gettingold


								26 clues so you'll know when you're officially OLD! 1 You leave gigs before the encore to 'beat the rush' 2 You stop dreaming of one day becoming a professional footballer and start dreaming of a son who might 3 Before throwing the local paper away you look through the property section 4 You start to prefer Gardening Australia to The Pepsi Chart because at least it's 'educational viewing' 5 All of a sudden Tony Blair is not 46 but "only 46" 6 Before going out anywhere you will ask what the parkings like 7 Flicking through a magazine makes you tired 8 You complain that Ecstasy's "not as pure as it used to be" because you remember the days when it was launched, hell, you were in the middle of all that 9 Rather then throwing out that old pair of trainers you keep them because they'll be alright for the garden 10 You buy your first ever t-shirt without anything written on it 11 Instead of laughing at the gadgits catalogue that falls out of the newspaper, you suddenly see both the benefit and money- saving properties of a plastic winter cover for your garden bench and an electric mole repellent for the lawn. 12 You start to worry about your parents health 13 Sure, you have more disposable income but everything you want costs between $400 and $1000 14 You don't get funny looks when you buy a Disney video or Wallace & Gromit bubble bath cos the asssistent assumes they're for your child 15 Pop music starts to sound crap (although it really is at the moment) 16 You become pwerless to resist the lure of self-assemble furniture 17 You always have enough milk in 18 While flicking through the TV channels you happen to land upon Parkinson (ABC). You get drawn in. 19 The benifits of a pension scheme become clear 20 You go out of your way to pick up a colour chart from Bunnings 21 You wish you had a shed 22 You find yourself saying "They don't make 'em like they used to", "I remember when there was only 4 TV channels" and "Of course, in my day..." 23 Gold 104 play more songs you know than JJJ - and Shawn Cosgrove has some really interesting guests, you know. 24 Instead of tutting old people who take ages to get on the bus you start tutting at schoolchildren whose diction is poor. 25 You make an effort to be in and out of the resturant by eleven 26 You come face-to-face with your own mortality for the first time, and the indestructability of your twenties gives way to a realisation that you are but passing through this life and if you don't setlle down and have kids soon you'll have nobody to look after you when you're old and frail and incontinent and can't go on pissong your life up against a wall forever and think of how many brain cells you're destroying every time you have a 'little livener' of coke, and look at that, a full set of stainless steel saucepans for $199, they cost as much as $70 each if you buy them separately and you get a milk pan thrown in
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