I woke up with a stiff neck. Somehow, I had slid off of my pillow during the night. Sleepily, I looked up and glanced at my clock.

"Crap." It was 5:43, two minutes before my alarm was due to go off. In another hour and a half, I'd be at school. And I was still at a loss for my portfolio's second narrative topic. Sighing, I flopped down on my pillow....

....and screamed as something stabbed me in the back of the neck.

I leapt up and flipped on the lamp, squinting in the sudden light. Stretched across my pillow was Fiddlesticks, looking like the Queen of Sheba. I'm positive that she was laughing at me.

"Well, I hope you're proud of yourself," I snarled, feeling the blood on my neck where Fiddle had clawed me. The Fid just smirked, curled up on my pillow, and went back to sleep. At that exact moment, my extremely strident alarm clock went off, giving me several consecutive heart attacks. Fiddle completely ignored it, but the noise woke Madeline up, who immediately waddled over to see if I was feeding anyone.

Grumbling about how completely useless they both were, I headed to my bathroom and began brushing my teeth. The cats didn't hesitate to follow me. Fiddle went over to the toilet and started yowling plaintively. Obligingly, I flushed it for her. She jumped and watched the water swirling, her favorite activity. Maddy, on the other hand, slowly trundled over to the shower and began lapping water off the bottom of it, stopping occasionally to give me pitiful looks.

"Don't even think about it," I said, putting in my contact. "It isn't my fault that you're too lazy to walk up the stairs and get water out of the bowl, like normal ca-" I was cut off abruptly as Fiddle knocked into me in her mad pursuit of a fly.

"Out! Everybody out!" I picked both cats up and tossed them out, then shut the door and began hair-brushing. Within moments, I heard miserable meowing accompanied with scratching outside the door.

Fearing for my door, which had just been painted and was, thus far, scratch free, I relented and let the cats back in. Fiddle dashed in and began rubbing against my legs, but Maddy had fallen asleep on the stairs. I checked my door. Sure enough, there was a brand new set of claw marks embedded in the wood. Great.

I glared down at Fiddlesticks, who gave me an innocent look. "You're evil, you know that?" Fiddle just rubbed my ankles and purred. She deliberately acted cute, pretending to attack my toes. My anger dissipated. Picking her up, I let her sit on my shoulder. She purred like a lawn mower, revving up her little lung engines for the rest of the day.

I sat the Fid down on the bed, then began hunting for a shirt. I checked my laundry basket. My parents had a strange habit of washing clothes late at night, so they just left baskets of my clean laundry at the top of the stairs. I carried the basket downstairs, and began checking it for my blue long-sleeved shirt. If one could judge the outside temperature from the lack of heat in the basement, I'd need something warm. I squinted at it, frowning. There was something different about it, but I needed to change my glasses prescription, so I couldn't see very well. I stared at the shirt, willing my eyes to focus, when I suddenly realized what was wrong.

"Madeline!" I bellowed, checking the other clothes in the basket. Sure enough, they were all covered with long, black hairs. Maddy had slept in the basket. And now I had absolutely no clean shirts. I glanced at the clock. 6:05. I only had half an hour until the bus came.

I raced upstairs to the living room. Dad was already there in his robe, drinking coffee. "Can I borrow a shirt?" I asked breathlessly.

Dad frowned at me. "I just washed a load of your stuff last night. The basket's at the top of the stairs."

"I know," I scowled. "Maddy slept in it."

"If you had put the clothes away last night, this wouldn't have happened."

"I was asleep! Anyway, it's beside the point. I need to borrow a shirt."

Dad turned back to the newspaper. "Fine, go ahead."

I thundered up the stairs into my parents' room and flipped on the light.

"ARGH!" Mom screeched from the bed. "Turn the light off! Turn the light off! It's too bright!!"

"Sorry Mom," I said as I searched through the dresser drawers. "I'll be gone in just a second."

"Hmph," Mom grumbled from underneath the covers.

It took me awhile, but I finally found a shirt that suited me. I returned downstairs, only to find Dad lying on the couch, with Madeline sprawled on his lap and Fiddlesticks curled up under his chin.

I glared at Dad. "The cats don't deserve to be petted. They've been driving me nuts all morning."

Dad made no noise, and I realized that he had fallen asleep. I shook my head. How anyone could sleep after drinking that ninety percent caffeine coffee that he loved was beyond me.

I checked the clock. 6:20. Still enough time to eat breakfast, but not enough for anything else. I had been planning to spend the morning thinking up a good narraration topic, but thanks to Act of Cat, that was prevented.

I went into the kitchen and began to fix myself a bowl of Cheerios. There was suddenly a loud yowl. Looking down, I saw Fiddle and Maddy, watching me expectantly.

"Give it up," I growled, looking for milk in the refrigerator. "You know that you're not fed in here anymore."

Up until a few years ago, the cats were always fed in the kitchen, next to the dishwasher. However, Mom came out of the kitchen one day and started screaming that unless we got those ******* rodents out from under her feet, we were going to have filet of cat for dinner. So, the food bowl was moved to the top of the basement steps.

The cats, however, hated that. To get them away from my breakfast, I pulled a piece of bacon out of the fridge and put it in the food bowl. I was nearly knocked down the stairs as Fiddle and Maddy raced to get to the food first.

Shaking my head, I sat down on the recliner and started to eat my Cheerios, and actually got five minutes of peace. However, before I was half finished, the one and only Fiddlesticks leapt up onto my lap and started purring.

I glared at her. "Oh, no you don't. This is my breakfast, not yours. Go eat your bacon." I glanced over at the food bowl, only to find that it was empty. "Boy, you guys made short work of that, didn't you?" Fiddle started to purr sneakily moving her head closer and closer to the cereal. She extended her claws and pricked my leg lightly. Uncomfortable, I shifted positions slightly...

...and in that moment, Fiddle took a huge slurp of my cereal.

"Fiddle!" I yelled, as the cat in question jumped down from my lap and sauntered off, looking pleased with herself. In disgust, I dumped the remnants of the cereal down the garbage disposal. I checked my watch.

6:38.

Yelling profanities, I ran downstairs to grab my backpack, which was also covered with cat hairs. Taking the stairs two at a time, I dashed back upstairs and grabbed for my coat, which Maddy was currently asleep on. I pushed her off of it and put my coat on. Just as I was about to run out the door, I was attacked by a sudden feeling of guilt. Bending down, I kissed Maddy on the head. "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to push you!"

I sprinted to my stop, and caught the school bus just before it drove off. There was one seat left in the very back, and I sank into it gratefully. At least I was out of that House of Insanity.

Suddenly, before the bus started moving, there was a loud commotion. I had a horrible sinking feeling, but I was determined to ignore it. And I managed to ignore it, up until a furry body jumped onto my lap and started purring.

I sighed, picked up Fiddlesticks, walked to the front of the bus, and put her out. "Come on. Please, just go home! I promise, I'll pet you for six hours when I get back!" I didn't expect her to understand anything I said, but to my complete surprise, Fiddle walked off after giving me a satisfied look.

I returned to my seat, still sighing. I sincerely hoped that I wouldn't have homework tonight, because I suspected that Fiddle was going to hold me to my promise of a six-hour petting.

Oh, well. It would be relaxing, if nothing else.

If only I could think of a narraration topic...

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