If you've been paying any attention so far, you will have noticed that we three call ourselves Panic Daemons. I assure you, we are not psychopathic (not according to the tests, at least)... nor are we particularly Satanic...nor are we just crying out for love and attention... nor are we on any type of drugs (that I know of...).

First, the last (*grin*). We have taken the name Daemons because we feel it suits us...like my dear friend Death says, if you gotta have a label, like this crazy society demands, why not choose your own instead of wait to have one imposed? Most people seem to make the terrible (if understandable) mistake of assuming that reality is actually like it seems. They divide the world into extremes, black and white, mountains and valleys, with no room given to grays--to the colors of the rainbow. They miss a lot. Daemons are those who refuse to be reined in by society's maps, labels, chains...whatever you want to call them. We are the folk who lie between the lines, who dwell out of sync with the beat establishing the tune to which most march. We are Daemonic because we think for ourselves...you might not think of that as a "sin"... but, often, it is. We are Daemonic because we admit our insanity, our confusion...and are clearer-headed for it.

That said, why "Panic Daemons"? Must we rise to the ultimate level of offensiveness? The answer...yes! I've met people who seem very threatened by my Daemonic nature...why? Being Daemons, we escape the fetters of conventional labels. We slip through the fingers of those who try to classify us. Ah, the human fear of the unknown...stronger than dogma, more pervasive than faith, a religion in and of itself...this is the enemy, not Daemonkind. But people don't admit this, for to do this would be to face their fear--or to face themselves, if you see this fear as a buffer between someone closed off from reality and the outside. For it's cold and dark and unfriendly outside the suffocating, comfortable womb of intellectual childhood...and people don't seem to realize that birth is inevitable (but enough of that...see my "destruction" link if you really want to go into this, for some incomprehensible reason...).

Well, we are different...therefore to be feared... therefore to be hated...therefore to be labeled, placed in the appropriate pile, and subsequently comfortably forgotten. But we keep cropping up again...for there is a Daemon within everyone... and we admitted Daemons may unwittingly act as catalysts for the painful process of self-realization. Thus the safety catch of self-destruct "automatic damnation" we meet when we trigger a challenge to someone's balance. Panic. Daemons. Panic Daemons. Makes sense? If it does...you are just as sick and twisted as we are. Congratulations...make yourself a cup of tea and tie on your straightjacket...you really shouldn't be out in the world.

Have a nice day.

The Chorus Without
I balanced on a narrow causeway,
Behind me a faceless sea of being,
Before me the lonely sunlit grove,
Below me an oblivion of which I knew nothing,
Yet it captivated me with its seductive siren-song.
My steps were firm,
My gaze unwavering
Though the wind picked at my sleeve
And the crowd howled to me
Mindlessly, wordlessly,
A wolf denied its prey.
I did not understand
And my bold stride faltered,
My eyes turning back to those I had left behind,
Their blind gazes pleading,
Their silent mouths shaping recriminations
Which clawed at my heart
And left the hot taste of guilt in my mouth.
Empty, demanding,
The meadow shrank back in my sight
And I turned back to the crowd
Who cheered my every step to them
Like those of a returning hero.
Yet when I glanced back to the meadow
It still remained,
Though it was dark and overgrown with weeds,
And I longed
For a forbidden ecstasy
Whose name escaped me.
And the crowd beckoned and howled,
And the lonely plateau called in a silent imperious tone,
And I teetered,
Torn between two choices
That I knew somehow should be one.
I tumbled, stricken, from my precarious perch
And the gaping black maw of madness rose up to meet me.

Death's view.... Is my view really important? Naahhh.. should you bother reading it? Probably not. *chuckle* I bet you're exhausted from Destruction's little trip.. I'm sure you won't care what I say anyway. After all, we're just a bunch of snot-nosed kids, (or rather..I am.. I think Destruction and Doom would resent that implication) what the hell do we know about anything? Specially not I, the youngest of this macabre group.. Of course, Doom's is even less likely to be read since she's at the bottom...

But of course, if you insist on reading... be my guest.

Alright now, why am I a Panic Daemon. (lovely phrase courtesy of Destruction). Well, it's quite simple...

There is nothing worse than blindly accepting something to be true simply because you have not thought that there was any other way. Truth is relative. What's true for you may not be true for me, and vice versa.

So, what is the answer? There is no answer, not a real one. Go out and find one that suits you and stick to it. Don't ever let it go. However,don't just believe in something. To have true faith, you must analyze all the discrepancies, see all the imperfections, accept them, and still believe. That is faith. I don't care what you believe in, that is your choice. My goal in life (besides spreading chaos and confusion *g*) is to make people think. That's it. I want to help people see the other side, and if they retain their beliefs, truly, and not just out of stubborness, then they have earned my respect.

Faith is perhaps one of the most important things in life. Why bother to do anything if you don't believe something will come of it? However, blind faith is for the unthinking majority, the sheep who dance to the merry tune of any shepherd who's song is beguiling.

What's in our mind's and what we think is one of the few things that people cannot take away from us. Why let someone else determine what you think? Take the time, research, argue, whatever...get those mental juices flowing and find the real faith, whatever that may be for you.

I am a Panic Daemon. I search for the truth, I don't claim to posses it.

alone in the world i walk
all possibilities stretching before me
diminshing to nothing
free from responsibilities
trapped within misplaced faith
alone in the world i walk
attacking the walls around me
making them stronger
free from burdens
trapped within myself
alone in the world i walk
the call of nature my spurs
halting my journey
free from others
trapped with myself
i walk alone

(c) 1997 Sally Christensen

the mind's in the gutter, 
my life's in the slammer, 
I ain't gonna sleep, 
I think I'll just sputter 

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