A song that has been in my head lots lately since I heard it on Felicity (and yes, BEFORE asking Remington out again), which I am finally posting lyrics to:
I'm so tired of falling in love finding it easier to fall out can't deny it I feel it inside Cupid's fire I can't hide Chorus I'm falling in love again ain't nothing I can do falling in love again girl this time it's with you when I fall it's always the same and I'm so tired of playing this game It's been so long now since I gave up my heart I've kept it locked down I don't wanna get it harmed So let me tell you now I just want to be sure that you won't hurt me can you promise me that chorus You got to tell me if you're going to break my heart 'cos I don't want to take the chance and if it ain't true all it's gonna be is nothing but a poor romance so give me that promise to hold on and I'll never let you go we gotta have something to go on I'm letting you know now. Chorus, chorus -Falling In Love Again, Eagle-Eye Cherry
Naturally I am not looking forward to falling badly again! And the nice young men in their clean white coats probably aren't allowed to fraternize with the patients anyway.
Here's some poppycock I heard: Mom called me yesterday and said that the shrink told her that she had screwed me up to be dependent so much that I was going to go out and marry the first guy who asks without being at all picky because I need someone to take care of me. She was quite miserable over it. But for cryin' out loud, the shrink never even MET ME! I am not THAT bad, for god's sake, I wouldn't do that. (I've already been proposed to anyway, and I didn't accept that!) I think their shrink is kinda crappy.
An interesting day today-
I puttered 'round the room in the a.m., putting off working on my design project by checking my e-mail incessantly and crap like that. And also, checking out well, stuff on Remington. Found some page of a friend of his with some pictures . . . also had links to a bunch of his pictures . . . I looked. You knew I would.
Various ones of him w/ friends, with many varying hairdos (some good, some bad, some godawful bad), locations, (France, Chicago, his house- which is in the BOONIES of the area. I thought I was looking at Montana pics), and well, some kissing shots with several chicks (okay, not that I was surprised about that). Dang.
How did I feel, you ask? Jealous? Well, I can't really be jealous of the ones who came before me, but I felt a leetle peeved somehow. Ugh, pictures of him on the Internet with all these other chicks? was about what I felt like. Stupid, I know. And I was perverse enough to look . . . several times. But hey, at least I'm not like Sarah and Hardeep (more on that later). I am not a jealous person. I've been jealous exactly two times in my life, and it was awful. I hope I don't do it again. Then again, this is me, and I probably will, I'm not that lucky. I just hope it's not in this situation, because that would not go well. (Again, more on this later) I'm already having a bit of the typical sick dating-a-player fantasy that he'll dump the rest for me 'cause I'm the bestest, but I know that's ridiculous, the reason why players are players is because nobody is enough (that whole "looking for a goddess" bit). I know better that that doesn't happen, and in all honesty, it's silly to do that when I am still not really in the mood for that whole full-fledged boyfriend thing! Still I think that crap! Ugh!
Makes me feel a bit insecure, to say the least. I always get attracted to players, which is SO not a good thing, but, well, while I'm not scoring 100% on the purity test (no, I'm NOT going to pinpoint anything here, or tell y'all my experience/hymen-or-lack-thereof status. That's a bit personal to divulge, even for me), I would be SO very much out of my league this time. Compared to all of that I know nuffin'. Very insecure, actually. Not that I've gotten any complaints, I pretty much go with whatever's going on and do a great job (not that I'm biased in my thinking though!). But that probably does not a fabulous kisser/anything else-r make, especially when there's so many comparisons. I'm a little nervous. Or maybe a lot now. I don't know.
(On inflatable items) is there something particulary amusing that you've always wanted to do with them? :} No way am I gonna comment on that one! Oh, come now, it's not like this is a family newsgroup or something? :} I never tell . . . Ah, so then there _is_ something for you to not tell, eh? Interesting... He thought I was keeping secrets about fetishes . . . little does he know that the secret is that there is no secret! I'm not that creative in that area! It's pretty rare that I even get anywhere with anyone nowadays . . . I'm feeling rusty.
Did that just get too explicit? I hope not.
I got a bunch of e-mails from him today (well, six, but that's quite a few, even if most of 'em were short comments), will reprint at the bottom.
