My heart still falls in my chest when I think about what happened to you. And I always think about it as if it "happened," although I know you did it yourself. I guess I think of it that way because I know you couldn't have been rational. There was a reason for it. I just haven't figured the reason. There are all kinds of possible answers - your job, loss of your friend, lonliness, things I don't even know about, but what is the truth?
I'm searching for answers with your acquaintances and friends and brothers. Anything I can find out from them will give me a clue into who you were. I thought I knew you, Scott. But I can see I didn't. Either I didn't or you changed. This sounds familiar. Am I just singing the same old song over and over? How many times have I repeated myself?
I'm tired tonight. It's been a busy day. It's been a painful week. I'm so confused. I don't like the haunting but I don't want to lose you. I find myself trying not to think about you, then being afraid I will succeed.
February is about to end. It passed through so fast, just like you. I miss you so much....
