CHAPTER 20: CRUSTY OLDE HIPPIES TAKE ON THE WINTRY OLDE PIGS

"Testing one-two-three. Testing one-two-three. Hello Wakefield. Can you hear me? Brad I think we've got a bad mic here. Hello can you hear us? Well if you can we are going to take a fifteen minute break so Brad can go through the junk in his trunk and see if he can find us another mic. And if he can't we're gonna go all instrumental tonight how about that! Hit it guys." They began a polka-tempo version of the Mr. Bumpity Jump song as Burke and the others began filing out.

Burke turned back to get one parting vision of the band. He didn't want to believe that this was what 'Bumpity had become. As he walked out without looking where he was going, he smacked into someone and got nearly got knocked off his crutches. "Hey watch where you're going buddy-sorry I didn't see the crutches" said the man that Burke had bumped into. "It's my fault." He stopped to study Burke. "Don't I know you?"

They analyzed each other for a second; then Burke had an instant realization: It was Limp-Dick! "Hello Officer" he said, expecting the worst. Lemdeich also made the connection. "Banyon Burke. I thought I'd never see you again." Burke instinctively put up his hands as if to defend himself. "Now hold on there fella." Lemdeich continued. You may think that I'm still angry at you but I'm not. I was mad, real mad. But it was foolish pride that made me that way. I would like us to be friends." He said with a sincere look upon his face.

Burke looked at the man standing before him like he was completely nuts. "Oh sure you probably think I'm completely nuts" Lemdiech continued. "After you left town I made it a personal mission to nail you. I did some research and found out something surprising; something very good about you. Remember that Vet that you saved from the train when you first arrived years ago? Well that guy was my brother. You saved my brother that day and I owe you for that. I'm sorry that I got mad at you. I didn't realize that you were one of the good guys." Lemdeich held out his had to shake. A sure gesture of peace.

Burke didn't have a clue what Limp Dick was referring to, but he shook his hand. Lemdeich announced that he was buying a round for the great Banyon Burke and company. "Ever try to bowl with a busted foot?" he asked. "No I never did. But if I start drinking, maybe I can." Burke answered. Maggie looked at Burke like a mom. "Banyon are you nuts?" she asked.

"Lighten up Maggie" Burke replied. "This is Wakefield. The possibilities are endless. Let's try to make tonight magic!" he said.

"That's just the kind of magic I want to make" Jak said sarcastically. "Bowling with a bunch of retired cops. That's gotta be a barrel of laughs. I should have stayed in jail. At least I could have played with my balls by myself!" They all laughed.

"Come on" encouraged Mostly-Bob. "I know how to keep score." He had a pleading look on his face. A few minutes later the group had hilarious shoes on and were power ordering rounds of drinks. "I've got the first round" said Fauna. "No I got the first round" said Jak. "OK let's have two firsts rounds" was the solution that they both could agree on. All subsequent rounds followed the precedent of doubles. So began the cross-culture classic; the archaic olde hippies against the wintry old pigs. They began bowling like it was the Wisconsin Olympics.

Burke, true to his word did improve with beer. He seemed to be falling less, while Mostly-Bob seemed to be falling more. It somehow evened out. The Shanahan girls didn't bowl too well but damn if they didn't look good; sometimes form is more important than score and Burke noticed that they kept the pigs distracted so he could cheat on the score. Sunni somehow managed not to break her nails, while Maggie didn't have to worry about that, hers were naturally short.

After five games. The winner was the bar tender who made fifty-seven bucks in tips. Mr. Bumpity had finished playing. The bar had emptied out to one last horny couple that didn't seem to be able to keep their faces off each other. They didn't really notice that 'Bumpity had even performed. The bowling alley became quiet. Burke headed for the washroom. He had some trouble opening the door with his crutches, for the door opened outward. He finally managed. As he entered his crutch slipped on the damp tile and he almost fell. The door closed and he gimped his way to the urinal. He heard the door open behind him.

"Are you OK Banyon?" It was Maggie. She boldly entered the men's lavatory in the best interest of her friend and boss. A mans voiced from within one of the stalls said. "Hey baby--be careful, there's a snake in here!"

"You shouldn't be in here Maggie" Burke said.

"I don't care if you need help" she replied.

"Thank you very much" he said. "Nobody has ever cared for me that much." He was truly touched.

"I'll be waiting outside the door" Maggie said. "If I hear you fall, I'll be right in though."

"Then you can see the snake!" said the voice in the stall.

"Beware of the mongoose!" Maggie replied but then realized what she said and covered her mouth in embarrassment. The man in the stall didn't catch the set-up though, as Maggie slipped out the door.

