The Toadmaster's Written Word

The Story of the Week!

(Or month, as it may be)

This weeks feature presentation:

Golfing With Bob

(It helps to have read Part I.)

Part II

He was still feeling as happy as a lark and resumed singing his favorite show tunes. He once again began driving hordes of worms to the surface, and upon looking back, saw that his armadillo friend was munching happily away on the creepy crawlies. He was gladdened by this and sang even more enthusiastically. Later on, Bob was sitting under a tree, pondering what he should do. After much heavy thought he decided he was going to be a hermit, living off the land. He was surrounded by woods beyond the street, and he figured this would be as good a place as any to become a hermit. So he began walking in the opposite direction of the road heading deeper into the woods. He walked until he came to a narrow stream and followed it until he came to a pond. Upon seeing the beaver lodge, he came to the conclusion that he was going to need a place to live. The first thing to come to his mind was a cave, but upon looking around him he didn’t think he would find one around here. The next thing he thought of was a hollow tree, but upon thinking of his large girth he realized he would need a redwood to hold him. He stared at the beaver lodge until it hit him- he could build a huge lodge to live in! He threw down his trunk and began working immediately, tearing at trees with his hands or even gnawing on them with his teeth. He gathered wood all day, and when the sun went down he rested. He had eaten a fair amount of wood, and because of it wasn’t hungry. That night he dreamt of his beaver lodge in the center of the pond. He danced with the beavers on its roof, and frolicked in the sun. When they were done they shared a log and sang happy birthday. He awoke the next day feeling very refreshed, full of vim and vigor, and ready to eat the very first thing that came his way. So he did. A few minutes later, the world was one less a box turtle, and Bob’s tummy was plus one. After words, he thought that it might have been a good idea to stop it from crawling around first. He had, by now, a fair amount of wood, and began building his lodge in the center of the beaver pond. The beavers were none too happy about this, and were very courageous by biting him in the leg every now and then. After a while, about noon time, he ate one to teach the others a lesson. Actually it only infuriated them even more. Bob studied his options. He could eat all the beavers, but doing so would mean that they wouldn’t work on their dam any more, or he could leave, which meant he couldn’t build his lodge any more. He became so frustrated at that thought he smacked the water with his fist so hard that all the water splashed out of the pond and the dam tumbled over. “Well, that was easy,” Bob thought. Now he didn’t have a reason to stay either way. He didn’t feel the least bit bad about having to leave, and headed back toward the general direction of the road. Bob was surprised that he was actually lost, after realizing he had no idea which way the road was. So he chose a direction and just marched away. He crossed a stream, had a drink and continued until it became dark. He had no idea how far away from civilization he was, but he felt sure he wasn’t getting any closer. He grabbed a handful of dirt and ate it for dinner. He felt the worms wiggle all the way down and slept on a full stomach. That night he dreamed of playing a game of golf with his armadillo friend, who screamed all the way, but shared his excitement at the hole in one. He woke up the next morning once again satisfied and rested. The worms had worked their magic while he slept, so he had another handful of dirt for breakfast. He strapped his trunk to his back and continued on his journey of no destination. He danced and sang, for he was feeling on top of the world. The lost in the woods' part didn’t faze him in the least bit. He figured he’d find a road sooner or later. And sure enough, he did. He walked along it for a while, until he came to a gas station. He asked only for a drink of water, and continued on his way. He did a lot of deep thinking as he walked, thinking of the things in his past and of his uncertain future. As Bob walked along, he decided that he was going to pick for himself a new career, and it had to be something he was good at. He considered garbage man, sales clerk, lawnmower repairman, plastic artisan, but each time he thought he had something good, he would rule it out. He couldn’t be a garbage man, because he knew nothing about garbage. The same went for the salesman and lawnmower repairman. Finally, he thought he had it! He had thought of the perfect occupation! He decided he would like to be, that’s right! A weatherman! You don’t have to know anything to be one of those! You just make stuff up! So Bob set off at a quicker pace than before, this time with a purpose! He walked all day, occasionally eating something lying about, whatever looked good (The spare tire actually tasted better than it looked), until he camped out for the night. He slept under a big oak tree that night and had a wonderful dream about being tickled all over by goldfish. In the morning when he awoke, there were ants crawling all over his body, inside and out. He blew his nose to flush out the little buggers, and spouted forth a few from his mouth as he let out a high shrieking scream. “Ants!” He screamed as he tore the clothes off his body and running about like a chicken with no head. Finally, after about ten or so minutes, he had freed his body of all unwanted trespassers and the initial shock had worn down. He stopped to rest for a moment and to get his bearings. He noticed he was in some farmer's field and not too far from a house. As he was examining the house a man came bursting forth from it, shotgun in hand and shouting something. Bob’s first reaction was to run, but his curiosity led him to desire the knowledge why and what the man was shouting. He listened very carefully, lowering his head and tilting it, when he realized why the farmer was shouting. He didn’t have a single stitch of clothing on him! He had torn it all free in his excitement! He jumped up and rocketed in the direction of his belongings. Fortunately for Bob, the farmer stopped his shouting and running as Bob quickly outpaced him. He hurriedly put his clothes back on and continued on his way. Bob decided it was probably a good idea to move on before word spread about a crazy, naked guy.

Stay tuned for the Next installment of, Golfing with Bob!

Read The last weeks story | Read next weeks story