Abandonment (okay, not really)

I'm trying to recall the crucial stuff to mention, but failing miserably.

Though Tuesday morning he started making this miserable-sounding moan in his sleep, so I woke him up to see if he was okay. He said he'd had a dream about a tree landing on me and him pulling it off, but I was unconscious....awwwwwwwww.

Barely talked to him on IRC Monday, but sure bugged him Tuesday- I was flipping out over my design project not being creative enough (that's what I hate about classes like that- you feel so inadequate when you look at everyone else's work). Suspect I did it too much, though he said he only didn't get a little work done. Though I wonder- he said on his night alone he's going to go to the lab after massage. Must shut up more. Especially in the next few days...I'm having some lovely abandonment issues at the moment. Like I really shouldn't talk to him much anymore, even though he's kinda contradicted that. Especially Thursday...I asked if he was going to go on IRC and he said he'd try not to, and I said that if he did, should I ignore him or yell at him t go do work. He said no to both of those (said if he was on IRC he was already wasting time anyway), but I think I shouldn't talk to him then especially. Too tempting to say "well, if you're not doing anything, you wanna come over...?"

To Jess: Remington did not tell me about your crush on Evan. I'd guessed this was going on before then. And when he started asking me questions about Evan, right after mentioning he was talking to you, well, I just admitted that I knew. He asked you for your number? Yay! Hopeful sign =) And about Lugod...wasn't everyone ignoring everyone else, really? It wasn't that good for conversation much either.

(The rest I'm just copying and responding to so I remember what I'm answering to:)

I don't think that you're being a bitch about the whole situation.

Well, I think you're the first to say that. Everyone else has said I'm being selfish, but not that bluntly.

It shouldn't have to be up to one person to enforce the situation...especially the person who is giving up the most.

Yeah, that's exactly what I feel like...especially today. Really today. Bad enough I don't get to see him for five days (which I know is childish to whine about, seeing as Zoe does that already) this week, but since I think they're going to make it regular to get together during the week...I'm seeing him less than she is. He's got yet another conference (I'm sick of those) next week, and I know she'll want to see him midweek because of that. And then I get two days again. I said that to him (that she'll ask) and he was all surprised about it, for some reason. C'mon, he can't expect it by now? How brain-dead is he acting? The two days thing is really bothering me...he kinda suspects that, but again, what can be done? Just makes him feel bad for wanting something reasonable (he said something like that). He said that I could refuse to let him see her next week if I needed to see him, but come on, like I could do that. Even if I needed to see him (no comment) it would be ruined because I'd feel like an evil bitch for refusing. (He didn't comment on that one.)

All three of you are in this together. I also think that scheduling time is a dangerous way to go about it. Better to be spontaneous IMO. Though that's hard when one of you lives 3 hours away :/

It's impossible to be spontaneous about it when one lives 3 hours away. Hence why scheduling is sooooo important.

But saying you can only see someone at certain times is really restricting.

He certainly thinks so, judging by how he gets cranky when I say he can't see me on a weekend. (He even gets cranky when I mention parties he's not at- like Josh's) But what else can be done with her living 3 hours away and having work at 8 a.m. Monday-Thursday? Weekends used to be all she had, now plus another day in the week (and all that driving doesn't make a switch to her being around all weekdays like she wants feasable). I feel like weekends are her territory that I can't steal away.
It sucks, yeah, but I don't know of a solution to the problem.

What if you both want to see each other outside those times and are perfectly able to?

I believe they'd call that sort of thing a miracle. But due to her location/work schedule, I just don't think that can happen. Actually, at this point I think everyone's kinda fed up with how things are- besides him griping about not seeing me ever on a weekend (alone anyway, I suppose), she's thinking it must be better on the other side of the fence, getting to sleep with him four days (make that two now, though) a week. As for me, I'm getting sick of nights like this: Last night after we went out to eat (Japanese food- I made him all happy) and did some errands, he asks if I'm going to do my design project. I said no, I didn't bring it and I was intending to spend time with him (especially since I won't be the rest of the week). Which is when he mentions having work to do. Seeing as his having work to do and him not doing it because of me is what sparked the whole trouble, I say fine, I'll go get my stuff and work on it while you do work. I'm a very good girl, sacrificing so he can get work done. So I spend most of the night doing my design project while he...goes on IRC. Okay, so he did some stuff. But by 11:30 I was sick of things and went to sleep. Which prompted him to shut off the computer and pay attention to me for about five minutes before he said he was too tired. Actually, it always goes like this. If I end up at his place before say, 1 a.m., this is what happens. And then mornings I have to wake up early, wake him up, get some attention...and then after maybe a half hour of fooling around he starts going on about how he should get up early and/or check his mail.

