Thank you, Sincerely,
Waldrop E. Sprout
East Tubercle, PA
Dear Mr. Sprout,
First
of all, I suggest turning off the light bulb. That should solve the moth problem. And
you'll find darkness more conducive to sleeping. Now it’s obvious that you're a
coffee lover, like me. As far as I'm concerned, I see no need to give it
up or even switch to decaf like the other "experts" may suggest. My philosophy
is "if it isn't going to feel like coffee when you drink it why bother?"
Instead try this. Have you ever been just so bored you can barely keep
awake? Think back. Perhaps it was during geometry class in school, or sitting
in a hot church listening to a sermon, or watching a documentary on 5th
century Mayan pottery making. You get my drift. Whatever you can recall
that made you drowsy you must key in on. Then, as you lie in bed, (in the
dark), imagine yourself in this situation again. Force yourself to
relive second by second that painfully boring situation attempting at the
same time to stay fully awake. Within minutes you'll be fighting the urge
to sleep, at which point you'll soon drift off into lala land. Its that
easy. And then to cap off the problem, literally, you’ll need to add some
of the extra, super-absorbent Depends to your shopping list. Now go pour
yourself a large cup of coffee…(and add a little sugar to sweeten those
dreams!)