The first week of a diary and hopefully a
week in which things start to take off! I've been staying
in Mexico for the last year and have been back in England
for a month and a half now. My beloved K has been back in
Mexico for two weeks, and I'm beginning to realise how
hard I have to work. It's hard to be so far away from her,
so I'm working hard to be with her again and to fulfil the objectives I set myself before I came back here. The
title of this week's entry means "you fight for what
you love", and that's exactly what I intend to do. I
feel that for a while I have been wallowing in self pity,
and that's not good enough, because even though I have
been working hard at earning money, I've lost sight of my
long term aims. Hopefully, this diary will remind me of
how far I have to go and how much I have to fightFirst
impressions at being back here were that the weather's
colder than I remember, and the people even more so. I've
finally met some of my old friends, but I live in a small
town, and it's hard to fit in after Mexico City. It still
seems to me that people are obsessed with the small
things in life (how much things cost) and not the bigger
issues (how much feelings are worth). Perhaps they feel
that the smaller things are part of the bigger things,
but to hear people talking all day long without revealing
how they feel is still something I have to get used to.
Just as long as I don't accept it.
K frequently sends me beautiful, poetical and tender
letters which make me feel at the heights of happiness
and anguish at the same time. Happiness because she
expresses her feelings so well, and anguish because I'm
not with her to tell her so. I wish I could write letters
as powerful so simply. I miss her every day in different
ways. I miss her when I wake up in the morning. I dream
of being with her often, and it's still a shock to
remember that I'm here and she's there. I miss her at
work. As I type seemingly endlessly at my keyboard I'm
daydreaming of all the happy times we've had together and
imagining many more. I miss her in the evenings, when I'm
either washing dishes in my second job, or at home trying
to plan these months apart. I imagine having
conversations in Spanish with her, but when it comes to
talking on the phone, I forget everything, and just say I
miss her and I love her, but there's so much more to say!
That's about all for this week, as I want to write
about things I have done, not just things I hope to
achieve. This is the first time I've ever kept a diary,
so I know there are things I should have said, but I've
forgotten what I wanted to say. Next week I'll try and
note down the important stuff beforehand. Adios, ¡mi
diario!
