"How do most people live without any thoughts." Emily DickinsonI wasn't going to do an entry tonight. After being up all night and doing no homework because I was doing the entry, I was going to stay off the Internet and work. But guess what, I'm here now. Because I saw a show that pissed me off.
The show: Clueless. Now normally I don't watch this bastardized-fashion version of the movie (the clothing colors are ridiculous- real teenagers avoid pastels, florescents and brights and wear black- especially the guys! Hey, I'm a design major, whaddya expect outta me?), but I read in the paper that there was going to be some sort of pregnancy episode on. And I was amazed.
It's not one of the main characters (no, not even Amber, although she demonstrates her EXTENSIVE knowledge of pregnancy test kits throughout the show, as well as her idiocy- wow, that brain cell of hers must be lonely rattling around in all that space by itself)- it's a nerd. Now on the one hand I'll give the producers snaps for being different and showing that nerd girls do have sexual feelings, but on the other hand, COME ON! Never happens. No, not even with nerd boys like in the show. 
(They got it on because they were turned on by a new kite . . . don't ask! Also on the same theme of grossness, a teacher gets pregnant by the football coach. There's an image I needed, thanks)
As the girls give Katie (the nerd) pregnancy advice, I also noticed that there was no mention whatsoever of the big "A." I know that God forbid you say that word around teenagers, but realistically it's one of the things that would come up in your thoughts, even if you were against it. But does anyone mention this (not even Amber, who I highly doubt has had that many "false alarms")? Of course not! And to then be affecting to the viewers, they have her make an appearance to say that after one night of discussion with the parents, she's decided to keep it, and is happy about it, and doesn't seem to mind skipping college. Who decides that fast? And "I just came by to wish you luck on the SAT's?" Shit, if I had come home the night before and said that I was pregnant, I wouldn't be allowed outta the house.
And finally, they have the gang spouting the same advice that we've all heard before everywhere. But frankly, I just found it ironic that the guys, who spend every show doing come-ons, are now parroting "Keep your eyes on the prize" and "The only foolproof way . . . " Hello, hypocrites.
So I was pretty annoyed after seeing this show. I've seen enough stupid ads and promos telling me to not get laid until I'm married to make me vomit. Isn't that my decision? And there are ways to prevent pregnancy, you know- abstinence, though foolproof, isn't the only one. I found it interesting that I read in some advice column (sadly I don't remember which one) about the same thing, only the writer was in her twenties. The columnist (whoever it was) said that it was foolproof, but not much fun, especially when you're married. Sounds kinda hypocritical to me.
The BS that we teenagers are fed (even though I'm soon to be leaving the group- waaaah!) is nauseating. The propaganda is also nauseating (geez, all that puking . . . wonder if I'm pregnant? And for anyone who's paranoid, THAT WAS A JOKE.) I'm getting tired of people telling me what to do.
Which I suppose is getting any reader of this (if any exist) to be wondering if I'm a virgin or not. Well, I'm not gonna tell you or anybody. It is none of your damn business, unless you catch a sexual disease from me (again, THAT WAS A JOKE). Here's why I came up with this: A year or two ago while driving to Montana to visit my grandma we had stopped to pee in a casino in Jackpot, Nevada, where for reasons that I'm sure would only disturb me, my mother, in a public restroom and in earshot of strangers, demanded to know if I was a virgin. And I decided right then that I didn't want to tell this one. Especially at the end of the visit to Grandma, when she started crying and screaming, "YOU KEEP YOUR LEGS CROSSED! PROMISE ME! PROMISE!" And I wouldn't.
Besides the admittedly practical reasons of disease and pregnancy (and I'll admit these are valid- but this is someone's personal choice here), I get annoyed when I hear, "Save it for marriage," "Protect your future children," or "Wait for your true love" shit like that spouted by those True Love Waits people. I won't get into the "waiting for true love" thing again after last night, but what I would like to say here is, again, 
how do the True Love Waits people know if True Love Waits? What happens if a 16-year-old who wants to get married and have kids eventually signs this pledge . . . and love doesn't come along? What happens when she turns 38, 40, 45 and "The One" hasn't come, and the batteries in her biological clock are running down, as well as her fertility? What if she looks back on her life at fifty, still without "The One", still a virgin, and now forever childless unless she resorts to sperm donors and unusual surgery, and regrets this pledge?
