For Scott

When I held your hand, so limp and weak,

A shock ran through my body.

The flood of other loved ones, other times

Coursing through me like some spiritual sunami.

But those were other vessels, pale and fading,

Ravaged by illness and fatigue

And the long years of this mortal exercise.

Your body, so young and perfect,

Seemed so out of place silhouetted against the rough, white sheets

And I wondered how such a strong, flawless shell

Had failed to protect your fragile heart.

Did you really think it was enough?

Twenty-four summers of baseball and drive-ins are only the beginning,

The short prelude to now, where everything is just beginning for you.

I chanted the words over and over in my mind,

Willing you to somehow hear them,

But when you opened your eyes and looked at me,

I lost the power of speech

And could only mouth the words, "I love you."

I don't know whether it was the feeble attempt at a smile

that lifted the corner of your bruised and broken mouth

Or the slight pressure of your fingers around mine

That made me call for your mother.

You looked at everyone individually,

As if to say hello for the first time

And I had to wonder why you'd never thought to say goodbye.

I thought about the picture I'd seen in your bedroom -

You, in a uniform, holding the "game ball",

Your parents' perfect boy, flushed with the thrill of victory

And I felt, for the first time in days,