Positively Speaking

Persistence is . . . a peanut butter and jelly sandwich

by Peggie Kirkland

When my daughter, Olithea, was three years old, she developed the habit of never going to bed without a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Needless to say, since I was the one who had to make the sandwiches every night, I was eager to break this habit that had formed under my very noise, and obviously, with my blessing. Our conversations would sound something like this:

Olithea: "Mommy, may I have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich before I go to bed?"
Mom: "No. Not tonight."
Olithea: "Why mommy?"
Mom: "Because it's too late"
Olithea: "What time is it?"
Mom: "Time for you to go to bed!"
Olithea: "But, I need it so I can sleep."
Mom: "You ate dinner a little while ago."
Olithea: "But I'm still hungry. I'm still hungry, mom."
Mom: "That's impossible!" Then, (starting to list the meal) "You had . . . "
(Olithea retreats momentarily before returning.)
Olithea: "Mom, I promise this is the last night."
Mom: "And I'm saying not tonight."
(Pause)
Olithea: (pointing to her left eye) "Look, mom. I have a tear."
Mom: "That's very sad."
Olithea: (pause) "Mom, I'm begging you. I'm begging you on my knees."
Mom: "You don't have to get on your knees."
Olithea: "So, you're going to give it to me?"
Mom: (pausing) "I said . . . "
Olithea "Oh, please mom. Please. Please. Please . . . sweetie."
Mom: (silence, then . . . )
"Get the bread."

How is it that, as adults, we lose the peanut butter and jelly persistence, and dogged determination to accomplish our goals? Why do we give up so easily when we have difficulty, or when we encounter the stumbling blocks that pave the road to success? It is because we fail to recognize the fact that persistence is neither innate nor hereditary; we do not come into the world with it, and we do not inherit it from our parents. Persistence is a state of mind that we have to develop. It is the result of a consistent and continuous dedication to persevering until we succeed, and the operative words here are consistent and continuous.

Persistence is a trait that is crucial to our success as adults. Yet, some of us are swift to abandon ship at the first hint of an impending storm. We say that we want to accomplish certain goals, but we are unwilling to face the concomitant challenges. Even though the good news is that we do not have to beg, or grovel the way young children do, to get what we want. We still have to negotiate and navigate our way around the hurdles of life.

Children understand that if they try hard enough, and badger anyone long enough, they will eventually get what they want. They even understand that sometimes they have to vary the strategies. And they do. If we think back, we'll remember that we did the same things our children did, and we were also successful in obtaining our wishes. In fact, we probably worked longer and harder at our negotiating strategies because our parents were not as willing to comply then, as we are today. This realization leads me to conclude that what we need to do, is to recapture the peanut butter and jelly portions of our lives, and put them to work for us once again.

THE BOTTOM LINE

To accomplish our goals we need to, like our children, give ourselves time to regroup, to rethink, and to formulate new strategies for getting what we want. Psychology of Achievement experts say that there are many factors that can influence the development of the habit of persistence. However, the following four factors are among the most vital: * A clear and concise understand of what you want. *A burning desire to get what you want. * A belief that you can accomplish successfully any goal you set for yourself. *Repetition. Doing the same thing over and over again until you get it right in spite of many failed attempts.

Each of these factors plays an important role in the final outcome. So, once we have assessed the situation, and determined that we have a goal that we feel strongly about achieving, we need to adopt a peanut butter and jelly attitude, and not quit until we have our sandwich.

Affirmation: I will not quit until I have my sandwich.

Peggie Kirkland is a teacher/adjunct lecturer, writer, cable T.V. talk show host and motivational speaker.

Copyright © 1996, 1997 Peggie Kirkland All Rights Reserved

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