Around 1:00 someone knocks on the door. For once I don't get up and get it immediately, I'm feeling lazy, and by the time I get up Kayda already has gotten it. My door is closed so I don't see this, but it's Jensen at the door announcing there's going to be a mud football game (something I'd never attend no matter HOW lusty I was!) at two. I'm happy that I missed him, since I don't want to see him, and haven't for a few weeks, I think.
Maybe a half hour later, Sarah came over unexpectedly. With Hardeep. Ai yi yi, I thought. They wanted to go play pool, but the front desk (they check out the balls/cues) didn't open until two, so we hung around in the lounge till it opened. So by the time Jensen comes down into the lounge looking for ANYONE for the game (no one showed up! Hahahaha!) we're all playing pool in front of him, just like when the whole thing began. Ai yi yi. (He also grew a beard! Ugh!) About the worst way possible to for him to see me again after the whole debacle. I would have preferred that to be on the arm of a hunk, dressed to the elevens or so, leaving for a fabulous evening. But that doesn't happen in life, does it? Nope.
Anyway, the day went about like we normally do it- play pool, go to Subway- and it went emotionally normal too- Hardeep was perfectly calm, and they were nauseatingly lovey-dovey to each other as they always were! Dang. The only funny bit he did was when I was telling them about Remington at lunch, they were inviting me over for New Year's (too bad I'll be stuck in Liverbore and can't go, I said) and that I could invite him along, and I said he'd probably be off getting sloshed with one of his other chicks. Hardeep did NOT take that well at ALL, said he'd throw him in the pool for cheating (and other injuries would be inflicted). Dang.
Hardeep went off to do the laundry at his parents' again and Sarah was here. We did more guy talk. About how I'm fucked up, basically, revolving-door crushes, wanting a guy yet so NOT wanting to be coupled/married at the same time (how hopefully I won't fall full-fledged nutball for this one and can have some fun while not attached, a nice halfassed relationship if you will); how she says they would have broken up by now if they hadn't been married at the first hit, but now they have to work it out, how she misses being single, how they haven't gotten into physical fighting in a while, but she's worried that he'll lose it when she's in school and surrounded by tons of guys in engineering- he forbid her to talk to any guys or be lab partners w/ 'em (like she can help that if the classes are guy galore). She griped about him some more, like the previous visits.
Also in conversation she mentioned that Mike and I were so desperate that we should hook up (yeah right), and I was stunned to hear that I was desperate. Me? I want a guy, but I'm happy with me, that doesn't seem like desperate to me. Then I thought of the signs- date whoever asks, revolving-door crushes, etc, etc . . . and I am desperate! Waaah!
He came back again, we played some more pool, and she was back to lovey-dovey again! Good lord. Sometimes I don't get things AT ALL in life.
Subject: Re: The JenRem Outing Report v1.0 } >Yep. But enough to make it worth giving sharp objects and shaving creme } >to all the others? } Oh, please, every guy I knew growing up never traveled without several } sharp objects, lighter (even if they didn't smoke- you never know when } you're gonna need instant fire), and sometimes explosive devices! Well, this ain't Livermore. I wouldn't trust the average freshman guy to know how to properly handle a razor. :) } >You know it's just going to get used for fraternity pranks. } And that's what makes it fun to watch when they come home that night =) Well, ok, can't argue with that... Especially since, that's what I used mine for. :) } Is to me. Then again, I use any opportunity I can to slip the word "ain't" } into conversations with my mother... I have it on good authority that "ain't" is a real English word. It just ain't American, because it was considered pretentiously imitating the way nobility speaks, and thus betraying yourself as a royalist. } I had an odd experience one time } while being called by an army recruiter and she asked my major, then } started flipping out that her grammar wasn't all right. I hadn't the heart } to tell her that I don't understand grammar one iota (and my language } grades sure reflected that!). Grammar is rules. Rules were made to be broken. Creative breaking of grammar rules frequently results in literature like Shakespeare's, which in turn leads to new grammar rules. It's very democratic. But then, you probably knew that. :) } Okay, Thai then. Nummers! Ok, there is a decent Thai restaurant in Davis, as it happens, but there's a few much classier ones in Berkeley. } Brains. I read a book once in which some people had to come up with French } foods for the class, and one guy did cow stomachs, kidneys, brains, and was } disappointed that he couldn't get the