Burke woke to the sound of rapid pounding on his door. He tried and tried and tried to ignore it his very best. Damn! That persistent and irritating knocking continued. "I know you're in there-I'm not going away--it's me TJ!"

TJ's intrusion shattered the existence of a wonderful dream that Burke was having and he was not pleased. Burke had no use for TJ at this early hour of the morning; why it was barely noon. "Alright-alright already. This better be important." He opened the door and was amazed to find a clean shaven TJ, looking tragically washed and hung out to dry. There was something else. Oh my lord, did he brush his teeth? Burke was relieved that TJ wasn't bowling him over with his breath, but truly puzzled. The clean shaven man standing before him had this hopelessly abandoned look in his eyes. "What is it man-are you OK?"

"I just wanted to say good-bye."

"Huh?"

"I just wanted to say good-bye."

"But where-where are you going-TJ?"

TJ paused, searching for the right words. "Oh, I don't know Burke. Somewhere to get my head together. He pointed to the multicolored naked woman in the Aquarius poster hanging over Burke's bed. "That way I guess."

"For how long."

"I don't know. How long does it take to get your shit together?" he humbly asked.

"For some longer than others."

TJ looked down still searching for the right words. He was at a loss. After a strained silence he spoke again. "Well I just wanted to say good-bye man. Take care of yourself."

At this point Burke had two dialog streams coursing through his brain: an external; "Wait-you're going just like that? -- can we give you a ride somewhere?" and an internal; "If this sonofabitch tries to kiss me I'm gonna deck him"

"No, -- well OK-I, I guess I could use a ride." TJ was not a hard case to crack.

"If your absolutely sure TJ, I'll get Jak to fire up the Piscataway. We'll see you off... hey, don't you want a going away party or something?

"Party? -- TJ's eyes lit up for the first time since Burke opened the door. "NO! no...I'd better be going" he said solemnly.

Burke went downstairs to find Jak. He found him dutifully at his post in the Space Room, tethered to the stereo once again by his "brain umbilical cord" a worn pair of Koss pro4a headphones.

"Common 'Pudding Boy' we got a mission."

"Huh"

"Turn it down!"

"What is it man?"

"Did you hear that TJ is leaving us?"

"No, really?"

"Yep... he's going out to search for his head, and we've got to drive him.

"Highway to hell? Where is he going?"

"To find a naked Aquarius woman."

"Whoa, that sounds interesting. When he leaving?"

"As soon as he is packed."

Burke went off to see the commandeer of the couch: General Marchbank. He wanted to invite him to see TJ off. Burke was surprised to find the couch vacant, and the television off--cold. He looked for clues among the crumbs he had left behind; maybe an empty Coke can-- no they all were empty. There on the corner of the coffee table was a note. Scratched upon it, written in second-grader print was: 312A. Bed 2. Burke knew where Mostly-Bob was hanging out now.

Just then TJ entered the room with his possessions: a carton of smokes, his air mattress, and a quart of good scotch that he'd been saving for over a week. He was traveling light indeed, only the essentials... "I've got to write the rest of everybody a good-bye note" he announced as he began writing:

DEAR EVERYBODY.

I AM GOING AWAY TO GET MY HEAD TOGETHER. I AM SURCH SAERCHIN LOOKING FOR THE END OF THE RAINBOW. ALSO I'M ON THE LAM FROM THE COPS.

I HOPE TO SEE YOU ALL AGAIN SOMEDAY.

YOUR FUZZY FRIEND FUZZ.

"Why did you sign it Fuzz?" Burke asked.

"See that's what you don't understand about these things" he replied. "I'm incognito."

"Your in what?"

"Cognito-didn't you notice? I shaved. I'm wearing a disguise! Instead of looking for a hairy guy named TJ, I'll be a clean shaven guy named FUZZY."

"Good disguise TJ-I mean fuzzy. That disguise isn't going to last very long though." Already the appearance of a four o'clock shadow was creeping over his face. "I believe that you're leaving to find reason for cracking open that scotch."