Burke returned to the group.

"You guys are all right" said Lemdeich. His eyes were all goofy looking. One was looking straight ahead, the other at the ceiling. He was drunk. "What do you say we all go out to the roadhouse? Burke, buddy, you are my best friend in the world." Jak looked at Burke with a pleading NO! look on his face. "Maybe another time Limp-Dick" Burke boldly replied.

"That don't bother me no more!" Lemdeich said with a smile on his face.

One of Lemdeich's friends came up from behind Burke and loudly whispered in his ear. "Ever since his doctor let him sweeten his coffee with Viagra he's been one sweet fella." Another chimed in. "And he drinks coffee all day long!" There was an explosion of laughter that sounded more like syncopated choking on flem.

"That don't bother me either!" Again there was another orchestrated laughter-choking outburst. Burke heard the outbursts that came at five second intervals fade into the background as he headed toward the door.

They stopped at the exit. It was raining. Maggie asked Jak to get the car as they waited in the doorway. He was back a short while later and they got into the car and headed to the Chicken Shack.

Burke's entrance was different this time. He looked like town royalty with an entourage of stragglers and hangers-on. He had the Shanahan sisters assisting him with the doors and helping him walk in his tipsy condition along with the massage parlor queen, the court jester, and a getaway driver.

The group selected the largest booth in the corner. The very same one that Fauna had performed a table dance on, to a packed house of intoxicated pizza scholars over twenty years ago. It was quite cozy there in the corner. Outside they could hear the rain pouring and an occasional boom of thunder in the distance. Once the lights flickered off then on again quickly. There was a candle on the table though, so they never lost sight of each other's face.

Burke ordered a bottle Merlot, and poured each of them a glass. The wine warmed their insides. Norber joined the group. As was customary for him. He pulled up a chair and sat backwards in it, facing the group, but resting on the back of the chair. "Man this is great!" he said. "I thought I'd never see you all together again-not like this. What are you all going to do the remainder of the evening?"

"We are going to have a little pizza and then figure out the next step Norb" Burke answered.

"Burke I don't know if you've seen the menu here but we don't serve pizza here anymore" Norber replied.

"Norb we can change that. You've gotta believe though. Do you believe?"

"We've gotta have pizza, it just wouldn't be right without it." Jak added.

No sooner than he had said that when a dripping man walked in the door with a large flat box and announced. "Pizza for Mr. B? Pizza for Mr. B?" The timing was impeccable. "I'll take it over here" Burke said to everyone's amazement.

"You-you mean you ordered pizza out--in my restaurant?" Norber asked.

"Like the man said, Norb, we've gotta have pizza, it just wouldn't be right without it" said Mostly-Bob. The group laughed.

"You guys will never change" Norber said, although he did seem very pleased.

Burke ordered the chat. "OK girl" he said to Sunni. "Let's have it out right now. We had a little chat with Jak and now he feels better. How about you. You told me that Mostly-Bob and Fauna were getting married, and told them that you and I were getting married. What's the story? And just who the hell is getting married?"

Sunni seemed at a loss of words. "Let me help" Maggie stepped in. "It's about TJ."

"TJ?" Jak and Burke asked in unison. "What about TJ?"

Just then there was another loud clap of thunder and once again the lights blinked out for a second.

"Well" began Sunni, not knowing exactly where to start. "TJ has asked me to get you all together. "TJ-alive? Are you sure?" asked Jak. "After everyone began leaving town I stayed around a few months longer. TJ never showed his face once, or was heard from, by anybody. Everyone assumed the man found on the shore that day was him."

"Well they were either wrong, or I've been contacted by a ghost" said Sunni.

"We're going to need some proof with a claim like that" Burke added.

"It true" supported Maggie.

"Did you see him?"

"Well no."

"Then how do you know it just isn't a cruel hoax?"

"Because I have this" Sunni held out a very small photo of Burke. "I had this picture in a locket and showed it to TJ years ago. Shortly after that I took off the locket to go swimming. When I put it back on, Burke's picture was gone. TJ let me know that he had removed it. He was a bit delusional at the time and insisted that I put his picture in the locket. Later on it became a joke between us, but he never gave Burke's picture back. I was surprised that he saved it. TJ travels light you all know. This must have been something of great value to him."

This time the lights went out, but did not come back on. The restaurant was now illuminated by the candles on the tables and the exit signs. "Oh great there goes my business" Norber exclaimed.

"Close up" said Burke. "You're not going to make money tonight with the rain and the power problem. Close up. Come with us to find TJ." He turned back to Sunni. "You do know where he's at I presume?" he questioned.

"Yeah-well sort of."