Now, I'm not saying that people should or shouldn't be getting laid here. I'm just saying that trusting that "The One" exists and "will" arrive is kinda foolhardy. Sure, it's romantic to lose it to the one you love, but there's also the question of sexual compatibility. I've read many accounts from the past of people who were sexually incompatible with their spouse, didn't discover it until the wedding night, and then were miserable forever, or divorced. In a way I agree with Sarah and her mother, who said that a couple should live together for a while first so that they get it all okay before they take the plunge. Sounds pretty practical to me.
To finish this off, I'd like to recommend reading the three articles by Susie Bright (she writes for Salon, also below) on sex.
The first one is about how teenagers are taught shame and repression when it comes to sex. The second is about how we're going to have a nation of sexphobics. The third (which I didn't put anything from) is about that girl who wrote a book about her virginity and how she uses it to have control. Here's some stuff from her that I wanted to say, but she did it better. And she also hates those damn propaganda ads!
"I saw a local TV ad that shows a girl at a lab desk, piping up, "I'm gonna be an astronaut!" Cut to a sweet young thing doing her pliés at the barre: "I'm going to be a ballerina!" Both bright faces chime in together: "I'm not going to let sex screw up MY career goals."Then the big finale, with the words splashed across the screen: "Not Me! Not Now!"
And "Not a Clue," in my book. Yes, of course I know this is supposed to "prevent teenage pregnancy," but the message comes out ignorant, bitter and way shortsighted.
I would like to take out an ad of my own, where one babe in a tutu comes out and says, "Look, most of us ballerinas are anorexic coke freaks and blow job queens!" Then we could have a veteran astronaut stumble out with a bottle of Jack Daniels and say, "My NASA comrades and I are bona fide alcoholics who frequent prostitutes -- when we can get it up." Yahoo, everyone! Don't let being a sexual ignoramus get in the way of your career goals.
To my surprise, I've heard from professors and campus administrators from other universities, telling me how they worry about the same thing and feel so unprepared to address it. "What do we say now?" they wonder: "Why don't you try just one week of having sex without first drinking a keg!" -- "Monogamy is OK, but it might be a good idea to make out with ONE other person before you pledge eternal commitment at the age of 19."
Could these be the same men who later asked me, "If I don't have sex, I'll be OK, right? You don't have to have sex to live, right?"
Well, I'm sure the local Family Decency Association would be glad to reassure them that, yes indeed, you can live till you're old and gray without once blemishing your life with sexual intercourse -- but that's not really the point, is it?
They cannot live their lives in total denial of their sexual feelings and yearnings, any more than they could entirely suppress their appetite or their dreams. We've told them that even thinking about sex can lead to dire consequences -- as if eradication of sexual thoughts were some kind of reasonable request, like cutting out cheese from their diet.
Gee -- would graduate school be a good time to finally learn how to fuck?
Even the sexual sophisticates and more experienced students on campus were under the thumb of the conservative, let's-save-sex-for-later-and-be-monogamous-and-plan-our-careers crowd. The student who pointed out to me that "no one holds hands on campus" truly made the saddest observation of all. Holding hands is a sign that you might be sexual with someone, and that could cost you your reputation.
A "good girl," it seems, has no erotic self-interest or solidarity with other lusty women whatsoever. In all her innocence and ignorance, she trades sex for the allegiance of the highest status mate possible. In the '90s, women aren't chaste for religious or moral reasons, but because they are now supposed to use their sexuality as the ultimate commodities brokerage! To the Big Sisters of New Order, a girl who has sex because it feels good is just giving away that cream for free -- and depressing the market for other milk cows on the move!
Teenage sexuality is depicted in two ways -- as that of a victim or a criminal.
Links to other sites on the Web
Icon Bazaar (e-mail)
Graphic Station (rolling eyes, ?)
From generation excess to generation sexless
Why Johnny (and Janie) can't get it on
Virgin Queens
Salon Magazine
Page last updated: April 14, 1998.
All you people from TLW who are now thoroughly pissed at me can e-mail me at the address below . . . so long as you girls first explain what you will do if you're fifty and still haven't found "The One", because I'm really curious.
To the previous entry
To the next entry
© 1997 jdrutherford@ucdavis.edu
Get your own Free Home Page