"That too."

Off they went in the Piscataway. TJ was off to a new adventure and he hadn't felt this exhilarated since the party that he threw in the canyon-the one that everyone always bragged about. The state had to close that grove for almost two days in order to clean it up. Once again TJ was the town celebrity.

They had had just turned the corner when Burke spied his friend the bar dog. "Stop Jak, I have an idea." He began whistling as the bar dog happily trotted over. "TJ how about a traveling companion?"

"Outstanding idea!" exclaimed Jak.

The dog jumped in the back seat right on TJ's lap. He had a new friend. TJ's face lit up like a child's. "I'm gonna call you "SPUNKY" he said, I had a dog named Spunky once, best dog a boy ever had..." Spunky just kept panting; his saliva drenched tongue flopping in and out of the side of his mouth. And so it was to be: TJ and Spunky, best of friends traveling together forever.

As soon as they were out of town, Spunky started the adventure. He looked out the window and barked. "Spunky's trying to tell us something. Good boy! I think he wants us to go this way." Jak responded to Spunky's directions. Again and again Spunky's barking and whining had Jak change the Piscataways dubious course. "Good boy Spunky...atta girl!"

"Is Spunky a girl or a boy?" Burke asked.

TJ looked. "A boy-good boy spunky!" Spunky just kept panting with his saliva drenched tongue flopping in and out of the side of his mouth.

After a while they came to a lake, and again Spunky dog barked signaling to the group that he ride was over. "Spunky wants us to go here!" TJ announced. "This is where the adventure begins-I can't wait!" They all got out and started to the lake. This was indeed a magnificent moment in Wakefield history.

"Well I guess this is adios amigos" TJ said. He looked as if he was about to cry.

"Guess so. Take care of yourself." Jak said. Burke was somewhat concerned about keeping a safe distance.

TJ looked down at his shoes. After a moment or two he walked off, with his best friend trotting happily beside him. It was inspirational. A boy and his dog off exploring the world. All that was missing was an orchestral score. Burke wondered if TJ was leaving as TJ the gray, only to return someday as TJ the white... NAH!

The boy and his faithful companion were almost by the water.

Suddenly Spunky stopped.

His nose went up in the air as he scanned his perimeter. Did he sense danger? Did he smell trouble? No.

Spunky smelled hot dogs.

He happily trotted off to where a couple of guys in flannel shirts were roasting wieners on sticks. That was it. He was gone. Spunky had abandoned TJ with the same concern as he would have walking away from a good crap. End of the saga of a boy and his dog.

TJ really looked dejected now, but he knew he had to keep going. Alone. So head bowed, detached from his wondrous Spunky he shuffled off toward the lake to set sail on his little air mattress; Christopher Columbus on acid off to discover a new world inside himself. He began inflating his little Santa Maria.

Burke tried to think of some inspirational parting words to sum up all the feelings that he was feeling on the propitious but solemn occasion , but could only come up with "That was one hairy guy!"

"Did you notice anything different about TJ?" Jak asked.

"Uh-he shaved?"

"Oh yes...I didn't realize that 'til now! I was referring to the fact that he didn't smell."

"Amazing ain't it? Just when he starts to get it together, he takes it on the road."

TJ was paddling out now. Getting smaller and smaller. Soon all that was visible was a little ball of hair on a pale blue line.

"Hey I have an Idea!" Jak exclaimed.

"Shoot"

"I know this lake. The road goes all the way around it. Let's drive over on the other side and meet TJ!"

"Excellent Man!" He looked at the disappearing silhouette of TJ. "See you on the other side."

And that's just what they did. They found an inlet that looked like it was in the direction that TJ was heading and pulled in. Soon they were on the shoreline watching TJ very slowly approach. It must have been hell for him to cross the lake for he had placed his cigarettes and the booze in a plastic bag that he kept held above the water with on arm while he paddled with the other.