This is getting really annoying.

From what I've asked Zoe he apparently does the same thing weekends (i.e. wanting to get up a lot), but for some insane reason I'm thinking "weekends have got to be better than this. I wouldn't have to compete with him doing work and both of us having class."

What if one of you happens to not want to see the other during your alloted time?

So far, that's happened once- when Zoe had some sort of crisis Easter and canceled on him for the weekend. Which led to her making up time on a weekday...and thus the pattern is established. Other than that, it hasn't happened. Even when I'm kinda pissed at him or have a test or something, I always think "but I won't get to see him much if I don't" and therefore try to move things around/calm down/whatever. I was kinda pissed at him last night, but if I don't see him, then I'm only screwing myself over.

Hmmmm, after writing all this I'm really thinking about things instead of just feeling kinda shitty like I was when I got home this morning. Maybe I should e-mail them about this or something...though like I said, I really don't see a solution. But yeah, now I realize that everyone's feeling fed up about things!

Personally, I think Rem needs to figure out what he wants instead of leaving it up to you two. But I know that's not exactly something you can force him to do.

Uh, yeah. But apparently all he's figured out is that he wants time alone. His theory on leaving it up to us is that it won't make us feel rotten the way it might if he was picking out who to be with. Or something like that. Less hurt feelings. Plus he seems to like being controlled (ah, mommy issues).

Could you eat lunch with him sometimes if Marianne doesn't want to anymore?

She still wants to, apparently- they started doing it again. I like the idea, but I don't know if he would like it. That and he almost always goes to lunch while I'm in class. I've been to lunch with him twice- once when he went with Bill after Marianne hadn't (this was around 1), and once a long time ago he brought me along to lunch with him and Marianne. She barely talked, so he didn't think that was a good idea.

I think your mom is nuts. But you already knew that. I still say you need to work out a plan of some sort (how you'll survive, get through college, and all that if you don't have their support), stand up to them, and be willing to go through with it. But I know that's a lot easier said than done. Have you tried writing her a letter explaining how you feel? (she can't interrupt a letter with accusations and guilt trips...).

Well, the thing is, I don't want to be without their support. I really, really, really don't. I've seen my ex do that. I've seen Sarah doing it. It SUCKS colossally. The stress of that is scarier than the stress of parental demands. The letter thing is a good idea, though.

Jen, if you want me to stop giving advice, just tell me :)

Nope, you do a good job of it!

11 a.m. Well, attempted to mention this to Remington this morning, but he said a. there isn't a solution, b. he forgot to do homework he had due today (oh, GREAT), c. he's in trouble, and d. go away.

He'd better not blame his not doing homework on me. See what I have to deal with, though?

Next time I'm not rocking the boat.

Update: 3:30ish. Got a little cranky after the last bit and decided to leave IRC and just pay attention to my work. To my surprise, Remington pops in with a "bye! I love you!" Somehow this tempted me to come back online instead of sulking...I just made it sound like I'd thought I had to leave early or something. Though it's not like he said a lot to me after that...just that he'd done his homework (should I pat him on the head for that?). Came back home after class and he started messaging me about Josh's party...he's throwing some cinco de mayo bbq tonight 7ish, I dunno if I'm going to go or not, but if enough people whine at me I probably will. Plus I could use some alcohol and entertainment to block out mopihood. When I finally got him to stop being cryptic, he said Zoe might be convinced to come to it for ten minutes or so tonight. Then he left to do something with the meter, and when I asked if he'd be back, he said "maybe." Ugh.

Jessica's stuff about how too much scheduling isn't good is lingering in my head...but damned if I know what to do about it.

More jerking around again, but this time I think I have learned to NOT take it seriously. Remington did come back on, saying that apparently no one knows if his conference is THIS weekend or next. He was attempting to find out, but no one knew. Zoe came on and I think I've talked her (and probably him) into showing at the party (I agreed to go) for a bit. If he didn't have conference this week (thus her being able to see him alone during the weekend), she had the idea to have me hang out with them tonight. Which I liked, but am so not taking seriously this time (especially since no one knows what's going on). I'm naturally assuming I'll be back here later tonight doing homework. No worries, for a change...she was making me feel better about him being annoying last night, which helped. Well, we'll see what happens.

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