head. Naturally, they had a TON of } customers . . . until they translated, that is. The translation would only make me more interested. I like trying weird gourmet delicacy stuff. But kidneys turn me off a bit. I'd rather eat spleen. :) } >Not even, "This is a message from Jennifer!!?!" as I hand her the } >exploding mallard? } Ewwwwwww.... } Well, in THAT case, then go right ahead, I'll make an exception! Not a _real_ mallard, of course, I'd never be that cruel to a duck. } >} Uh, it doesn't work. } >Ah, yes. The joys of Mac PeterServer. Now I have to call someone in CA } >and ask them to please hit the reset button on the friggin' headless } >wonder machine. Somebody had this brilliant idea for running a } >Macintosh without a monitor... } Okay, that is BAD. Very BAD. And these are supposed to be the smart people? Well, it does work most of the time. But it means we all tend to ignore it until someone tells us it crashed. The real problem is probably the free webserver software package. -Remington >Well, this ain't Livermore. And a good thing it isn't too! I wouldn't trust the average freshman guy to >know how to properly handle a razor. :) I wouldn't trust the average freshman guy to know how to properly handle anything but his ... think I'd better leave that one unfinished! > >} >You know it's just going to get used for fraternity pranks. >} And that's what makes it fun to watch when they come home that night =) > >Well, ok, can't argue with that... Especially since, that's what I used >mine for. :) Oooh, what did you do? > >} Is to me. Then again, I use any opportunity I can to slip the word "ain't" >} into conversations with my mother... > >I have it on good authority that "ain't" is a real English word. It just >ain't American, because it was considered pretentiously imitating the way >nobility speaks, and thus betraying yourself as a royalist. > Cool! >Grammar is rules. Rules were made to be broken. That's about my opinion of it! >Nummers! Ok, there is a decent Thai restaurant in Davis, as it happens, >but there's a few much classier ones in Berkeley. Well, whichever you think is best. >Not a _real_ mallard, of course, I'd never be that cruel to a duck. What, do they sell an non-real exploding mallard at Archie McPhee's now? Jennifer } I wouldn't trust the average freshman guy to know how to properly handle } anything but his ... think I'd better leave that one unfinished! But if you did finish it you'd be about right... :) } >} >You know it's just going to get used for fraternity pranks. } >} And that's what makes it fun to watch when they come home that night =) } >Well, ok, can't argue with that... Especially since, that's what I used } >mine for. :) } Oooh, what did you do? Oh, I think we had fights akin to what one would do with silly string with ours. } >Nummers! Ok, there is a decent Thai restaurant in Davis, as it happens, } >but there's a few much classier ones in Berkeley. } Well, whichever you think is best. Well, the one in Berkeley's definitely better, but versus having to spend two hours trapped in a station wagon with me... :) } >Not a _real_ mallard, of course, I'd never be that cruel to a duck. } What, do they sell an non-real exploding mallard at Archie McPhee's now? Oh, probably, but I'd just get a decoy from a hunting store and stuff it with a mild explosive. -Remington A comment before I go on: Can you tell this conversation's running out of steam/less subjects to talk about? I sure can. Uh-oh, fun's ending. I don't like that.The shorter stuff: On the newsgroup I put up a link to Dave Barry's 98 Gift Guide, and he forwarded it to his dad, who loved it, and he thanked me for that, I said you're welcome, you want some more, he said yes, I sent 'em, he said thanks, he'd have to look at 'em later. Another one also commenting on a .sig I used on the newsgroup.>} >Nummers! Ok, there is a decent Thai restaurant in Davis, as it happens, >} >but there's a few much classier ones in Berkeley. >} Well, whichever you think is best. > >Well, the one in Berkeley's definitely better, but versus having to spend >two hours trapped in a station wagon with me... :) Oh, and that would be just the worst thing on earth? >} >Not a _real_ mallard, of course, I'd never be that cruel to a duck. >} What, do they sell an non-real exploding mallard at Archie McPhee's now? >Oh, probably, but I'd just get a decoy from a hunting store and stuff it >with a mild explosive. THAT I want to see. > >-Remington > "This is what I'm saying! Any food?" > -Uncle Harold What was this from, some food holiday? Well, this was an interesting day . . my friend AND her husband came over unexpectedly for the day . . . AND he was calm all day. They were very much lovey-dovey/somewhat nauseating all afternoon. . . until he left to do the laundry and she was here alone, then she started griping about him like before. He comes back to play some more pool, and they're all lovey-dovey again. How bizarre. Jennifer
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