"Whoa.. I bet that arm is getting very heavy about now." Jak remarked.

"No shit!"

TJ was almost on the shore when he spied them. "Sonofabitch! You let me paddle all the way across this damn lake with this enormous booze bottle and then you drove?

"Life's a bitch!"

"And then you die!"

Jak and Burke howled in laughter.

"This scotch is way too heavy to travel with. We got to make it lighter." TJ said quite seriously. "Let's have a swig!"

And so they did. TJ cracked the seal on the bottle and throwing his head back, he raised the bottle high in a dramatic gesture and took a massive pull; his Adams Apple dancing up and down like a fishing bobber. He cringed as he was finished. "The scotch is nearly hot--needs ice" he said. The bottle went round 'n round n' round again. They were swigging and gazing at the beautiful landscape before them. Jak, Burke, and TJ were in an awe inspiring place. Spunky was correct. The lake was peaceful and the air calm. Reflections of the trees on the water looked like and upside down Van Gough . Afternoon sunlight danced on the tips of the water, yet penetrated like folded curtains in the shallows before them. They could make out hovering turquoise shapes of fish gliding through those sunlit curtains. The air smelled like summer.

They became still.

Quite a long while passed. The sun and wind on their faces was conversation enough. After an immeasurable time had passed, Burke spoke. "What do you think is the purpose of our being here?" he asked.

"See TJ off?"

"No not here but here. On earth. Why do you think our purpose in life is?"

Silence again, but then Jak spoke. Burke could tell that Jak had been at this crossroads before. "Ok we're cutting you off...no more scotch you are getting too intelligent!"

"No really."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"Well, I think we are here to perfect ourselves." Jak said. He felt somewhat embarrassed having the answer so quickly.

"Elaborate."

"Well, I don't know, it seems that everyone is pushing change on us from the moment we are born.

They teach us words and potty train us; school us in academics and social sciences. We become teens looking for social acceptance. As adults we strive for job, team, and leadership skills. Still no matter how much we learn and experience, we feel empty; unfulfilled. We take up hobbies and things that interest us. We travel, some of us seek God. We keep revising and reworking ourselves. The things that we did yesterday aren't good enough today. Don't you see? We keep trying to perfect ourselves. To become better people, deeper scholars, model citizens, more efficient workers.

We do this until the day we die. Some people quit; become complacent. They settle, but they are not on the bus. They are not even waiting at the stop. Everyone I know though keeps trying. It's important. I think that's what TJ is doing here today. Isn't that right TJ?"

I think I'm on the bus to oblivion. Their laughter lightened the air a bit.

Jak repeated "I think that we are here to perfect ourselves." He was making sure that his philosophical take was getting the points it deserved.

TJ remarked "That scotch is making you smart too..."

"Speaking of scotch, who has the bottle?"

"It's really light now TJ, in fact it so light it floats.." Sure enough the empty bottle was slowly drifting way from them.

"O man! Out of brain juice! -- Jak got anything?"

"We had some in the car last night, but we threw it out the window when you tried to bust me."

"Dammit! I knew that was a bad idea....let's check anyway." They searched the Piscataway and found four cans of nearly hot beer under the seats. "We can't drink this!" Burke said seriously. "If we drink this it will counteract the effects of the scotch."

"We have to" said TJ. "Jak says that we must perfect our drunking...I mean our drinking!" They all laughed because they believed it true. They resumed the discussion.

"How 'bout you Burke? What do you think? It was your original question."

Burke paused. They had taken the bait. He only asked the question because he wanted to express his feelings about it. He gazed toward the empty scotch bottle now way out on the lake. "Well I partly agree with Jak. I partially think that we are to perfect ourselves but hobbies? -- no unless you garden like the Japanese; languages yes, social sciences yes." (CRACK) His speech was punctuated but a poptop. "I think that there is more than that. Actually less than that. Less is more.

I think we are here to simplify ourselves."

"Go on."

