I have questions. Like any thinking person, I have questions. Questions about the nature of God, about spirituality, about religion...I do have questions.

And I've been looking for answers since I was a child.

At first, I sought them through formal religion--Catholicism as a child (I inherited that from my parents) and then various denominations of Protestantism as a teen-ager and young adult. Then I dropped all religions and sought the answers outside religion and inside myself.

It wasn't until I became a parent--some 10 years ago--that I really started questioning the dogma that I had been handed about the nature of God and my relationship to God. And what I found was that I could no longer continue to believe what I had been taught because it just didn't make sense to me any longer.

The God of my youth was a vengeful spirit who stacked the deck against me by making me human--failable and imperfect--and then kept careful track of how often I failed to measure up. This God of my younger days gave me one way out of the sorry state I was in: to profess that I had been saved by the blood and sacrifice of His son, Jesus Christ, or spend eternity in Hell separated from Him.

But then, as I said, I became a parent and I realized that the God of my youth was no better a person, and in some instances, not even as good, as I was. And that's when I knew in my heart that the idea of God that I had grown up with could no longer serve me. For along with the ideas that I had been given, I also knew that if there is a Divine Intelligence in charge of the universe, and I do believe there must be as the thought that the universe could be created by mindless happenstance and coincidence is even more incredible than I, who holds a myriad of fantastic beliefs, can swallow, then It must truly be a Great Spirit, a Supreme Being, someone much, much greater than myself.

I remember reading somewhere that "man made God in his image". And I suppose that that is what I have done. Working backward from my relationship with my son, I've postulated some ideas about God's relationship with me--and vice versa.

I could not understand, for example, why, if a person lives for only 70 years or so, that God would make him pay for his wrongdoings, not for 70 years, or 700 years, but throughtout the rest of eternity. I knew that I wouldn't do that with my son. And if he were exiled from me forever, I would grieve for the rest of eternity over the separation. Why wouldn't God miss me, if I were separated from Him for eternity?

And if my son makes a mistake, I don't give him only one chance to make it right...and I certainly don't make it right for him--how would he ever grow and learn? Why should he even try? So, why would God act that way towards me?

If I, imperfect parent that I am, can forgive my son for his wrongs, why would a Supreme Being keep account of mine?

If I can allow my child to try several ways to solve a problem, why would God insist that there be only "one way" for me to do this?

If my son came to me and said, "I did something wrong. I didn't know it was wrong then, but I see now that I made a mistake", then wouldn't I still forgive him? Of course, I would. What would be important to me was that he did become aware of where he might have done things differently. Why would God say to me, "Opps, sorry, kid, you weren't instantly aware of your wrongdoings so now you gotta pay."

And what I found  when I looked in my heart was the assurance that God wouldn't do these things...not my God, my Mother/God, Father/God, Eternal Lover/ LovingParent/Divine Intelligence/Supreme Being/Great Spirit God. When I looked inside to discover the nature of God, I discovered that God truly is Love. Now, I know that any number of religions proclaim this truth but with few exceptions, they don't act as if they really believe it.

A God Who keeps a tally of wrongdoings is not a God of Love. A God Who insists on doing things one way is not a God of Love. (My two favorite quotes from the Christian bible: God is Love--I Jn 4:8  and Love does not insist on its own way--I Cor. 13:5 RSV)

But my God is a God of Light and Love. And out of this Light and out of this Love, the me of me was created. The Spark that is me and the Spark that is God call to each other, long for each other.

This God has no need to keep a record of my wrongdoings because Love will allow me to keep working on things until I am pleased with the results. I can have as many chances as I need. I can try as many paths as I like. I will not be penalized if any of my awarenesses occur after the death of my physical body.

I've heard it said that man has a God-shaped hole in his heart. Well, I believe also that God has a Cat-shaped hole in His heart. You have heard it said, "From dust you were, to dust will you return." I believe that "Light I am, and to Light will I return." Ultimately, I cannot fail in this.

One day, I will be restored to God. I will go Home and when I do, God/my Father, God/my Mother, God/ my Lover and Eternally Loving Parent, will welcome me. And in that moment, I will know, once again, that I'd never really left.


This was a sermon that I gave to my church in 1991. These beliefs still resonate within me.

Recently, my life has been greatly influenced by Conversations With God, a series of books by Neale Donald Walsch which are filled with ideas similar to the ones I've outlined above.

If you'd like more information about these books and local study groups,
contact: www.conversationswithgod.org.

To check out the Suggestions for Weekly Readings for the Conversations With God books, click here.

If you are in need of a lift, continue on to my Warm Fuzzy Pages.

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