Fear: Every child fears monsters, like with anyone...it seems to be human nature to fear that which we don't understand, which breeds sexism, racism, extremism in many forms. It's real face is control, or the lack of something larger than us in our lives. For the child, it's that lack of control, and those who are larger than themselves are normally the parents. As they observe Mom or Dad, children begin to imitate. Their biggest fear is losing a parent, and becoming lost in an overwhelming world. A parent who controls, or becomes disrespectful to others, are only making it harder for their children to overcome their fears, and breeding hate.
Once my daughter fell while playing on a picnic table, fell, and hit her chin. It opened a one-inch rip and started bleeding heavily right away. Those near her reacted by yelling at her, "I told you not to play on that table", statements of shame and guilt. If you trust your instincts in such situations, you'll be able to address many issues within minutes, so what at first looks bad, can become good.
1) Children play, and will get hurt.
2) Unless they're set inside a bubble, injury is an expected risk.
3) Yelling at them only makes their pain worse.
4) It's OK to be human, to make mistakes, and to learn from them.
But instead, many use this opportunity as the chance to abuse. Yelling, shaming, scolding, punishments, all a gut reaction, but very dangerous to self-love. The motive is to shock that child into behaving, but it's really what controlling abusive people do, unwilling to let a child just be a child. People who react like that rarely have room for something larger in their lives, and are certainly passing along their abusive ways to the children.
Having just came upon this scene after returning from my job, seeing a dozen people standing around my crying daughter, yelling at her, I was tempted to tell them off, but instead, just intercepted her with a big hello, a great big hug, and simply walked away from everyone with this precious cargo in my arms. The injury was terrible, but her crying from everyone yelling at her just made it all worse. The first thing I said was, "Wow! Congratulations!", as her first glance at me was disbelief. "This is great!" I said with a huge smile on my face, and she was able to barely get out the words "Why, Papa?" Again with joy I replied, "You're now a real kid", going on to explain that kids who do nothing never get hurt, and real kids do play, and sometimes get hurt. All of it not only distracted her from the obvious pain, but began to give her a sense of pride. "And besides", I added, "you get to watch how easy it is to fix people, and you'll be able to show your stitches to everyone!"
Nearly at the hospital, she no longer was crying, was even giggling, excited as we approached the Emergency Room. Inside, she was calm, excited, and the Doctor was amazed, even handed her a mirror so she could watch, as he first numbed the area, then stitched her up.
One of those who was yelling at her then arrived, and broke down and cried after seeing how brave she was. I still resisted the urge to read these people the riot act, and could only smile as this precious child was feeling good about herself, and no longer afraid of life, or death, leading by example as those fumbling adults tried to put her down.
Teach your children the joys in life, and how life may mean risk. Let go of that temptation to yell, hit, or abuse. Lead by example. Take opportunities to catch your child doing something right for a change. Self love inspires spirit, something that's much larger than any of us. Those values will then spread to the following generations.
More stories
Jerry's home page
This page hosted by 
Get your own Free Home Page