"Well it is never enough, nor will it ever be enough. We have all this-this stuff. Jak you've got that fine car, and I've got my guitar, my stereo, my flock of babes. And it's never enough!. TJ had a quart, but that was not enough."

"Amen brother!"

"I'm just making a joke. But Jak is right nothing is ever enough."

He gazed at the rim of the far shore. Vaguely he could make out the form of Spunky. "Look at Spunky! Look what he has-nothing! But is he happy? Hell yes man! He doesn't have all the stuff, and he doesn't have all the shit that goes along with it either; the complexity or the problems. He is living for the moment. We build these lives; these huge surrealistic paradigms and then freak when we can't negotiate our existence within them. And we keep trying instead of letting go.

The Buddhist Monks had a Koan or riddle that goes something like this: Has a dog Buddhist nature?" He let them ponder that for a moment. "Well does it? The answer is MU!"

"Moo?" Has a cow a dog nature-MOO-Arf!! Arf!!" Once again Jak could not resist the urge to try to be witty.

"No not M-O-O man, M-U."

"-the hell is that?"

"It's Zen. It's neither an answer, or lack of an answer. Like a variable in an equation, it's kind of like a place holder. When you solve the equation, in this case the Koan you've already received enlightenment, and therefore know the value of the variable Mu!" Burke really believed that he had the correct answer; that he was way ahead of the other two. That made him feel pretty good.

"Cool. I like that" said Jak. "That's thought provoking."

"It's the scotch. It's said: life is like a butterfly that spreads it's wings to fly. I think our purpose on earth is to simplify ourselves; to simplify our needs."

"Oh you two both have it figured out eh? Sounds so systematic and orderly." TJ stood up and squared off to them looking as if he was going to kick bother of their asses. He was obviously agitated; about to go ballistic. "Need-NEED! Tell me now just what the HELL do YOU know about need huh brother?" He pointed his finger into Burke's astonished face "Tell me Ghandi, you ever been lost in your own kitchen, or woken up not knowing where the hell you were--wearing someone else's clothes? Have you ever..."

"Hey man chill out, what the hell's wrong with you? Are you OK?" Jak busted in on the capsized TJ.

"NO! I'm not OK!!! AND YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE I WILL NEVER BE OK...." The paradise around them had turned into a tropic storm brought on by TJ's turbulent emotions. He paused and seemed to try to formulate his thoughts before blurting out another sentence.

After a moment he seemed to regain his composure.

"You're both right, and you're both wrong." TJ said quietly. There was a shaky edge to his voice. Burke tried to figure out what it was. It certainly seemed out of character and quite perplexing. The man standing before him was a stranger.

"What are you so excited about TJ?" Burke asked. "For cryin' out loud chill out dude. This is only a discussion. Get to your point will ya?"

"OK. You both said that there is never enough, you're right about that. We're all looking for something-but as for me--it's much more than that. There is something wrong with me."

"Are you sick or something?"

"Sort of." TJ searched for the words. "The best way I can describe it is like this: there is something that I really need, but I don't know-I don't know what it is."

"Well what do you think it is?" Burke was trying to placate the seemingly confused TJ. But TJ knew what he was talking about. He knew only too well. He life was a living testimony to that fact. He stood and faced the water, almost talking to himself in a hypnotic-like drone. "I don’t know. I guess that is the problem. You see I have this necessity that I can't find or fulfill. But I try-Lord knows every day I try. And all I come up with is 'isn't-its'."

"Huh?"

"I try to fill the need; with drink--but nooooo that isn't it. So I try smoking; playing; sex-ing. The results are always the same: that isn't it. And I'm no more closer to knowing what it is than before I started drinking or playing."

He fumbled to rip the top off his carton of cigarettes. He seemed very troubled and he struggled to light a smoke. "Sometimes when I do these things I forget for the moment my need. It's like there is a hole in me that I keep trying to fill with stuff. I know it doesn't make sense but the more I fill, the emptier I feel, the more I need."

