a reference, because none of his other 110 charters would.

c 1997 Sandy Lindsey

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