Knowing that email i sent you prior to this one was
chaotic, confusing, i don't know how to describe it
Sir, but it certainly didnt give any reasons.
I am not going to write how sorry i am Sir, because i
am truly sorry..but i also know that isnt good enough
in this situation. This letter is to write about why.
The root of why i did such a thing, and theconsequences of my actions.
After talking to you it was true i was upset. IN my
sick mind i punished myself even more by going against
you. I wonder to myself if i purposely did this, if i
truly do crave the negative attention, but the truth
is, i am almost crave any attention. Sir i am sorry. I
dont know how i can convey that. You are so good to
me. You do things for me that no one has ever done to
me, for my and with me. Yet i have to treat you so
badly. Doing this was a direct insult, disrespectful,
insolent action against you. I know your angry, I know
your disappointed, i know your hurt. Problem is, so am
i. Is that a problem? no, i am the one that caused myown problem.
Two weeks, two weeks is a very long time..yet you
could have made it a month, two months, three months,
yet i lost control. Right now i am at a height of
sexual peak. It is that time of the month, and this is
the moment where i really get horny. In fact averagely
speaking i usually masterbate daily, doesnt mean i get
anywhere, but at times during my period can do so 3,4,
even 5 times in one day. Have all this excess energy.
My dreams were plaguing me. And will be honest with
you, i woke up on the verge. I was right there, my
body was on fire, my breathing was panting, my sheets
were soaked, clit and nipples were throbbing. I just
had to touch myself. But at the same time its all
excuses Sir. The bottom line is i failed myself, i
failed you. I failed Sir. I am sorry.
Was talking to a friend of mine last night. Crying my
eyes out over this. Guilt was number one. I bring
guilt on myself. I pleasured myself, got no where, i
failed you. Now i am to be punished. He asked me in
what way do i think i would be punished. My mind
immediately went to physical. That you are going to
take the whip and beat the hell out of me. Must i
always equate punishment with a whipping Sir? Not
always the case. Truth is, in this manner i have no
say. You choose which way you wish to punish me, you
even choose if you wish to punish me or not. But i
know your upset and hurt Sir. I just want to make
everything right. But what was done, was done, cant be
undone just can be corrected, and fixed.
I am just sorry Sir. And i wish i could take it back.
Do i need to even mention the fact that i told you. I
dont even know why i am pointing that out. I know that
is not going to get me into any good graces. but i was
honest with you. I told you. I kept myself good this
whole time. but i lost control yesturday.