Burke could see the silhouette of TJ. The shiny streams of tears down his face. He was crying the tears of a lost and forgotten child. Jak listened with great concern, it was as though TJ was speaking his own thoughts and feelings at times.

"I believe that people like me all pretty much feel the same way. We search 'cause we need. We abuse cause we need. We do things that most people would be ashamed to do because we need. Our compulsion takes us into new and sometimes terrifying places.

It's both a blessing and a curse. I know that. We are special people; the entertainers, discoverers, dreamers of this world. Whatever it is, it keeps us hungry for more. More. People laugh at my antics, and are amused by the shit I seem to pull off. Sometimes I am regarded as a hero, but most of the time I busy making an ass out of myself, and living with my denial. LOOK AT ME. Look at what I've become..."

There was an uneasy pause before TJ resumed.

"I think I am an alcoholic, brothers.

I'm fine now only because I'm wasted. Life is wonderful ain't it? Ain't it Brother?"

Burke was silent.

"I don't remember right now that I need, but tomorrow I will wake up and will want all over again. And--as the Wolfman who wakes to fear the full moon, somehow continues on; continues on knowing that there will be another full moon, and another. So it is for me; there will be another full glass and another. There's nothing I can do to stop it.

TJ paused to wipe something out of his eye.

"But this morning...

I had an idea...

I say right here, right now the purpose of man is purification."

"Purification?"

To leave the complexity and find peace. Out of chaos comes order, somebody said. I don't know, but I think that if we can find God, all of the things that we were talking about will be taken care of. We will realize perfection, simplification, and purification. Look at where we're at! The kitchen door of the Shawnee National Forest. The evidence of God is overwhelming. My cathedral is a tree, man. Purification lies here. There are absolute things here-the sun, the earth, the water, they're pure. I am what is not pure in this picture. But I believe that I'm in the right space. Sounds simple eh? Believe and Receive."

"It's not that easy TJ."

"If I were a bird-I'd just fly away. Fly away from it all Jak. Fly so far, and so straight. And never look down. And never look back. But that isn't going to happen. I've got to tramp along on the ground carrying this fat dizzy body. It's disheartening."

His words made Burke and Jak reel. Burke had expected a flip snippet to his question; the punch line to a non-existent joke.

It was TJ's turn, and he was the man of the hour. He was leaving home and his dog had left him. Worst of all he had to make this fear-inspiring journey without the aid of the precious scotch that he had been saving, even if it did make everyone so damn intelligent.

Burke did not know what to say. So he thrashed around with words. "Hey sorry man, I didn't mean to bring up that subject--I didn't know..."

"Hey it's OK. I didn't say these things to bum you out. It's just the way it is."

Jak needed a diversion to break the tension. He stood up and walked over to a bush to urinate. TJ agreed and moved to a spot at the bush next to Jak, but Burke hung back. A moment later he heard Jak yelling "Hey stop that!--hey- hey what the hell--!!!" Jak was hopping backwards on one foot away from TJ while trying to raise his fly. TJ, being loaded, apparently side-stepped while urinating and wheeled right to "garden hose" Jak with urine all over Jak's boot and bell bottom trouser leg.

"Asshole!--what the hell is the matter with you?"

"Wow -- Oh sorry man, I lost my balance!" Once again it was TJ standing in front of Burke and not clean shaven stranger. Burke started laughing at the situation, with relief. As predicted, the beer did counteract the effect of the scotch and in one felt swoop the focus went from the higher purpose of man, to a piss-fest.

Back to standard operating procedures--but not for very long. TJ, realizing what he had done began coming down hard on himself. "Dammit! I can never do anything right, It don't matter, it just doesn't matter, I screw up everything I do...

Jak had walked over to the lake to dip his foot in the water trying to lessen the corrosive effect that TJ's urine would have on his shoe. Burke offered support to TJ. "It's OK, don't worry TJ, it was an accident..."

"That's easy for you to say" he said. "You don't do stupid shit like this, you don't make the pointless mistakes like I do. You don't blunder through the day, you don't miss when you aim..."

