This week I don't know
what to say. I'm feeling a bit depressed, even though I've
almost got a ticket to go and see K at the end of May.
Perhaps it's because I'm trying to quit smoking, but I
miss her so much I feel completely de-motivated, as if
everything is too much effort. I hope I break out of this
mood soon. The Ohioan didn't help by telling me I'm
living in an ivory tower. Right now I do feel isolated,
not through arrogance, but sheer loneliness. I can't
enjoy being here without K, and my countrymen seem for
the most part completely ignorant. I remember reading
Gulliver's travels and his feelings on returning to live
amongst the Yahoos - right now that's how the British
seem to me.
Well, in part these feelings have come
about because I've been working the last week at the
wrong end of a phone. I say working - they've been
training me all week on how to use it. Truly a depressing
job - especially when they got shirty at finding out I
didn't want to work there for a long period of time. What
do they expect from temps? Definitely feeling put upon by
the lack of cigarettes, and although I've already smoked
a few this week, at least I'm keeping the quantities down.
Not a lot else to report at the moment,
except that I'm resolving to turn this spiteful mood
around and become a little more positive in outlook for
next week. Perhaps I should get out of town next week and
just chill out for a bit. I think the continual work
ethic is going to break me if I don't watch it. What
would the point of that be, if I end up in Mexico a
complete burnt-out wreck? I should think happy thoughts,
like being safe in the arms of my lover...
I'm feeling better already!
