The Curmudgeon -

The Curmudgeon -- (mid-August, 1998)

The Great American Rip-Off!

(Only one of Far-Too-Many!)

Ok! When did personal banking become such an adversarial relationship? It used to be when I put $100 in my bank, I could anticipate taking $100 out of my bank -- and could plan on it's being there whether I retrieved it all at once or meeted it out bit by piece in the form of checks. No more! Now when I put $100 in my bank, I have no idea how much it will actually translate to when I attempt to retrieve it. Maybe $99? $98? $94? $80? And you can be quite certain the bank will conveniently be precluded from telling me -- for "security" reasons -- except by snail-mail.

So, while the bank has the wonderful advantage of my money, and their policies, and their time-tables, I am left wondering what is going on; until they conveniently bebit my account further for any number of "fees" -- $1.50 "counter fee" (if I actually have the temerity to "bother" one of their tellers in person), an "electronic debit fee" (amount not clear) when I use anything other than the "counter fee" route, to insufficient funds "coverage charge" for paying through an item against my account (which no longer has my $100 in it because of the above) to a different (and Higher) "returned item fee" for items NOT paid because of the above!

Excuse me! This is a whole lot like playing a football game where every down begins at MY goal-line! All the bank has to do is twitch to score, while I have to play alone, attempting to run a fresh 100 yards each time I touch the ball! (The sports metaphore is for the benefit of nearly all Americans who seemingly understand little else or find little else to be of interest!)

And when someone gives ME a check? If the check is written in the amout of $75, I can be pretty much assured that it's really only worth $72 or $73 dollars by the time I actually manage to convert it to cash. For all my clients out there -- Please note that as of this date all of my invoices will be submitted with a $20 "Misc. Bank Fees" surcharge. (Sorry, folks! That's what happens when too many people refuse to stand up for what is right and ignore what is wrong. If you, without complaint, pay these outrageous fees and penalties when working through the American Banking system... YOU ARE TO BLAME!) If you use ATM machines and punch the "agree" button, you are feeding the fire! And, you may not realize that not only is the "participating bank" charging you (that's the "agree" part) but that YOUR OWN BANK may be charging you as well for using someone else's ATM system!! Talk about reasonable! Thus, if you plan to withdraw $10 (well, now most machines don't bother with anything less than multiples of $20) it can actually end up costing up to $25! That's $5 "service charge" on $20! Nice return, eh?

Now I realize that this is a bit of an oxymoron, but ARE there any "Good Banks" out there any more????

Yeah, Right!!

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