"Sure I do, I'm like everyone else."

"Bullshit! You're not like me. People like you for who you are and not what you do. The guys at the house think of you as a leader; professors respect your insight, women adore you. You weren't born with the baggage that I had coming into the world. Let me ask you this when was the last time you were truly ashamed of yourself? That you did something that broke your own heart? Something so low you wanted to crawl into a hole and die? Yesterday for me. No brother, you are not like me."

"What are you talking about. I have problems!--who the hell are you to..."

"Now boys..." Jak came limping back from the lake to pour some water over the raging fire that the two were making.

Once again there was silence; a strange strained friend to TJ. He began again. "Funny thing about the Wolfman--turning into the wolf is the only thing the poor asshole can seem to think about when he's just a guy, but once he's the Wolf' he could give a shit what he is. He's just kickin' ass and taking names."

"Are you the wolf TJ?"

"Yep"

"You're hairy enough!!" Jak couldn't resist.

TJ continued on as if the comment were never made. "Only now I'm wondering' what's going to happen when the full moon fades."

Burke, was becoming aware of what was happening. "No you're not man, you're just running scared." The situation was becoming more complex by the moment, but Burke was still on top of it. He became worried about TJ all over again. "When was the last time you were without the moon TJ?" Now it was TJ who wore an anxiety-ridden look on his face. Burke had figured out what TJ was trying to say. Although TJ spoke of purification, what he really meant was detoxification.

"Same as you guys, forever."

Those words rang despair in Burke's heart. TJ was right of course. Should they all wander off into the Shawnee National Forrest seeking purification? "TJ you are not ready to go anywhere, least of all the wild. If you've truly gone a long time without alcohol in your system, you're going to go through withdrawal. The worst part of that is an experience they call the 'DT's. I know that you don't understand this, but DT stands for 'delirium tremors' you literally go mad. That alone is an utterly terrifying experience. But to face it solely, in the wild, at night, I-I can't even imagine. No-way am I going to let you walk off from here."

Jak came to Burke's aid. "That's right TJ you don't even have a freakin' flashlight! Or a coat. You're not the freaking Hobbit man-and you're not the wolf, in fact you are what the wolves call a snack, my friend."

"I may not have a flashlight, but I do have a couple of peyote buttons in my sock. Maybe I can make my own light!"

"He just doesn't get it man."

"He's not going anywhere."

But it was Burke and Jak that did not understand where TJ was coming from, or where he was headed to for that matter. "I've got to go." Tears welled up in his eyes. His lower lip trembled uneasily, but he knew that he had to go. He took his time and gazed deeply into Burke's eyes, then Jak's with a look that said 'Let me go'"I'm afraid that I'll drown if I stay. " He said softly "I need purification. Please let me go...please."

"Purification begins with professional medical treatment. You may die out here with no one to help. Depending how you wander you could go twenty miles or more before crossing a road TJ. Do your realize that? That's a big chunk of unknown. Come on. Don't be silly. Come back with us. We've got to see Mostly-Bob." At that time, a profound sadness overtook Burke. He felt like if he looked away for a second, he would never see his friend again.

"Give him this from me" TJ said. He held out the key that he found yesterday after mooning on the news. He looked at Jak who was wearing a helpless expression on his face. Jak was really thinking of what to say to turn TJ around. "You give it to him. We are going to see him this afternoon."

Burke needed time to formulate a plan to get TJ back to civilization. He needed to talk to Jak alone. TJ see if you can find another beer in Jak's car he said. TJ willingly obliged and while he was gone Burke tried to figure out what to do next. Jak suggested throwing him in the trunk, but Burke knew that this wasn't the answer. "We need to make him want to check himself in" he said.

"I think he already wants that too. That's why he's here today."

"Well then all we have to do is change his direction from the woods to the clinic." The answer was too easy. "Lets get him and go."

The went back to the Piscataway, but TJ was not to be found.

They were too late.