Survey

Met someone special on the internet? Wanna ask them out but not sure if you're willing to take the chance at having a life scarring experience? No problem! Give 'em this little survey to fill out. Then review the answers and decide how willing you are to take your life in your hands!

1) My name is:_______________________________.

2) The gender I claim to be is: (M)ale (F)emale

3) My real gender is: (M)ale (F)emale (T)hree-Mile Island

4) The age group I fall into is:

(A) 40 and older
(B) 30-39
(C) 21-29
(D) 15-20
(E) I wanna be a Power Ranger

5)I have the proper height/weight ratio for:

(A) the average human of my age and gender
(B) Gorgo, the four-head Dragon
(C) a washer and dryer set
(D) Ireland
(E) My gelatenous mass cannot be measured at any given moment for I am an ever-shifting entity

6) On a date, I prefer to take my companion/be taken to:

(A) a romantic, candlelit Italian restaurant
(B) International House of Pancakes.
(C) Bubba's Beer and Bait Shop.
(D) the dumpster behind 7-11.

7) For entertainment, I like to:

(A) watch movies/plays.
(B) watch cock fights.
(C) undulate my twelve chins to the theme "Bewitched."
(D) snap the necks of mammals smaller than me.

8) My idea of the perfect male/female is:

(A) Keanu Reeves/Winona Ryder.
(B) Trent Reznor/Courtney Love
(C) Oral Roberts/Janet Reno.
(D) my fist/my fingers.

9) My hobbies are:

(A) collecting books/stamps/insects.
(B) computers.
(C) small Hungarian women named Loopy.
(D) eating at least ten times my body weight.
(E) something normal

10) My first words were:

(A) "Mama"
(B) "Seconds please."
(C) "Yours and the souls of your friends shall be mine!"
(D) "Touch me... touch me there."

11) My dream career is:

(A) millionaire playboy/playgirl.
(B) garbage collector so I can cash in on all their nifty benefits.
(C) anything with barbed wire.
(D) street gang moving target.
(E) lard wrestler.
(F) again, something normal

12) I consider my body to be:

(A) a temple to the gods of desire.
(B) average, but could use work.
(C) proof God is far-sighted.
(D) I am mainland China.

13) If I could have one wish, it would be:

(A) peace on earth.
(B) piece of William Shatner's behind.
(C) four words: Pez, whips, Uma Thurman.
(D) a quick and easy cure for genital warts.

14) I have encountered problems with law enforcement agencies:

(A) never/seldom.
(B) often, and I always insist on body cavity searches.
(C) my family portrait is at the post office.
(D) I was arrests #234-289 on "America's Most Wanted."

15) What I would like to accomplish in my life most is:

(A) happiness.
(B) a sixth finger.
(C) the ultimate Hellen Keller imitation.
(D) working my way into Zsa Zsa Gabor's pants.

16) A nickname my friends may give me would be:

(A) Sexy/Ace/Bunny/Sweetie/etc.
(B) Scrotum Thief.
(C) Commander Nasal Clit and his Amazing Elbow, Sparky.
(D) The Thrustinator.

17) My favorite thing about holidays is:

(A) the warm feeling of being with family and friends.
(B) food, food, food.
(C) it means I'm one year closer to freedom.
(D) Grandpa's annual orgy of the Damned.

18) My political views are:

(A) Democrat
(B) Republican
(C) Libertarian
(D) Rastafarian
(E) Communist

19) If I were an animal in the zoo, I'd be:

(A) a hawk, giraff, or anything normal.
(B) an orangatang, pooping in my hands and throwing it.
(C) the dead animal that's been rotting for three days.
(D) a deformed, blind baby kangaroo.

20) My favorite type of music is:

(A) hard rock
(B) country music, cuz I'm a good ol' boy and I like to touch my sister's "fun zones."
(C) Tejano music (the soothing rythems of a blaring accordian)
(D) Groups like "the Cure" because I can pretend I'm a vampire and act so dark and depressing when I'm nothing more than a sexually repressed teen who is upset 'cause my father didn't hug me enough.

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